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"...I do not peddle flesh; I sell dreams..."
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[Nov. 2nd, 2009|09:29 pm] |
OH FUCK OFF HEROES! I don't even know why I watch you anymore, you Pasdarless piece of shit. Having ripped off pretty much everything it could from the 4400, it's moved on to stealing wholesale from both BSG and Carnivale, except for the part where all of those shows were actually good and had storylines that made sense and characters you gave a damn about. Seriously, they've even got Tommy Dolan playing Sampson- oh, I'm sorry, "Samuel" - and sir, you are no Micheal Anderson. Also mean imaginary friend Sylar is not as badass as Clancy Brown and House-of-Mirrors spends-most-of-an-episode-crying-like-a-big-gay-baby Sylar is about a hundred million times less lovely than Nick Stahl. So in conclusion, I hate everyone and I'm going to watch Carnivale.
I think they should start stealing from Deadwood and then Ian McShane could guest-star and systematically slit everyones throats before feeding them to Mister Wu's piggies. COCKSUCKERS! |
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[Jul. 24th, 2009|11:11 pm] |
Wah! I was trying to watch Eerie, Indiana today and my DVDs are totally wrecked and skippy. I'm so gutted! So then I tried to get over it by watching Hocus pocus, but it was not the same at all.
Anyway, now I'm watching the latest episodes of True Blood and oh my God, how much does Steve Newlin want to bone Jason? And Jason's all, yes, this is what God's love feels like, and I'm like, dude, no, that is what having your balls cupped by a religious insaniac feels like, and also, run away! Poor Jason. I love him. And he wears a clip-on, aww! So stylin'!
Also, Eric! "Do I have blood in my hair?" for the win! And ( SPOILER FOR THE START OF SEASON TWO ) yay! And Admiral Cain is in it, and she's totally awesome and terrifying and makes everyone crazy, and Sam is almost not-hatable. Yay!
On a completely seperate note, I think I have accidently turned my bunnies into junkies. See, Kagame keeps jumping out of her pen at night and running around knocking shit over and making a ton of noise, so lately I've started steeping a little valerian root in hot water and putting it in their drinking bottle in an attempt to get her to chill the fuck out. And they are definately more sedate, which is what I was going for, but now they drink like a litre and a half a day and they go really crazy everytime I fit a fresh bottle, like totally wrestling each other to get to it.
I should probably feel bad, but whatever, at least now I can sleep through the night and not have two stone of rabbit pile-drive me awake around 3am. |
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[Jul. 15th, 2009|08:26 pm] |
Well, we didn't have to go to the Pig Show thing, thank God. I only like pigs if they are used to eat up human remains, and then only if they are in the care of a Chinese dude whose knowledge of the English language consists solely of the word "cocksucker".
So we went to York instead and walked around the National Railway Museum for about a hundred and forty years (I am totally not kidding, I'm pretty sure I died of old age twice while I was in there) and then we went "shopping," which pretty much means Mama Froodle dragged me around these ludicrously expensive and for the most part entirely ugly clothing stores and wittered at me about getting "a nice pair of flatties" and "some glamorous tops" - I should note at this point that to my mother, glamour equates to shoulder pads and sequins - and Papa Froodle jibbed on about getting me a digital camera, while I tried in vain to point out that books and DVDs and nice things from Lush, or, if we're talking big-ticket items, a sofa that is not held together with scotch tape and the Will of God, would be much more welcome.
Dudes, do anyone elses parents do that? Like, totally ignore what you actually want and what would actually be useful to you, and buy you random shit because they think you should want it, even after you've explained that you don't and in fact, have no use for it? Is this a normal parental thing or are my folks total freaks?
Anyway, we went to ASK for lunch, which was nice, although they felt compelled to lecture the waiter about how much better the Isle of Man is than England (LIE!) and then to Betty's for tea, and I got some China Rose Petal tea in a tin which was awesome, and then we came home.
In a little bit I might go and wash my face and then see if I feel like going to see the new Harry Potter movie - I kind of actually don't care at all about Harry Potter now, but the Froodle Brothers have abandoned me to go sky-diving and I fear the alternative is an evening with the parental units trying to explain that no, "I would like to watch Battlestar Galactica in peace" is not code for "Feel free to change the channel to that stupid cycling thing," failing, and then shoving them off the balcony in a fit of temper. |
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[Nov. 10th, 2008|12:11 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, bonfire night, bsg, firefly, halloween, liam neeson is god, my birthday, serenity, stargate, stephen moyer, true blood, ultraviolet, vampires yay, wtf | ] |
Urgh. I had this whole post planned about how great True Blood is and about how Liamneeson has finally answered my prayers for a series about redneck vampires who don't fight crime or really do anything, but then I came on here and the sheer fugliness of the new profile page caused poison to drip from my eyes and now they burn with agony and I don't feel like it anymore.
