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"...I do not peddle flesh; I sell dreams..."
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[Sep. 27th, 2009|11:10 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | alexander, angel, buffy, christian slater, colin farrel, cynthia ettinger, firefly, heroes, jared leto, joss whedon, nick stahl | ] |
Oh man, you guys, I have just had my best idea ever! Having finally succumbed to my own suckiness, I have purchased the alledgedly "ultimate" edition of Alexander, and was disappointed to discover it contained no Colin Farrel/Jared Leto sex scenes, no dinosaurs, no lasers and no car chases. I mean, can you really call anything an "ultimate" version of something if there aren't even any car chases? Shame on you, Oliver Stone.
Anyway, while pondering the injustice of misleading Hollywood reissues, I sulked my way through an extra twenty minutes of Jared Leto and Colin Farrel not getting it on, and at last Ye Olde Anthony Hopkins appeared to tell me my pain was at an end, as signalled by a shot of a statue that looks nothing like The Colin. I sigh a sigh of bitterest disappointment while Anthony Hopkins and his beard witter on about "the greatest man I ever knew," blahblahblah historical boringcakes, and then I hear the words, "Mecha Alexandros".
And that's when it hit me. The key to a successful retelling of the Alexander legend is to set it in SPACE! Instead of Macedonian sheep herders, Alexander will be descended from the inventors of the first Mecha capable of space flight, but the evil Persian empire has long since co-opted the technology for their own nefarious purposes. Led by the dread king D3r1u5, the Persian empire assassinate King Phillip in a bid to subvert intergalactic patent laws relating to their new mechanical army. However, they have reckoned without the bravery of the young Prince Alexander and his snake-charming MILF, Queen Olympias.
Buccephelus will be Alexanders' fighter craft, who talks, and Nearchus will be a flamboyantly gay space pirate who is never seen without a bottle of mineral water in hand and insists on referring to Alexander and "Alexander the Fabulous". Hephaestion will take over the traditional "bitchy queen" role and largely be based on Cordelia Chase.
Obviously it would be super-awesome if we can get Jared Leto and Colin Farrel back, but on the offchance that they want nothing to do with this thing of beauty, I already have the new cast in line: Nick Stahl will play the role of Alexander, with Sean Maher playing Hephaestion. Christian Slater will be Philip, Cynthia Ettinger will be Olympias and the role of Nearchus will be ably filled by Zachary Quinto. IT CANNOT POSSIBLY GO WRONG! |
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[Sep. 6th, 2009|12:47 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, antonio banderas, buffy, bully, carnivale, heathers, highlander, i hate bugs, interview with a vampire, jason issacs, johnny depp, joss whedon, larry clark, nick stahl, ouatim, peter pan, shitty movies i hate, snithy, the lair, vampires yay | ] |
Oh dudes, I am watching the Buffy movie for the first time in like, ten years (seriously, the last time I watched it I still lived at home and it was on TV) and it's so random and campy and beautiful and it's totally making me want to watch the TV series again even though I just watched all of it* like a month ago. Like when they're interviewing kids at the end and that one guy is all, "They had fangs and they were biting people and their eyes were totally dead - I think they were Young Republicans" and that part where Buffy steals the dude's bike and he's like, "Skank! You're a dyke! I'm going to tell the world!" or the fact that her friends are totally Heathers and the one guy who is still dying even after the end credits and it's so beautiful.
Also, this massive spider just ran across my floor and I was so busy giggling about the Buffy movie that I dropped a book on it before I even had a chance to freak out. Yes, it is that good!
Also I watched Interview with the Vampire today and oh my God, how much is the making of Claudia like, the vampire equivilent of deliberately getting knocked up in order to trap a dude into a relationship? She's like a three foot high walking piece of emotional blackmail. Andandand that bit where she tells Louis that she wants to leave and he's all whiny and like, "No that will never happen MY LIFE IS MISERY AND DESPAIR!" and she makes this awesome "get over yourself" face that makes me laugh and which is made even funnier by the fact that she's like seven years old, and that bit where she tells Lestat she has a present for him and he's all, "Then I hope it's a hot babe with boobies which you will never have!" and I'm like OH TOTAL BURN because nothing is worse than the "you'll never be a wo/man!" burn (see also: Kenny from Highlander or Peter Pan in that awesome movie where Jason Isaacs was Hook).
ALSO! Snithy, you should totally have let me show you Bully this weekend - it had male strippers, but they were young and sleek and, if not actually attractive, at least not eye-gougingly hideous and Clivelike. Also, naked Nick Stahl! Being naked and totally mean and punching people for no good reason! Nick Stahl is surely one of the most under-rated beautiful men of our time.
Then again, Bully was actually good so you probably would have had an allergic reaction to it seeing as you only like things that suck in the not-good way, Mrs "Carnivale and OUATIM and the 4400 are crap oh wait let me watch two seasons of the Lair and give us both brain damage!"
Man, you know that fuckwad who created Kidulthood, and all those other even bigger fuckwads who went on about how great it was, when in fact it was a shitty movie about a bunch of dumbass chavs doing dumbass chav things and not getting sterilized and/or shot down like rabid dogs which is really what needed to happen, both in the film and in real life? It would be so great if Larry Clark could give those people lessons in how to make movies about young people that are dark and true and also don't totally fucking suck.
*And by "all of it", what I actually mean is "the first three seasons because I try to pretend everything after Graduation Day didn't happen." |
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[Aug. 17th, 2009|10:26 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, american gothic, angel, buffy, carnivale, cornelia funke, eerie indiana, escaflowne, job of doom, joss whedon, meme, numb3rs, the tribe, thief lord | ] |
Dudes, I just saw the last episode of the Tribe and really, how fucking stupid do you have to be not to realise that an AI with the combined personalities of a dead sociopath and a live megalomaniac is going to wind up going SkyNet all over the place? What an idiot!
Man, I so want a Zoot AI of my own now. Especially if I could put it on the PCs at work and have it smile creepily every time someone tried to ask me an inane question. Which would actually be all the time. Maybe if someone asked me a non-retarded question, he'd Vogue.
And now, meme answers!
Scheherezhad wanted to know my top five Eerie moments:
1: The scene in the Hole in the Head Gang where Simon and Mars see the fake ghost head for the first time, and Mars is like ARRRRRGGGHHHH-*takes picture*-AARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
2: The scene in Scariest Home Movies where Harley steps on the female leads' dress and it rips and you see her knickers and then he turns and waggles his eyebrows suggestively at the audience - is there anything funnier than a pervy six year old?