ANYWAY! I hope everyone had lots of fun celebrating the holy trifecta of awesomeness that is Halloween-Bonfire Night-Froodle Day - I have been watching Battlestar Galactica and coming to the conclusion that every show should have one snarky scientist character, because Gaius makes everything so much better through his presence. I may even love him more than Rodney and Kevin, and that is very impressive because I love Rodney and Kevin so much and also neither of them ever accidently destroyed the human race, unlike Baltar. That scene where Gaeta is being a big gay liar and wrecking Badger's stragety of stragetic awesome and Gaius kicks off at him and he's like, "The whole fleet knows this man tried to stab me through the neck. And you missed! Butterfingers!" Favourite line of any episode of BSG, ever. And BSG is hardly short of brilliant lines. I'm not saying I want to get stabbed just so I have the opportunity to use it, but still. |
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[Aug. 24th, 2008|10:23 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | 24, batbale, batman begins, bones, breakfast on pluto, bsg, buffy, carnivale, christian bale, cillian murphy, colin farrel, dark knight, david boreanaz, deadwood, edward james olmos, heroes, highlander, idina menzel, in bruges, johnny depp, keiffer sutherland, moomins, nbx, numb3rs, ouatim, rent, sweeney todd, the dave, the downey, the wire, tove jansson, utena, zodiac | ] |
Aww fuck, you guys, I think I just permanantly destroyed Batman Begins for myself by watching it right after I watched Breakfast on Pluto. And for once it's completely my own fault, because I've seen both of them multiple times so I can't claim I was tricked into watching or anything. Now every time Dr Crane gases anyone, I keep seeing that scene from BoP where he imagines himself as an undercover counter-terrorist agent, complete with black PVC minidress and flashing a bright yellow bra, and he neutralizes all the bombers by spraying Chanel perfume* in their eyes, and it just destroys me.
In other news, I have decided to invent some kind of coolness scale where characters are awarded points based on the liklihood of them karate-chopping a midget. It'll look something like this:
Karate-chopping a midget: 10 coolpoints
Doing harm to a midget other than by karate-chopping it: 5 coolpoints
Not doing anything mean to a midget: 0 coolpoints
A midget karate-chops you: minus 10,000 coolpoints
I decided to test it out on a random selection and it works pretty well, as shown below:
Jack Bauer: would karate-chop a midget: 10 points.
Sweeney Todd: would cut a midget's throat and make it into pie: 5 points
Al Swearengen: as above, except replace "make it into pie" with "feed to Mister Wu's piggies": 5 points
Edward James Olmos: would shout or glare at a regular midget; only karate-chops midgets if they are Cylons: 7.5 points
Methos: doesn't know karate, but from a moral perspective, would have no problem karate-chopping a midget: 10 points, because he can always learn later.
The Dave: unable to bring himself to harm a midget: 0 points.
Giles: would karate-chop a midget, then fire-bomb its house, but only if the midget really pushed him to it: 10 points
Nathan Petrelli: no qualms about karate-chopping a midget whatsoever: 10 points
Angela Petrelli: would belittle the midget so much it karate-chopped itself: 10 points
Peter Petrelli: gets karate-chopped by the midget. Everyone laughs. Minus 10,000 points.
Agent Sands: if he still has eyes, karate-chops the midget; if not, shoots the midget after locating it by the sound of it's tiny midget feet: 10 points, because the intention is there if not the physical ability.
Moominpapa: doesn't know karate, and anyway has tiny Moomin arms unsuitable for midget-chopping. Would probably write a chapter in his Memoirs about how he karate-chopped it anyway: 5 points for inventiveness.
Mark Cohen from RENT: gets karate-chopped by the midget. Minus 10,000 points.
Idina Menzel, in anything: karate-chops that midget and makes it cry little midget tears. 10 points.
Akio Ohtori: karate-chops the midget, steals its fine midget hos, then runs the midget down in the Akiocar. 10 points.
Stringer Bell: karate-chops the midget only if economically viable. Otherwise, arranges to have it gunned down in a drive-by. 7.5 points.
Oogie Boogie: karate-chops the midget, sings a song about it: 10 points
Ben Hawkins: karate-chops a midget, spends three episodes angsting about it. 9.5 points, as he gets half a point deduction for angst.
Don Eppes: pre-The Bunk, karate-chops that midget and takes a suspension. Post-The Bunk, tries to work out his differences with the midget, then gets Lou Diamond Phillips to karate-chop it for him instead. 7.5 points.
Harvey Dent: gets karate-chopped by a midget, cries like a bitch. Ditto Two-Face, but with half as many tears. Minus 20,000 points because both personalities fail.
I call it the Froodilicus Scale of Karate-Chopped Midgets. Obviously you can't rely on it entirely - for example, Brennan would have no problem karate-chopping a midget whereas The Dave would, but clearly The Dave is clearly cooler than Brennan. But as a rough guide, it's pretty accurate.
On a completely unrelated note, I'm thinking of buying a new storage unit as the number of books, DVDs and random crap in my house has once again reached critical mass. At the moment I am torn between this and this. On the one hand, the cabinet gives me much more storage space and as it's got glass shelves, I can put my models and suchlike in there and not have to worry about dusting them. On the other hand, it's white and white wooden furniture always makes me feel like I'm trapped in a John Hughes movie circa 1984. Comments? Suggestions?
Oh, and finally, and having nothing to do with anything discussed above: MOAR ZODIAC PORN PLZ. That is all.
*For the record, given that pretty much every Chanel product smells like catpiss, I think it would be very effective as a weapon used either by or against terrorists. I know if you sprayed it on me, I'd be too busy choking and retching to even think about blowing stuff up until I'd had a shower. |
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[Jul. 17th, 2008|12:30 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | bones, bsg, buffy, david boreanaz, deadwood, fuck you david caruso, jericho, lou diamond phillips, nip/tuck, numb3rs, skeet ulrich, supernatural, the wire | ] |
So, FX have just announced that the sixth season of Nip/Tuck will be the last. I'm pretty much in favour of this, not because I have any issues with the show itself, but simply because there are so many shows that outstay their welcome and then what once was beautiful and pure becomes this evil-smelling swamp of ridiculous plots and shitty inconsistant characterization and dialogue so bad you want to gouge out your eyes from the sheer horror of it all.
Yeah, I still have issues relating to those last few seasons of Buffy.
But seriously, I think there should be some sort of law that if you want to extend your show beyond three seasons, you have to prove it won't suck beyond all measure before you're allowed to do it. Like, I'm sad that Deadwood is no more, but nothing like as sad as I would have been if it had degenerated into pointless crap involving mysically appearing kid sisters and Al becoming some whiny tardface with his stupid fake soul and lovebots and fucking annoying high school nerds gone Darkside...
Ahem. I'm sorry, I really will shut up about Buffy now.
But anyway, with Nip/Tuck going off the air, and what is most likely the end of my love affair with Bones, and this season of the Wire being the last (like Deadwood, an example of an awesome show that has the foresight to bow out gracefully and with lots of fake serial killings) it means I'm pretty much left with Numb3rs to fall back on. And BSG, of course, but that's not really light after-work viewing, and frankly not homoerotic at all.
And although The Bunk is of course awesome, I do not approve of how much more laid back Don is since starting therapy. I missed it the first time, as I was busy being relieved over the whole "Colby is not a filthy Communist spy" thing, but Don has not pistol-whipped anyone, hurled a suspect around an interrogation room or allowed Lou Diamond Phillips to torture people at all this season. I really do not approve. Bring back the old Don, who shouted at everyone and then shot a bunch of guys and looked serious! Charlie is adorable and Colby is burly and Larry is awesome, but seriously, I require more manly violence! Somebody recommend some shows with manly violence in them to me. Oh, and not any variation on CSI - fucking David Caruso's syphilis-raddled face has poisoned me against all forms of CSI forever. And not Supernatural either, for the same reason only substitute "Jared Padalecki" for "David Caruso".
God. Why is there not more Jericho? WHY YOU GUYS?! Okay, Jake Green never tied a bunch of hams to some guy so alligators would eat him, and he can't fight crime with maths, but he can fly planes and look sad, and I bet Mister Hawkins is the World Champion when it comes to pistol-whipping and the torture of suspects.
Goddamn you, television. Don't force me to entertain myself! |
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[Dec. 17th, 2006|12:42 pm] |
Oh come on! How can the third season of Miami Vice not be out yet? Losers. I am going to sulk if I cannot spent Christmas day watching the Homoerotic Interracial Adventures of Sonny and Rico. And by "sulk", I mean "watch Battlestar Galactica and get gleeful about how pretty Dirk Benedict is", naturally.
In other news, Secret Santas are the stupidest thing ever invented. Oooh, let's all exchange meaningless gifts with people we don't actually like, and in return, we too will get a cheap and thoughtless gift that will get banished to the bottom of the wardrobe the minute we get home! And when you say you're not going to do it, everyone looks at you like you just pistol-whipped Santa, cut him into pieces and then fed him to a bunch of doe-eyed orphans on Christmas day. Honestly, this sort of force-fed faux festive jollity just makes me want to stab everyone.