3: The scene in Who's Who where Simon tells Sarah Sue-Bob that she should try telling her family how she feels, and Sarah Sue-Bob says that she hopes "this isn't some New Age peaceful thing that will backfire on me," and then it does!
4: Dash and Mars' almost-kiss in the alley behind the Loyal Order of Corn. Yes it was, shut the fuck up.
5: The Foreverware Wave.
Chibimarchy wanted to know my top five canon or fanom pairings from any fandom:
Canon pairings:
1: Buffy and Angel (BtVS/Angel) I swear, I will be like sixty and watching it on the DVD player surgically grafted onto my face as I zoom around the Moon Station with my personal jetpack, and I will still be crying over that scene at the end of season three where he shows up to take her to the prom. And then I'll probably crash into a satellite because I can't see where I'm going through the tears.
2: Van and Hitomi (Escaflowne) Even though in the end Hitomi chose indoor plumbing and electricty over young love and an early death from cholera due to Fanelia's appalling lack of infrastructure, I got a bit choked up during that scene where she decides to go back to him and as she's running on the track, he appears on the Escaflowne in a pillar of light and he's about to speak and she just throws herself into his arms. Having said that, I also quite liked the scene in Operation: Golden Rule of Love where he was trying to tell her how he felt and he ended up saying he wanted her powers instead and she bitchslapped him.
3: Rita Sue and Jonesy (Carnivale) That first time, where she takes off his brace, was so bitter-sweet and beautiful, and afterwards they were so hot and heavy together, the way they couldn't keep their hands off each other - Rita Sue is so jaded and worldly when it comes to sex and love and marriage, so having her fall for Jonesy that hard made it all the more meaningful. And of course all the more heartbreaking when he broke it off.
4: Jack and Ellie (the Tribe) I just think they're adorable together - like when he renames their newspaper the Amulet and she says he's beautiful, or the conversation with the walkie-talkies where neither of them want to hang up - and that scene where you find out that it's Ellie sending Ebony all the death threats, because she blames her forJack being taken, and Ebony gets her trademark sass on and Ellie just lunges for her and Ebony's like OMGWTF and even Techno Ranger almost manages an expression.
5: Lucas and Selina (American Gothic) Because... because they're Lucas and Selina, come on, like I even have to explain that!
Fanon pairings:
1: Jordan/Shawn (4400) Because the debauching of underage boys by morally ambiguous, totally hot, beard-having Messiah figures is awesome.
2: Bray/Lex (the Tribe) Because alpha-male power struggles are also awesome, especially if one party habitually wears a lot of leather and eyeliner, and especially-specially if it tends to devolve into homoerotic wrestling matches.
3: Scipio/Prosper (the Thief Lord) Because underage boylove in Venice? Yes, that too is awesome.
4: Mars/Dash (Eerie Indiana) As above, but in Indiana.
5: Colby/Charlie (Numb3rs) Because... dude, look at them! That's why!
itsjustc wanted to know my top five Tribe characters:
1: Jack
2: Lex
3: KC
4: Ebony
5: Bray |
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[Jul. 29th, 2009|10:50 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | angel, blood ties, buffy, david boreanaz, edward cullen is a big gay baby, joss whedon, keiffer sutherland, moonlight, the dave, the lost boys, true blood, vampires yay | ] |
Dudes, I would just like to point out that if there was some kind of big vampire convention and all the fictional vampires got invited, Edward Cullen would not be allowed to sit at the Awesome Table. In fact, he wouldn't even get a table. He would have to sit huddled in the corner where the rising damp is, with the other rejects like Mick from Moonlight and Henry from Blood Ties. And all the vampires at the Awesome Table like Angelus and Eric and David would laugh at them and make mocking and hurtful remarks and possibly throw things. |
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[Jul. 18th, 2009|06:28 pm] |
Dudes, Being Human is completely awesome. The show, I mean, not actually being human, because as I have said previously, that's actually a bit rub. But anyway, oh my God, George! I love him! He is my favouritest werewolf of all the werewolves throughout the recorded history of time! He's so shrill and flaily and random.
Annie and Mitchell are also good. Evil Fiance Owen is good in the sense that he is horrifying and evil. Herrick is not good, because he's like a poor mans' Holland Manners, who in turn was a bargain basement version of the Mayor. But mostly GEORGE! Oh, he is so wonderful. I hope it runs for millions of years and I never get bored or snarky about it and they never introduce lame plots where, FOR EXAMPLE, Lauren turns up with Mitchell's baby whose arrival was foretold by prophecy and who has the power to RUIN EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD ABOUT THE SHOW EVER AND GENERALLY WHINE AND HAVE A STUPID FUCKING FACE.
Oh God Vincent Kartheiser, I fucking hate you. |
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[Jul. 8th, 2009|11:46 pm] |
Why isn't there more Hyena!Xander in the world? Why, dudes?! I feel if we are to avoid being killed in a nuclear explosion, the government should fund an increase in Hyena!Xanders.
That is all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2009|11:52 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | angel, buffy, christian kane, david boreanaz, dickens, firefly, joss whedon, numb3rs, poor ickle lindsey, serenity, the dave, zombies | ] |
Dudes! Okay so, I generally try and pretend the last four seasons of Buffy never happened, mostly because thinking about them sparks off a twnety minute string of profanities about the shitness of Dawn/Riley/Kennedy and the downfall of Buffy and I really try not to mention what Xander devolved into because it breaks my heart a bit and of course you have Spike's eighty-odd-episodes-long character rape and I'm going to stop now because otherwise this post will be another swearathon, but anyway! So I always thought that Andrew was a bit shit, although in fairness by the time it ended he was the only one I wasn't actively hoping would die, but only because he was just lame instead of rage-inducingly dislikable. But anyway, I was watching that episode of Angel with the mental Slayer who cuts off Spike's hands, and I realised, it's Amita from Numb3rs. And now I'm thinking, Andrew can't have been as much of a 'tard as I thought he was, because apparently his training program not only makes you not be crazy, it turns you into a kind of Maths Superhero.
And now I think Amita Ramanujan: Vampire Slayer should be a show. Or maybe she can be a character in my Zombie Dickens fest - like when Zombie Twist is all, "Please sir, can I have some more... BRAINS ARRRGHRAHGARGHCHOMPYFACE!" Amita can dramatically ninja in through the window and dismember him.
I'm not sure how I feel about Amita/The Dave, though. Probably he would have another love interest that was Lindsey no I didn't just write that.