On a rather less ranty note, I am astounded and appalled by the revelation that Doctor Billy was that mean bowling alley guy in Bones who threw the superhero kid who was dying of cancer off a roof. Man, you suck, Doctor Billy. Even Lucas would have... okay, Lucas would have laughed and laughed, and laughed some more, and then built laser cannons for tiny hamsters. But still, I am glad Dave and Bones kicked your ass.
Also, someone had better tape the Hogfather for me. I mean it. Even if all I do is moan about how the guy from Hustle is totally not the right choice for playing Mister Teatime, I want a copy. |
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[Sep. 16th, 2006|12:28 pm] |
Oh, that is it, Supernatural. You and I are just not friends anymore. You can take your two hot Winchesters and Sam and your misleading rumours of homoerotic exploits and get out of my life for good, because I do not like it when I have nightmares when by rights I should be having dreams about monkeys or something else good!
Fortunatly for me, I am the kind of girl who always has one or two irons in the fandom-fire, so I shall console my grief over my breakup with Dean and John by watching the second season of the Wire. And oh my God, Omar is my hero. The tie! And somebody finally putting that piece of shit Levy in his place, hoorah! Personally I was holding out for Rhonda bludgeoning him with a briefcase, but getting smacked down in front of an entire courtroom was so much more awesome. He has inspired me to take up robbing drug dealers for a living. Now, if only I knew where to find a) a shotgun and b) some drug dealers. You may be suprised to learn this information is not listed in the Yellow Pages.
In other news, Rome. I'm not saying it wasn't enjoyable, I'm just saying that the entire show can be summed up as "Ickle Midshipman Blakeney grows up and fucks his sister. But not, apparently, his great-uncle." I do love the whole Pullo/Vorenus thing, though - especially where Vorenus pimps him out to Cleopatra. Even in Ye Olde Tymes, pimping your friends is always good for a laugh.
On a completely unrelated note, I think everyone here should read the Varjak Paw books. Because if there were two things I would say makde the world a better place, it would be more Kung-fu cats and less Will Ferrell. I hate Will Ferrell.
I do, however, still love the Tribe, and especially Bray who has won my heart with his incredible campness. That scene after he finds Spike floating in the hotel pool, and the other Mallrats are like, "Gasp! Ebony!" and he's all, "But don't you think if she had killed him, she'd be bragging about it? Like, 'Don't mess with me!'" and then he actually does the finger-snap head-toss thing like he's Foxxie Love or whatever and oh my God it is just the most hilarious thing ever and I love him.
Anyway, little space-monkeys, I have a box of pastries here that aren't going to eat themselves, and the second season of Battlestar Galactica is calling to me, so farewell! |
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[Apr. 19th, 2006|09:51 pm] |
Heh. I saw a sign today that said "Malik Car Insurance; if we can't do it, no-one can". Hey, boy's gotta make a living somehow. It's hard, being an ancient Egyptian god in today's society.
In other news, OMG Edward James Olmos is a ninja! All these years, I thought it was the stony glare of DOOM keeping everyone in place, but really, it was the knowledge that he could rip out their spleen and leap away over the rooftops with it. I don't know if this increases or decreases my respect for him; on the one hand, being a ninja is pretty awesome, but on the other, being able to shut up anyone from a handsome Vice detective to your drunkard XO, crazy Aztec priest to Asian drug baron, just by glaring at them, is also damn cool.
And finally, it is now time for more...
( Read more... ) |
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[Mar. 28th, 2006|09:41 pm] |
I like cats, I really do, but if those two outside don't stop yowling like a couple of welfare mothers in the dole line, Froodle is gonna have to choke a bitch. Shut up, cats! I have to go to work in the morning! And not kill people, which is the tricky part, since both customers and coworkers are being extra-annoying lately.
In other news, Cally is still the Imperious Leader, Lee still does my head in, and Mr T could totally take that guy from the Green Mile in a fight. Assuming, of course, that the guy from the Green Mile was inclined less towards healing Tom Hanks (boo!) and more towards picking fights with 80's icons (yay!). |
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[Mar. 27th, 2006|09:20 pm] |
Daylight Savings Time is fucking retarded. I would refuse to abide by it, but I fear being trapped in a timeloop and becoming a crazy milkman who gets his kicks from messing with lost children. Also getting fired for showing up late for work for the next six months.
In other news, you know what else would make the new BSG way more awesome? Introducing a Cylon version of Jack Simpson. Cry, Lee! Cry like you haven't cried since you were an ickle midshipman in the British navy! Mwahahaha!