Also, where is all my Jayne/Simon porn? I thought I bookmarked it under memories but it's gone away. Boo! |
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[Apr. 15th, 2009|02:34 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, billy campbell, buffy, heroes, i hate bugs, i hate clowns, shark, simpsons, smallville, stargate, supernatural, x-files | ] |
Do you guys know why the 4400 is better than pretty much every sci-fi/fantasy/horror show ever? It's not because it has Billy Campbell bringing heaven to earth (if the suckfest that was Shark proved anything, it is that not even Billy Campbell can rescue a show that is otherwise dire) or because there's a character whose ability is the power to make shockingly poor B-movie conspiracy thrillers, or even because Joel Gresch is a marvellous actor who really hasn't been given the praise he deserves in previous posts because I'm shallow and would rather talk about how beautiful and earnest his character is. No, the 4400 is better than it's peers because it has never, ever had an episode about bugs.
I hate bugs. I would rather face hoardes of ravening zombies in a nuclear wasteland than see some bugs. And that sucks because, from Buffy to the X-Files via Smallville and Stargate and Supernatural, in every sci-fi-ish show in the whole history of recorded time, there's always an episode about bugs somewhere. Even Heroes did it with that whole Mohinderspider thing - and really, way to take a character whose only positive attribute is his pretty face - not to mention, one of only a few really attractive actors left by that point - and totally wreck it for everyone. Stupid Mohinder. Stupid show.
Anyway, the point of this post is that I just finished watching Fear Itself, and I was so relieved that I didn't have to deal with anyone's arachnophobia coming to glaring CGI life on my TV screen that I forgot about the bit at the start where the dude gets attacked by clowns. And now I'm having a total "can't sleep, clown will eat me" moment and I'm trying to distract myself and it's totally not working.
Damn it. I am going to make a hot chocolate and then sit up working on my Marked!Jordan/Shawn smutfic and try not to think about clowns with mouths full of yellowed, needle-sharp teeth and long, jagged fingernails tearing at my flesh OH GOD! |
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[Jan. 5th, 2009|10:55 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | 30 rock, a town called eureka, buffy, heroes, mad men, near dark, profit, smallville, star trek, stargate, utena, vampires yay, year of the pasdar, zac efron blows goats | ] |
Profit arrived last week. Oh my fucking God! It's like somebody sat down and thought, "Hmm, let's design a show specifically to appeal to Froodles. What do Froodles like? Nakedness, killin's, Nathan Petrelli - I HAVE IT!" Seriously dudes, this is what Mad Men would be like if Don was actually a sociopath rather than just kind of a dick. And did I mention, there is so much naked Nathan Petrelli!
Starting immediately, 2009 will be known as the Year of The Pasdar. Anyone caught not celebrating the Year of The Pasdar will be doomed to spend the next 360 days in Hell, which is a small room covered in pictures of Zefron fondling his nipples while a tape of Jade Goody talking plays on an endless loop and there's nothing you can use to take your own life and end the pain.
Of course, since he hasn't been in much besides Heroes and Profit and that one really random movie with the cowboy vampires (no, I'm not making this up), it may be necessary to Pasdarize some other shows in order to have enough entertainment to last the whole year. Suggestions so far:
- Nathan: the Vampire Slayer
- Battlestar Pasdarica
- Stargate: SG Pasdar
- Pasdar Atlantis
- Pastrek
- Pasdarville
- A Town Called Pasdar
- Revolutionary Girl Pasdar
- 30 Pasdar
On a related note, I saw the season finale of Heroes when I was home over Christmas and Sylar is such a goon! He's totally fallen into the trap of having plans that are too complicated to actually work - I'm not going to go into too many details here because I can't be bothered to look up the cut tag, but I swear he spent five minutes gloating to Mr Bennett about whatever the fuck his evil plan was. And Mr Bennet looked bored. Whatever, Sylar. I liked you better when you just ate brains and stalked Mohinder. |
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[Aug. 24th, 2008|10:23 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | 24, batbale, batman begins, bones, breakfast on pluto, bsg, buffy, carnivale, christian bale, cillian murphy, colin farrel, dark knight, david boreanaz, deadwood, edward james olmos, heroes, highlander, idina menzel, in bruges, johnny depp, keiffer sutherland, moomins, nbx, numb3rs, ouatim, rent, sweeney todd, the dave, the downey, the wire, tove jansson, utena, zodiac | ] |
Aww fuck, you guys, I think I just permanantly destroyed Batman Begins for myself by watching it right after I watched Breakfast on Pluto. And for once it's completely my own fault, because I've seen both of them multiple times so I can't claim I was tricked into watching or anything. Now every time Dr Crane gases anyone, I keep seeing that scene from BoP where he imagines himself as an undercover counter-terrorist agent, complete with black PVC minidress and flashing a bright yellow bra, and he neutralizes all the bombers by spraying Chanel perfume* in their eyes, and it just destroys me.
In other news, I have decided to invent some kind of coolness scale where characters are awarded points based on the liklihood of them karate-chopping a midget. It'll look something like this:
Karate-chopping a midget: 10 coolpoints
Doing harm to a midget other than by karate-chopping it: 5 coolpoints
Not doing anything mean to a midget: 0 coolpoints
A midget karate-chops you: minus 10,000 coolpoints
I decided to test it out on a random selection and it works pretty well, as shown below:
Jack Bauer: would karate-chop a midget: 10 points.
Sweeney Todd: would cut a midget's throat and make it into pie: 5 points
Al Swearengen: as above, except replace "make it into pie" with "feed to Mister Wu's piggies": 5 points
Edward James Olmos: would shout or glare at a regular midget; only karate-chops midgets if they are Cylons: 7.5 points
Methos: doesn't know karate, but from a moral perspective, would have no problem karate-chopping a midget: 10 points, because he can always learn later.
The Dave: unable to bring himself to harm a midget: 0 points.
Giles: would karate-chop a midget, then fire-bomb its house, but only if the midget really pushed him to it: 10 points
Nathan Petrelli: no qualms about karate-chopping a midget whatsoever: 10 points
Angela Petrelli: would belittle the midget so much it karate-chopped itself: 10 points
Peter Petrelli: gets karate-chopped by the midget. Everyone laughs. Minus 10,000 points.
Agent Sands: if he still has eyes, karate-chops the midget; if not, shoots the midget after locating it by the sound of it's tiny midget feet: 10 points, because the intention is there if not the physical ability.
Moominpapa: doesn't know karate, and anyway has tiny Moomin arms unsuitable for midget-chopping. Would probably write a chapter in his Memoirs about how he karate-chopped it anyway: 5 points for inventiveness.