Oh, and Cally is totally the Imperious Leader. You just wait and see. |
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[Mar. 26th, 2006|10:44 pm] |
I have decided that from this point on, whenever Lee Adama talks, I'm going to imagine him sounding like GIR from Invader Zim. It's the only way to control my increasing irritation at his almost unbelievable skill at getting on my nerves. I think somebody needs to replace Adama with like, movie!Denethor or Big Daddy Luthor (only as a temporary measure, of course, since it would be a crime against humanity to lose the Pure Awesomeness that is EJO!Adama), just to give Lee an example of what it's really like having an asshole for a father. Plus, it would be absolutely hilarious, next time Lee tries to beat his dad with the Stick of Zakguilt, if Adama just turned round and said he wished Lee had died instead. Absolute fucking smackdown. Man, I would love to see that. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2006|10:06 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | bsg, cornelia funke, cylon joe, dan dority is my bitch forever, deadwood, dirk benedict, edward james olmos, firefly, gerard butler, jamie bamber, joss whedon, kim possible, serenity, steve fucks your horse, thief lord, weekenders | ] |
I'm still gutted by the discovery that Rollo Weeks played Mini-Gerard in Attila. Sometimes the IMDB is a curse, I tell you.
And now, it's time for fun with memes:
List six of your favourite shows
1. Firefly
2. BSG (new)
3. Kim Possible
4. Weekenders
5. Deadwood
6. BSG (original)
( Spoilers for Serenity and the second season of Deadwood ) |
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[Mar. 14th, 2006|10:10 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | boy-molesting, bsg, cornelia funke, dan dority is my bitch forever, darth vader, deadwood, good omens, hornblower, i hate your kids, ickle midshipman archie, jamie bamber, john connolly, nip/tuck, scarlet pimpernel, star wars, terry pratchett, thief lord | ] |
It's here, it's here, it's fucking here! Six days after Play emailed me to let me know it had been dispatched, I now hold in my hands the deliciously molesterable Rollo Weeks a copy of the Thief Lord movie. YES! Hot underage boylove is mine in both fullscreen and widescreen formats. Sadly, the deleted scenes failed to include a Scipio/Prosper snogfest, but I don't care, because I know it happened and that's all that matters.
I was wondering how they were going to handle the after-effects of the roundabout, and I gotta say, that thing with using the original actors voices as their child-selves was just retarded. Especially Barbarossa - even leaving aside the fact that that kid looked like the Anti-Christ (and not a cute Anti-Christ like Adam Young or Damien in the first two Omen movies), that voice would have made any sane person run for the hills. But then again, the movie!Esther and Max were fucking psychotic, so it's probably a fair match.
Speaking of Adam Young, Jasper Harris? Bang on the money. If they ever get around to making Good Omens into a film, dear God, let him be cast. He's such a cutie; that whole "You forgot something important; it's under my jumper... it's me!" made me want to hug him and feed him sugar cookies and let him play with William Bullock in the land of Kids Who Are Just Too Damn Cute For My Black Heart To Withstand. They can throw rocks at Jake Lloyd and that stupid kid from the BSG mini-series from where they sit in the ajoining land of Kids I Hate And Should Be Thrown Out Of Airlocks After Being Eaten By A Fucking Annoying Robodog. What the hell was going on with Bo hallucinating about those animals, though? Uh, Prop, I think someone's been slipping your kid brother LSD on the sly...
For some reason, Vanessa Redgrave - who is in the film for like, twenty seconds - is the only cast member named on the back of the case, presumably because it's better than writing "starring that dude who was in the Scarlet Pimpernel and a bunch of Hornblower alumni that you've probably never heard of unless you're a total nerd who whores for Jamie Bamber in breeches". But seriously, what the hell? Why not just write "cast of rising young stars", because I guaran-fucking-tee, we'll be hearing from Rollo Weeks again when I kidnap him for my own depraved purposes and his parents start a campaign to rescue their poor, sweet child from my clutches.
More to come later on meeting John Connolly, the second season of Deadwood, and why Dan Dority needs to marry me like right the hell now. |
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[Mar. 1st, 2006|09:53 pm] |
I seen it! I seen it! I seen the episode of the A Team with Face and the Cylon! Now I can die happy.
In other news, I have determined that the reason I don't like Lorne Green!Adama as much as Edward James Olmos!Adama (aside from the fact that EJO was in Miami Vice, and everyone who was in Miami Vice is about a million times cooler than everyone who wasn't in Miami Vice) is because Edward James Olmos!Adama actually uses Starbuck for stuff rather than having this pilot who kind of floats around when not being used as a sidekick or having adventures that result directly from their own stupidity.