Mark Cohen from RENT: gets karate-chopped by the midget. Minus 10,000 points.
Idina Menzel, in anything: karate-chops that midget and makes it cry little midget tears. 10 points.
Akio Ohtori: karate-chops the midget, steals its fine midget hos, then runs the midget down in the Akiocar. 10 points.
Stringer Bell: karate-chops the midget only if economically viable. Otherwise, arranges to have it gunned down in a drive-by. 7.5 points.
Oogie Boogie: karate-chops the midget, sings a song about it: 10 points
Ben Hawkins: karate-chops a midget, spends three episodes angsting about it. 9.5 points, as he gets half a point deduction for angst.
Don Eppes: pre-The Bunk, karate-chops that midget and takes a suspension. Post-The Bunk, tries to work out his differences with the midget, then gets Lou Diamond Phillips to karate-chop it for him instead. 7.5 points.
Harvey Dent: gets karate-chopped by a midget, cries like a bitch. Ditto Two-Face, but with half as many tears. Minus 20,000 points because both personalities fail.
I call it the Froodilicus Scale of Karate-Chopped Midgets. Obviously you can't rely on it entirely - for example, Brennan would have no problem karate-chopping a midget whereas The Dave would, but clearly The Dave is clearly cooler than Brennan. But as a rough guide, it's pretty accurate.
On a completely unrelated note, I'm thinking of buying a new storage unit as the number of books, DVDs and random crap in my house has once again reached critical mass. At the moment I am torn between this and this. On the one hand, the cabinet gives me much more storage space and as it's got glass shelves, I can put my models and suchlike in there and not have to worry about dusting them. On the other hand, it's white and white wooden furniture always makes me feel like I'm trapped in a John Hughes movie circa 1984. Comments? Suggestions?
Oh, and finally, and having nothing to do with anything discussed above: MOAR ZODIAC PORN PLZ. That is all.
*For the record, given that pretty much every Chanel product smells like catpiss, I think it would be very effective as a weapon used either by or against terrorists. I know if you sprayed it on me, I'd be too busy choking and retching to even think about blowing stuff up until I'd had a shower. |
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[Aug. 20th, 2008|11:42 pm] |
Okay, I just finished watching the second season of Heroes, and I will at least semi-retract all the snarky comments I made about Sylar being a complete 'tard in terms of villiany. I mean, he's still pretty much a whiny little bitch in an alpha-male body, and he certainly doesn't stand up to time-honoured villians of awesome such as Angelus and the Mayor*, but ( Read more... )
Also, I really do not care if Adam/Kensei/whatever is evil or not, because he is hi-lariously awesome and completely wins at drunkenness and sucker-punching folk and generally being suave and English and not crying about everything like a big fucking loser, and that makes a man rise very high in my estimation. Not to mention the fact that if it wasn't for him, ( Read more... )
Hmm, I thought I had more to say here, but probably talking about the hotness of Nathan has driven any other thoughts out of my mind, so I'll leave it here.
*For the record, he can't karate-chop midgets either, but I'm pretty sure that is a super-power unique to Colin Farrel, so I won't bitch. |
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[Jul. 17th, 2008|12:30 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | bones, bsg, buffy, david boreanaz, deadwood, fuck you david caruso, jericho, lou diamond phillips, nip/tuck, numb3rs, skeet ulrich, supernatural, the wire | ] |
So, FX have just announced that the sixth season of Nip/Tuck will be the last. I'm pretty much in favour of this, not because I have any issues with the show itself, but simply because there are so many shows that outstay their welcome and then what once was beautiful and pure becomes this evil-smelling swamp of ridiculous plots and shitty inconsistant characterization and dialogue so bad you want to gouge out your eyes from the sheer horror of it all.
Yeah, I still have issues relating to those last few seasons of Buffy.
But seriously, I think there should be some sort of law that if you want to extend your show beyond three seasons, you have to prove it won't suck beyond all measure before you're allowed to do it. Like, I'm sad that Deadwood is no more, but nothing like as sad as I would have been if it had degenerated into pointless crap involving mysically appearing kid sisters and Al becoming some whiny tardface with his stupid fake soul and lovebots and fucking annoying high school nerds gone Darkside...
Ahem. I'm sorry, I really will shut up about Buffy now.
But anyway, with Nip/Tuck going off the air, and what is most likely the end of my love affair with Bones, and this season of the Wire being the last (like Deadwood, an example of an awesome show that has the foresight to bow out gracefully and with lots of fake serial killings) it means I'm pretty much left with Numb3rs to fall back on. And BSG, of course, but that's not really light after-work viewing, and frankly not homoerotic at all.
And although The Bunk is of course awesome, I do not approve of how much more laid back Don is since starting therapy. I missed it the first time, as I was busy being relieved over the whole "Colby is not a filthy Communist spy" thing, but Don has not pistol-whipped anyone, hurled a suspect around an interrogation room or allowed Lou Diamond Phillips to torture people at all this season. I really do not approve. Bring back the old Don, who shouted at everyone and then shot a bunch of guys and looked serious! Charlie is adorable and Colby is burly and Larry is awesome, but seriously, I require more manly violence! Somebody recommend some shows with manly violence in them to me. Oh, and not any variation on CSI - fucking David Caruso's syphilis-raddled face has poisoned me against all forms of CSI forever. And not Supernatural either, for the same reason only substitute "Jared Padalecki" for "David Caruso".
God. Why is there not more Jericho? WHY YOU GUYS?! Okay, Jake Green never tied a bunch of hams to some guy so alligators would eat him, and he can't fight crime with maths, but he can fly planes and look sad, and I bet Mister Hawkins is the World Champion when it comes to pistol-whipping and the torture of suspects.
Goddamn you, television. Don't force me to entertain myself! |
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[Jun. 1st, 2006|10:25 pm] |
So, I have fresh strawberries and Buffy on DVD (yes, I know it's not as important as not being Jake Lloyd, but it's still pretty damn important) and I actually remembered to clean the bathroom today, so I'm feeling fairly accomplished. Also, I would like to say that while the Mayor is clearly the Comedy King of Buffy villians, I Only Have Eyes For You will have me in hysterics every single time Buffy calls Angelus a bitch. And also, oh my God, is that Sol Star I see playing Sunnydale High's Janitor George? The IMDB says yes. I'm trying to imagine the circumstances in which Sol would have to sit Bullock down and explain to him that he once killed a woman while possessed by an angry highschooler from the 1950s, but I think it would just make Bullock angry and confused and then he'd have to go out and pistol-whip some hooples or insult Trixie or throw Al off a balcony, as is his wont.
Also, it bothers me to think that if Ian McShane and Edward James Olmos got into a fight, Edward James Olmos would probably win, because Ian McShane has awesome frontiersman stabbin' skills, but EJO has the power of 80s fashion HORROR and I don't think Ian McShane could withstand a full frontal assault in clashing pastels and neon. This is the sort of thing that keeps me up at night. |
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[Apr. 22nd, 2006|10:02 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | blade, buffy, donald sutherland, dracula, horror movies, interview with a vampire, jesus christ vampire hunter, keiffer sutherland, liam neeson is god, paintshop silliness, the lost boys, thlayli, vampires yay | ] |
The most awesome thing about Easter is the after-Easter sale on all kinds of delicious chocolatey items. I did indeed get my rum truffles, and some snacks for Thlayli and co., before returning home for a marvellously vampire-themed moviefest: Blade Trinity, Dracula 2001, the Lost Boys, Interview with the Vampire, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and oh, the delicious irony of Donald Sutherland being a Watcher and Keifer Sutherland being, well, David) and of course, Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter. Because everything's better with ninjas.
Of course, nobody can see that much religious iconography in one day without some consequences, and so I give you another installment of...
( Read more... )
I don't normally talk about serious things in this journal, owing to the fact that I'm not a very serious person and also because I believe the internet is for porn, but occaisonally something will rile me to the point where I have to speak up.
I am sick and tired of hearing pretentious fuckwits whine about the great evil that is Christianity. You're not being oppressed when I go to mass. Lighting a candle for the dead does not mean I am some right-wing anti-abortionist lunatic, or that I have been brainwashed by Vatican propaganda. How dare you make assumptions about my intelligance or political allegiance or in fact, any other aspect of my life based on something that is none of your fucking business in the first place? It's so wonderful that you're secure enough in your own belief system that you feel entitled to make snide remarks about other peoples. I'm not making you attend with me, I'm not asking you to pay lip-service to the things that I believe, I'm not trying to convert you, and frankly, if that's how you're going to act then I wouldn't want you on my side anyway. What I believe is not up for debate, and spouting anti-Christian rhetoric at me in a loud voice is not debate to begin with.
Those people with the signs get on my nerves, yes, but so do Big Issue sellers and Amnesty International members and buskers and anybody else who interferes with me getting in and out of town with as little human interaction as possible. But the ones that really annoy me are mother-fucking hecklers who verbally attack these people. Nobody cares about their religious views, and guess what? Nobody cares about yours, either. Stop trying to impress your worthless friends with how "OMGALTERNATIVE" you are, and grow the fuck up. And the next time you want to talk to me about my faith?
Fuck yourself, and don't act entitled to answers. |
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[Apr. 6th, 2006|10:03 pm] |
I love Tony Dracon. I can't help it; I think it's the eyebrows. Logically I know he's nowhere near the danger-levels posed by Demona or Macbeth or Xanatos; hell, he's not even the equivilent of the Pack or Puck in a snit. But I love him. He's not immortal or super-rich or cybernetically enhanced or any kind of mythical creature; he's just your average, run-of-the-mill crime boss. And something about him makes me smile every time he shows up, even though Deadly Force is quite possibly the worst episode out of the entire three series, including the unbelievably dire Goliath Chronicals, and even though all he ever really manages to do is annoy Elisa. And he has nice hair, in a show where everyone else has mullets or dodgy beards or those weird little ear-tufts that make me think of Kurama from Yu Yu Hakusho or is totally bald.
Of course, nobody can compete with Demona for my affections, except possibly Mystique, on account of my weakness towards blue-skinned red-haired villianesses with skimpy white outfits. And as much as I like Eliza, there comes a point where, like Buffy and Duncan McLeod, she's going to have to learn that dating an older man usually means dealing with at least one of his psychotic exes. |
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[Mar. 6th, 2006|11:51 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | a home at the end of the world, alexander, buffy, cillian murphy, colin farrel, dallas roberts, french people suck, jeremy renner, johnny cash, ll cool j, reeses peanut butter cups, samuel l jackson kicks your ass, tigerland, walk the line | ] |
SWAT is the cinematographic equivilent of the Reeses Peanut Butter Cup; sure, if that was all you ate, you'd eventually die of malnutrition, but damn if it isn;t just about the yummiest thing on the face of the earth. Colin Farrell being hot, kicking ass and having his trademark pointy hair, with side orders of Jeremy Renner and LL Cool J, topped off with Samuel L Jackson being awesome and French people being beaten up - it's pretty much the ultimate snack food... I mean movie.
Dissapointed with Intermission, though; I mean, Cillian Murphy and Colin Farrell in the same film should be a recipe for sexy Irish goodness, but the entire movie left me feeling kind of "meh". I suspect Colin's lack of hair contributed considerably to my low opinion.
Tigerland and Alexander are still awesome, and of course, A Home at the End of the World remains one of the most beautiful, moving, and altogether excellent films I have ever seen. Dallas Roberts is awesome, and should totally do more stuff; I was so excited when I saw him in the trailer for Walk the Line, and so gutted that he didn't have a bigger part. But then, I was busy being traumatised by Larry from Buffy playing Marshall Grant, so maybe I wouldn't have noticed. |
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[Feb. 28th, 2006|10:35 pm] |
I think Buffy has ruined me for all other fandoms. No matter what show I watch, inevitably the thought will occur to me that there should be a musical episode in which everyone sings and dances merrily, except Dawn, who dies horribly and is laughed at by all. It's like Angelus; no other villian can ever match Angelus for pure, unadulterated class. And no show can ever be as good as Buffy, because no other show has a musical episode. Except Angel, because, dude, Puppet Cancer!
So I'm there watching that episode of BSG where they find the ship with all the sleeping people in it and then they wake up and they all go to this planet with the annoying little robot dudes who think Starbuck is a girl (and oh my, isn't that hilarious a quarter of a century later?), and he's talking to the kids about his wacky misadventures and he's like, "There were Cylons to the left of me, Cylons to the right.." and I'm there expectantly waiting for the instrumentals to kick in with "And here I am, stuck in the middle with you."