It's like, that whole Count Iblis thing? And Adama and Apollo are tooling around with Operation Too Complicated To Actually Work, and Apollo ends up getting his dumb ass shot by a spooky space-pig (for something made in the seventies, that scene actually did shit me right up, though I suspect it was because it gave me Lord of the Flies flashbacks), when any sensible person would have realised that the best way to deal with a guy who can read thoughts is to send someone who has absolutely no thoughts to read whatsoever. It would be awesome! Because they'd all be there in the War Room and whatever, and it would be like:
Count Iblis: *mindread*
Adama!thoughts: *Operation Too Complicated To Actually Work*
Count Iblis: *mindread*
Apollo!thoughts: *missing pilots* :(
Count Iblis: *mindread*
Starbuck: ......
Count Iblis: *mindread*
Starbuck: ......
Count Iblis: *mindread*
Starbuck: ......
Count Iblis: ...fuck.
Stupid Fucking Robodog: Yap!
Apollo!thoughts: *hate*
And then Count Iblis would decide that Starbuck had some kind of super-advanced mental abilities ("He's not stupid, he's advanced!") and that it was too dangerous to bother tooling around on the Galactica anymore, and he would leave but totally kill Sheba first, because she's annoying, and everyone would be pleased, especially me. |
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[Feb. 28th, 2006|10:35 pm] |
I think Buffy has ruined me for all other fandoms. No matter what show I watch, inevitably the thought will occur to me that there should be a musical episode in which everyone sings and dances merrily, except Dawn, who dies horribly and is laughed at by all. It's like Angelus; no other villian can ever match Angelus for pure, unadulterated class. And no show can ever be as good as Buffy, because no other show has a musical episode. Except Angel, because, dude, Puppet Cancer!
So I'm there watching that episode of BSG where they find the ship with all the sleeping people in it and then they wake up and they all go to this planet with the annoying little robot dudes who think Starbuck is a girl (and oh my, isn't that hilarious a quarter of a century later?), and he's talking to the kids about his wacky misadventures and he's like, "There were Cylons to the left of me, Cylons to the right.." and I'm there expectantly waiting for the instrumentals to kick in with "And here I am, stuck in the middle with you."
And then he doesn't, and I feel sad inside. |
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[Feb. 21st, 2006|10:23 pm] |
There are a lot of sins that can be forgiven simply by including Dirk Benedict in your show, but having an entire episode about a ship catching fire is a lot for even the Avatar of Bouncy to make up for. I mean, seriously, who thought that was a good idea? It's like, you're sitting there, it's Dirk, he's pretty, there's some evil robotic doom flying around, it's all good, and then:
"Oh noes, the Galactica is on fire! Curse you, Kamikaze Cylons!"
*ten minutes later*
"Wow, that sure is a bad fire..."
*ten more minutes later*
"I hate that fucking robodog. Oh look, more fire."
*ten more minutes later*
"Yup. That's fire alright."
*ten more minutes later*
"Oh God I don't care anymore, just evacuate the ship, throw everyone on the Rising Star out of the nearest airlock and commandeer it for yourselves. Admiral Cain would have wanted it this way."
*five minutes later*
"Huh? What? End credits? I must have dozed off. Oh well, time for some unicorns."
Also, what the hell was with Adama being all like, "Put your best people on this, Tigh"? Like Tigh is really sitting there going, "Oh hey, our ship is totally on fire, and if we all die the entire Fleet is shit out of luck... I think I'll entrust this misson to some random space-hobos I just found!" Shut up, Lorne Green. You're just not as awesome as Edward James Olmos. |
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[Feb. 18th, 2006|11:46 pm] |
I swear to God, Dirk Benedict is the world's bounciest human being. It's like his feet are made from tiny trampolines. I still don't think he could take Katee Sackhoff in a fight, though.
My feet, however, are not made from tiny trampolines and are very sore from hauling massive bags filled with Lush joy back from the train station after going to the party in York. And now I have exactly zero monies, and fail at life. On the other hand, I did meet some shiny cool people and also, did I mention I possess bags of pure joy? And the second season of the A Team (which certain filthy Southerners who shall remain Snithy will not be getting to watch on account of them being dirty, dirty whores) and hot chocolate in Darth Vader's head.
So in fact, I win at life, and I'm going to have a bath and then watch Dirk Benedict being bouncey, and wonder who would win if he and John Connolly got into a fight for my hand in marriage. |
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[Feb. 7th, 2006|06:44 pm] |
Oooh, Leoban the arms-dealing philosopher robot is in Highlander. And when he's not dying of radiation poisoning or having the shit kicked out of him by Starbuck, he's actually very attractive.
On a related note, I still think it was really shitty of Duncan to make Richie kill Mickey the Retard. Granted, in his position, I probably would have done the same, but it would be because I'm pragmatic, selfish and I get annoyed with people who take too much looking after, and I don't hold myself out as a bastion of righteousness the way Duncan does, so even if the end result was ultimately the same, the reasoning that brought us there would be entirely different. And anyway, since it was his decision, I don't see why Richie had to do it.