And then he doesn't, and I feel sad inside. |
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[Dec. 2nd, 2005|11:59 pm] |
I love Mayor Chisel. Seriously, the guy is a complete dude. He's blatently the forerunner of Major Wilkins from Buffy, coincidently my favourite Big Bad of the entire Jossverse (Angelus doesn't count, that being mostly based on sex-appeal and eyeliner and leather pants, all of which Faith, as Mayor Wilkin's sidekick, also had). Of course, Mayor Chisel doesn't Ascend into a giant snake and he doesn't have a sexy evil Slayer on his team, but he did try to feed Dash and Mars to a werewolf - and I was in hysterics when he basically mocks Mars for having caught Werewolfitus; it's such a hilariously tasteless and cruel thing to do - and he projects that same genial, avuncular brand of Evilness that was Mayor Wilkin's trademark.
Also, whatever's going on in Eerie? He's so in on it. That big fit he has about the Circus of the Parabelievable, and how anxious he is to get his hands of the "Space Thingie" (a name worthy of Jhonen Vasquez, incidently, and I can offer no higher praise than that), coincidently just one episode before Dash shows up? Conspiracy! Also the Loyal Order of Corn, the Harvest King festival, the speech about America's history of looking the other way, the speech about not liking newcomers, and the fact that he hangs around with Elvis? Either he's an alien, or he really is an "overbearing, money-grabbing Mayor" who has sold the town out for shiny alien gold.
And come on, he feeds people to a werewolf! Who hasn't wanted to do that occaisonally? |
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[Oct. 3rd, 2005|10:28 pm] |
There's a new guy at work called Giles. Seriously. At first I thought he was messing around, but no, that's actually his first name. There are no words to describe how awesome that is. We also have a guy whose last name is Lister, but he always uses Mark at work, so that's no fun. Alexis and I are now on a quest to collect the entire cast of Buffy, even if it means cheating and "accidently" writing Angel instead of Angela on a call log. Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of viable alternatives for Buffy, but we're optimists at heart, so we perservere. Besides, dumbass breeders these days will name their poor kids anything.
And speaking of dumbasses and breeders, I feel I may soon snap and kill Idiothairdresser. For those of you who aren't subjected to my rantings and ravings either IRL or over MSN, Idiothairdresser is someone I work with who, as the name suggests, is both an idiot and a hairdresser. She also has the shrill, nasal voice charateristic of the Fuckwit Townie, and delights in regaling the office with tales of her drunken Friday night exploits, complete with a full catalogue of how many drinks she had, which clubs she had them in and what the drinks were. Needless to say, my hate for her burns like the power of a thousand Fanelias. The list of her crimes is endless, but includes being a Fuckwit Townie, being a Loud Fuckwit Townie, being annoying, engaging in Petty Office Politics, pissing me off, saying "I just can't get into reading" approximately fifty thousand times a day, usually when someone else is attempting to study or read, having a stupid voice, getting on my nerves, being thick, saying "I'm booooored!" in a whiny "entertain me" tone, and spending her time blathering about her insignificant, worthless existance when we're incredibly busy and being screamed at by customers because she's not doing her fucking job. I can only hope one day the giant flab-goiter which her double-chin has long since mutated into succeeds in it's quest to suffocate her while she sleeps. Grow, little flab-goiter, grow! |
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[May. 25th, 2005|11:20 pm] |
*gigglesnort*
Watched the alternate cuts of Comes a Horseman and Revelation 6:8 with Alan and Jessica. And wackiness, as the saying goes, ensues...
[Flashback with Duncan and "Melvin" in Mexico/Wild West/some place with hats]
Duncan: Either way, Koren. On your feet or on your back.
Alan: Damn you, Duncan MacLeod. Kronos is not that kind of Immortal!
[Scene with Roman!Kronos and Roman!Methos and the WELL OF DOOM]
Jessica: Honestly, talk about your over-reaction. Doesn't anyone do the "we can still be friends" thing anymore?
Froodle: And here I thought Buffy and Angel had a monopoly on angsty, over-dramatic breakups. Although, in fairness, there is something about Kronos that screams "stalker ex".
Alan: Wouldn't that make them more Spike and Drusilla than Buffy and Angel, then?
Froodle: Or possibly Angel and Darla, but that's kind of mean to Kronos.
Jessica: Plus, I can see Kronos and Spike having similar styles, but not so much Kronos and Darla.
Alan: ...are you imagining Kronos dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl?
Jessica: ...little bit.
Froodle: I'm imagining Methos in one of Dru's floor-length slinky Goth dresses, holding a puppy called "Miss Sunshine".
Jessica: I think if Kronos was going to dress like a Buffy character, he'd be Faith. Or Vampire Willow.
Froodle: So... basically he'd be the same as he is now, only with bigger boobies?
Jessica: And better hair.
Kronos doing that little girl's voice was... disturbing on a level I never knew existed. Also, how retarded was that monk? "Oh hey, my boss-monk just told me there's a demon trapped in that well, and now it sounds like there's a child in there. I'd better go rescue it! It's not like demons are notorious decievers or anything!" Dumbass. And how come a weedy little monk can smash open that grating in like, two seconds, but Kronos has been down there thousands of years and never managed to escape? You fail at Well Escaping, Kronos.
Also, one line that should never, ever have been cut, because it proves beyond doubt that there is a God and he loves me: "I think you've gone soft, brother. You're not used to pain. Back then you would have jumped right up, asking for more."
In other news, saw the new Star Wars film today. ( Cut for spoilers, and also to spare those of you who can't bear to hear me rage against 'special needs' kids )
And finally, while the Phantom of the Opera is cool, he needs to take some lessons in dramatic entrances. Preferably from Angel, because that scene in Masquerade would have been vastly improved with a little door-smashery. |
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[May. 11th, 2005|11:22 pm] |
Today I fell off the Highlander bandwagon. Or got back on it. Whichever one means that you start doing something you thought you'd stopped doing.
Anyway...
I have to ask myself, why did Ahriman choose to appear as Kronos? I mean, Horton, sure; hell, I just have to hear that guy's voice and I get the urge to go out and do some stabbin'. And Richie, well, twisting the knife is what being evil is all about, isn't it?
But Kronos? As much as I hate to admit it, Duncan completely owned him. I mean, really, Ahriman will be all, "Rarr, I am Kronos!" and Duncan would be like, "Oh noes, not that guy whose ass I totally kicked and whose boyfriend I stole!" and Kronos would be like, "*sob* Too mean!"
Except probably not that last bit.
I guess there's the whole prior history thing, but come on. When Duncan first met him, Kronos was calling himself "Melvin". I don't care how many brutal murders he's committed, you just can't respect a man called Melvin. You'd think after thousands of years of unspeakable evil, Kronos would be able to come up with a cooler name than that, but no. "Melvin".
And even if Kronos was scary rather than just scarily hot, why Horseman!Kronos? Bearing in mind that Duncan has never seen Kronos in his Horseman incarnation, what exactly was the significance? Unless maybe Duncan has a secret phobia of 80's hairbands - and let's face it, what reasonable human being isn't slightly creeped out by 80's hairbands? - or Ahriman was trying to use the indescribable sexiness of Horseman!Kronos to distract him long enough to kick him in the nuts. Which would totally have worked on me, except for the part where I don't have nuts to kick.
And also, WTFWESLEYWHYAREYOUINHIGHLANDER?! And he made the Immortal who looked like a taller clone of Pippin sad, so extra hatred for him. God Wesley, you just ruin everything. What a dick. |
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[May. 4th, 2005|11:59 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | alan&jess, angel, buffy, david boreanaz, david wenham, ewan mcgregor, gerard butler, heath ledger, hugh jackman, johnny depp, joss whedon, moulin rouge, orlando bloom, phantom of the opera, poto, the dave, van helsing | ] |
I have come to the conclusion that Van Helsing, Moulin Rouge and Phantom of the Opera do not mix, for the following reasons:
- Gerard Butlers singing is only just tolerable as it is, without being compared to the greatness that is Ewan McGregor.
- Carlimir as a querulous transvestite is acceptable and for those of us who've seen the London Assignment, actually quite in-character, but Dracula as the Duke is all shades of wrong and leads to speculation about the effectiveness of Dracula singing "Like a Virgin" to Van Helsing versus, say, turning into a big fucking bat-monster. Personally, I found the singing way, way creepier, and I bet Van Helsing would have too.
- On a related note, "Big Fat Virgin King". Try explaining that one to your friends in the throes of a massive giggling fit.
- There's always someone who suggests Ewan McGregor should play Raoul, and that confuses me and makes me unsure whose side I should be on. This is unacceptable.
- Eventually this leads to debates about whether Erik, Van Helsing or Christian would win in a fight. This in turn leads to arguing about whether Gerard Butler, Hugh Jackman or Ewan McGregor would win in a fight. Ewan McGregor loses both times, and that makes me feel bad for him.
- Anna is even more annoying than usual when compared with Christine and Satine.
In other news, today Alan tried to convince me that my entire life was just a dream, like in that one episode of Buffy:
Froodle: Well for a start, if the whole world was just my dream, it certainly wouldn't include Fat!Xander, Andrew or Spike's Initiative clone. In fact, it would mostly involve naked David Boreanaz. [pauses] And Gerard Butler, he can be in there too.
Jessica: I don't see them working as a couple. I mean, David Boreanaz is pretty much already the American equivilent of Gerard Butler.
Froodle: I see what you mean. Too mmuch sitting around talking about socks and birds, not nearly enough sexin'.
Jessica: Now, Gerard Butler and Johnny Depp, I kind of see that...
Alan: But won't Orlando Bloom be jealous?
Froodle: I'd want to see it just for the catfight between Gerard Butler and Orlando Bloom. And for the hot man-on-man action, of course. But mostly because Orlando Bloom would get bitchslapped.
Jessica: And then Heath Ledger could comfort him.
Froodle: There is absolutely no downside to this plan. I think we should insist that Gerard Butler and Johnny Depp have sex right away.
Alan: Yeah, why don't you write to them and tell them that?
Froodle: Don't think I won't! |
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[Apr. 26th, 2005|11:23 am] |
Tch, Duncan is such a jackass. I can't believe he broke up with Methos over something as petty as a handful of massacres that happened over three thousand years ago! Stupid Duncan.
Maybe it's because I was spoilt by seeing Angelus at a tender age, but Dark Quickening!Duncan and Horseman!Methos do absolutely nothing for me. With Methos, I was busy laughing at his hair and his silly mask, and Dark Quickening!Duncan is just... boring. Seriously, I'm there watching him being all snarly and attitudinal, and I'm rolling my eyes and wondering if Methos will show up soon. Even during the part where he attacks Richie, it's like part of me was thinking "I know I should find this hot, but in fact I'm watching Thlayli play with his cardboard cheese and being much more entertained by that." Although I did like the scene where Duncan phones Sean Burns and he's talking in his Dark Quickening!Duncan voice, and Sean's like, "Hello?" and Adrian Paul's face kinda drops and he says "Sean?" in this tiny, hurt voice and I was like, "Oh noes, FIGHT TEH EBIL, DUNCAN!" But then it got boring again. |
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[Apr. 9th, 2005|12:43 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | angel, anthony stewart head, buffy, colin farrel, family von froodle, highlander, hunchback of notre dame, jason issacs, kingdom hospital, phantom of the opera, poto, quasimodo, stargate | ] |
Jason Isaacs, Anthony Stewart Head and that guy who played Daniel on Stargate SG-1 have all made appearances on Highlander, along with the guy who was Ray in Sister Sister (shut up, okay?) and the woman who was Lona Massingale in Kingdom Hospital. I have whiplash from so many double-takes.
Called Johnny today (mostly to gloat, I confess) and was amazed at some of the random things he remembers. Like Darius. I'd completely forgotten Darius, though according to Johnathan I cried when he died:
Froodle: Are you sure you're not thinking of the time Tessa died?
Johnny: One of them's a blonde French woman, the other's a Catholic German monk. I think I'd remember.
Froodle: Well I don't. Weird, huh? I'm just upset he didn't turn out to be the Darius of Guagamela fame.
Johnny: Are you kidding? If he had been, you would have spent all the time he was onscreen being like, "Nyah-nyah, Colin Farrell kicked your arse!"
Froodle: No I... okay, yeah I would.
Johnny: So who do you think would win, Duncan or Colin Farrell?
Froodle: Is Colin Farrell an Immortal?
Johnny: Yes.
Froodle: *thinks* No, I reckon Duncan would still win.
Johnny: Yeah. But what about Angel and Duncan?
Froodle: Why would they fight in the first place? They'd probably go off to have a quiet drink and angst about their lost loves and annoying sidekicks together. Angelus, on the other hand...
Johnny: That wouldn't even be a contest. Duncan would be all, "Holy ground! Safe!" and Angelus would be like, "Decapitation!"
Froodle: Hee! Oh, oh, do you remember that episode with the Immortal that lived under the Paris Opera House?
Johnny: What like, Highlander meets Phantom of the Opera? Now there's a mindboggling concept.
Froodle: Well, he was more Quasimodo than Erik. What with the shambling and the not being a crazed psychotic killer.