I bet he was afraid of the possibility of a Mong Quickening. |
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[Feb. 6th, 2006|10:30 pm] |
Girly squee! John Connolly will be back in Leeds on March 8 for some kind of "event" in Ottokars. Said "event" had better involve him signing my books and possibly me taking along an interpreter in case I get overwhelmed by fangirlish glee and forget my own name. And yes, that actually has happened to be, although not in front of John Connolly who is awesome and charming and remains unruffled by fangirls who tend to twitch and blush and squirm whenever he looks at them.
In other, girly-squee-related news, I just finished watching that episode where Starbuck gets stranded on a planet filled with Irish people - or rather, people with brogues that would make both David Boreanaz and Oliver Stone weep with the agony of their fakeness - and everyone there is named after some sin committed by their ancestors, and everyone wants to know what kind of sin "Starbucking" is and all I can think of is that it sounds really, really dirty.
In the best possible way, of course. |
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[Feb. 2nd, 2006|10:17 pm] |
I would just like to say how unbelievably glad I am to have dodged the bullet of HORRIFYING DOOMY HORROR that was Apollo/Sheba in the final episode of BSG. I had this terrible feeling that they were going to shoehorn it in at the very last minute, like a ninja of contrived, boring romance attacking me in my own home. Instead we get Sheba being her annoying, screechy self, and getting smacked down by a hilariously appalled Apollo who looks more frightened and disturbed than conflicted when she starts mauling him in that makeout spot stargazing turret thing.
I would say it was unfair that Starbuck gets the only decent love interest in the entire show (Serena did my head in aswell, "Oh look, I'm your wingman, oh no I got shot for being a fuckwit!"), but then I realised that hey, Apollo has Starbuck as his love interest and there is nothing more awesome than that. Even if he does have to share him with the unicorns. |
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[Jan. 23rd, 2006|11:22 pm] |
Oh my God. What possessed me to think I could work twelve days in a row? It's day eight and I already feel like death only very slightly warmed up. It's like the first episode of BSG where they have to keep jumping every 33 minutes and the little counter thing at the bottom of the screen shows how long they've gone without sleep and the cast looks progressively shittier as time goes on. Last Monday I was a semi-upright human being, but by this Friday I will have devolved into a shambling beast, all matted fur and venomous fangs and poisonous drool and wildly staring eyes.
In other news, Deadwood is so awesome that I can't believe I went this long without revisiting it. I was in stitches lasst night over that scene where Dan is getting all stressed about Al liking Silas Adams, and EB is all, "Oh no, you're still his favourite, he's just pretending to like Silas because he has to pretend to like that guy Silas works for," and then Silas walks in and Al compliments his haircut and insults his mother and Johnny is like, "Awww, they're so sweet!" and Dan has to take himself off for a manly cry in the titty corner. Although, possibly not exactly like that. |
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[Jan. 20th, 2006|11:55 pm] |
I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I started taking an interest in both shows at around the same time, but every now and then I'm struck by the disparity in the was the crew of Galactica and the personell at Stargate Command react to success. I mean, can you imagine if they switched commanding officers for a while? And like, maybe Galactica was running out of washing powder, so they send out Team Raptor and they find a whole planet made of washing powder, and then the Cylons are all, "Rarr no this is our washing powder!" but then Lee and Starbuck save the day through wacky hijinks and they bring the washing powder back to the Fleet, and everyone on Galactica is all like, "Yeah! Woo! YEAH! CLEAN CLOTHES! LET'S ALL JUMP AROUND AND HUG! WOOOOOO!" and General Hammond would just be standing there absolutely fucking horrified.
And then, back at the SGC, the Controllin' Worms are attacking (again) but then SG1 manage to defeat them through a combination of sass and science and... stupid archeological things and the Controllin' Worm ship explodes and Earth is safe and SG1 emerge from the wormhole and the SGC are like, *polite claps* and Adama's there all like, "WTF is wrong with you people?", only in a much more awesome way because dude, he's Commander Adama.
So that had absolutely no relevence to anything whatsoever, and now I'm going to eat cake. |
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[Jan. 2nd, 2006|10:36 pm] |
A delicious and Jamie Bamber-themed day. It is probably a testement to his skill as an actor that despite my intense love for him, I still find Lee Adama unbelievably annoying. Every time he gets upset he makes this face like... okay, have you watched Team America? The scene where Gary is infiltrating the terrorist meeting and he's in the Jeep being chased by TA and he's making that danger signal that is basically him waving his arms and making spaztic faces? That is what Lee looks like every time he tries to have an emotion. A retarded puppet.
Also am highly amused that Gaius is in the Scarlet Pimpernel, sporting exactly the same greasy mop of hair that he does in BSG. |
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[Dec. 17th, 2005|09:35 pm] |
It really pisses me off when the writers for TV shows try to use little kids to really "bring home" how awful a situation is. Case in point: that scene in BSG right after the big Cylon attack where Roslin is talking to that little girl (Cami?) and the little girl is all, "I'm going to meet Mummy and Daddy and we're going out for dinner and I'm going to have chicken pie and then we're going home and Daddy will read me a story and then I'm going to bed," and of course, we all know that Mummy and Daddy and all the chickens were incinerated in the big ol' Holocaust and poor little Cami will never get to have chicken pie again.
And you know what? I still don't care. I mean, I care about humanity being wiped out and the few survivors being hunted to the edges of the galaxy by a race of implacable killer toasters, but I don't care any more just because Cami doesn't get to eat pie. In fact, it kind of makes me want to jump up and down and yell "Your Mummy and Daddy are dead! They died a horrible burny death made from lasers and their eyeballs probably boiled in their sockets and their skin was flensed away from their flesh before they merifully lost conciousness, and they're never coming back and you'll never get to eat pie ever again so there you horrible snot-nosed little brat!"
This could be why nobody ever asks me to be the President in times of crisis. Damn my inherently jerky nature. |
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[Sep. 13th, 2005|10:19 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | bsg, dukes of hazzard, escaflowne, hornblower, ickle midshipman archie, jamie bamber, joss whedon, phantom of the opera, poto, serenity, stargate | ] |
Those of you who are familiar with Escaflowne: Zaibach Strikes Back Stargate: Atlantis should all go here and download the most awesome music video known to man. Boy, those Wraith sure do love Pointy. For my part, although Bob definatly has the rugged bad-boy vibe down, with his dreads and manly strut and facial tattoos, Steve is the one I'd bring home to meet my parents. You know, if I didn't think he'd eat them.
The new Battlestar Galactica makes me sad. Mostly, I suspect, because I want Apollo to be some kind of Ickle Midshipman Archie In Space, and instead he's just some whiny whiner guy who happens to look like Ickle Midshipman Archie but with muscles and non-cute hair. And no Welsh Bloke to slash it up with.
In other news, went to see Dukes of Hazzard last week. It was very enjoyable (though Stifler!Bo is not a patch on real!Bo, and Sean Williams-Scott annoys me by having eyebrows that don't match his hair), but they showed the Serenity trailer right before it and so was overshadowed by OMFG SERENITY TRAILER SQUEE! Space! Pirate-cowboys! Indecently tight pants! Jayne! Waistcoats! Jayne! Vera! Jayne! Ninjas! Jayne! And did I mention... Jayne! I do love me some Jayne.
Also, the 40 Year Old Virgin looks to be the lamest film since... some other lame film that I made fun of but have forgotten about. Seriously, if I wanted to see a film about a middle aged guy who can't get any tail, I'd go and watch Phantom of the Opera again. |
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[Aug. 10th, 2005|09:16 pm] |
So, you know that episode of the Simpsons where Homer is watching Twin Peaks at the start and every now and then he laughs and is like, "I have absolutely no idea what's going on"? That's my life today.
First of all I got called in to do an early morning four-hour shift at work. Of course, I need the money to buy Alexander (oh sweet, sweet Colin Farrell, you shall be mine in all your mini-skirt-wearing, eyeliner'd, Jared Leto-snogging glory), so a little overtime is more than welcome, but it did mean my internal clock was wonky for the rest of the day.
So I came home, and the landlord has been 'round to put damp seal on the bathroom walls and ceilings. Awesome, because damp walls are gross, but my bathroom is an ensuite and that meant my afternoon nap was more a case of me getting high off delicious fumes and having weird dreams about robot dogs and that one guy from Battlestar Galactica.
So I went for a walk to clear my head, and there's some kind of parade going on in town with floats and people in costumes and by this point I'm thinking that somebody's poisoned my water supply and that I'm locked up in an asylum because it can't possibly be that the whole world has gone fucking batshit insane, and I figure I might as well go and see the Fantastic Four movie and that just proves that I'm crazy because there's no way in Hell I would go and see that when I'm in my right mind.
Only FF is so goddamn crap that I can't possibly be hallucinating, since my hallucinations are always better scripted and acted and basically a lot less tedious, so I figure maybe I'm just having a bad day and I should cut my losses, remember that at least I did get to see Juliam McMahon on the big screen, even if yet again shit was going down with his pretty face and what is up with that, I ask you, and so I go home.
And there is some little French boy sitting on my doorstep reading a comic book.
I have absolutely no idea what's going on. |
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