Johnny: I think I do - there was a whole thing with wildflowers and that black woman with crazy earrings?
Froodle: Aye, that's the one.
Johnny: Oooh, it's like the Hunchback of Notre Dame and the Phantom of the Opera had a baby. I wonder which of them got pregnant.
Froodle: ...could you not say that Ever again?
Johnny: Heehee!
Froodle: Urgh! Moving swiftly on, d'you reckon Duncan or Erik would win in a fight?
Johnny: Is he pregnant?
Froodle: AUGH SHUT UP WHY!
Johnny: Heeheehee! But, um, probably Erik, because he'd cheat and blow up the arena or something, and then cut off Duncan's head while he's still trying to find his missing arms.
Froodle: Yeah, Erik's a sneaky bastard.
Johnny: Plus, you know, he lost to Raoul in a fair fight, so clearly Duncan could kick his arse in a straight-up sword match.
Froodle: I bet he could beat Richie, though.
Johnny: Oh man, now I want to see Richie and Raoul duke it out.
Froodle: Battle of the shitty hair!
Johnny: Richie gets a five-point penalty for being ginger.
Froodle: Hahah, gutted!
Johnny: Okay, okay, final thing: Angelus vs Erik.
Froodle: Angelus. He's like, master of the psychological torment.
Johnny: Man, Erik just sucks all over the place today.
Froodle: Well, at least he beat Richie. And Angelus is impossible to beat unless you're Buffy.
Johnny: What if Erik dressed up as Buffy?
Froodle: Angelus has a nervous breakdown at the horror of it all, and Erik puts a stake through his heart while he's screaming and clawing at his own eyes.
Johnny: The wardrobe of Buffy is a powerful weapon.
Froodle: Deadly, in the wrong hands.
I love my crazy brother. |
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[Apr. 2nd, 2005|08:55 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | alan&jess, angel, buffy, colin farrel, colin firth, firefly, gerard butler, heath ledger, highlander, joss whedon, knights tale, robespierre is a dude, scarlet pimpernel, shooters, teen angel | ] |
*grumble*
My Highlander DVDs are still not here. Where are you, Highlander DVDs?! I need my Duncan fix. Also, I thoroughly plan on lending them to Alan, thus indirectly forcing Jessica to watch them and getting revenge for the time she made me watch an hour-long special of Emmerdale. As Robespierre would say, "Mwaha."
On the other hand, do have shiny Firefly and Shooters to edutain myself with in the meantime. Jess immediately zeroed in on Shooters:
Jessica: Isn't this that film with Gerry Butler in nothing but a towel?
Froodle: *shamefaced* Yes...
Jessica: You are so sad.
Froodle: ...wait a minute, how did You know about the towel? I never mentioned it to you.
Jessica: Err...
Froodle: *triumphant "A-ha!" pose of denouncementification* Ha! You've watched it too!
Jessica: It's your fault! You're a bad influence!
Froodle: Hey, I actually like British gangster films. That makes you waaaay more sad than me. Also you're totally cheating on Colin Firth.
Jessica: *snooty sniff* It was a moment of weakness. It means nothing!
Froodle: Colin Firth hates you now.
Jessica: Are you going to put it on or not?
Froodle: Ooh, I don't think I should encourage you to go down this slippery path.
Alan: Yeah, she might turn into you.
Froodle: Well, I never!
In the end we watched the first few episodes of Firefly instead. Reactions can be summerized thusly:
( Read more... ) |
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[Mar. 30th, 2005|01:53 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | angel, buffy, charioteer, colin farrel, firefly, get backers, joss whedon, mary renault, poor ickle lindsey, thlayli, wolf's rain | ] |
I'm never going on rabbit.org again. Last night, Anne-Marie and I were eating my (delicious) curry and discussing the amazingness of Colin Farrell when, halfway through a sentance I look over at Thlayli to find him lying on his side, motionless, and for a brief moment convince myself he's gone into stasis and is dying. I rush to his side, panic filling me like some off-colour joke involving ass-sex... and he wakes up, gives me the filthiest look in the history of human-rabbit interaction, and hops into his wooden lodge to continue dreaming his bunny dreams. This leads me to the conclusion that I would make a terrible mother. Not because I'm lazy, selfish, short-tempered and prone to unpredictable mood swings, although all of those are true. Not even because I hate children and think their proper role is the main course in a Sunday roast (mmm-mm, crispy). But because I would be one of those awful parents who talks about their goddamn cuntprize nonstop and thinks it has lukemia every time it sneezes.
In other news, Monday was a day of Strange Coincidences for Froodles. See, back when I was but a young Froodlet, fresh out of highschool and attending my Very First Anime Convention Ever, I met a yaoifiend by the name of Genevieve. Many years passed, I came to university and Southampton seemed an indecently long way to travel just to watch Card Captor Sakura subs. We lost touch.
Fastforward to modern-day. The Froodle sits in Borders, reading The Charioteer (excellent book, recommend to all Mary Renault fans and... pretty much everyone ever, actually) and waiting for a friend to show up. Said friend being something of an idiot, fails to realise the clocks have gone forward and shows up an hour late. We drink coffee, I mock him, he criticises Wolf's Rain, I use the phrase "Bondage Wolf" in public, the usual. Time marches on, and soon we go our seperate ways. I'm walking home, debating whether to grab a sandwich to eat later or simply order takeout, when I see a strangely familar figure coming towards me.
Yeah, it's Genevieve. Turns out her job relocated up here about a month ago. We went for coffee and then she cooked me dinner and we watched Get Backers and I designed a silly character on City of Heroes (she wouldn't let me call him Sneaky McGrue, though apparently Hooded Laser is acceptable). How weird and cool is that?
Now, I think I'm going to go and watch Firefly and try and figure out how Simon manages to be so adorable while at the same time being the lovechild of Lindsey and Early!Wesley. Initial suspicions point to his waistcoats emitting some kind of "ravish me please" vibe. To quote Kaylee, "You just wanna take a bite of him all over." |
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[Jul. 13th, 2004|05:12 pm] |
This was too good to keep to myself...
Messeurs Amy the wench, Izzy-chan and Miriglum present, for your amusement and pleasure:
The Angel vs vampire slayers handbags at dawn death-match
(although, technically, since vampires are *already* dead... )
It is important, though, we feel, to discuss a little why this game came about, and to apologise profusely for said incident of egotism and boredom. Chances are, you are a freind/stalkee of one of us three culprits. Thus you will know the pain of befreinding a fangirl. A deep and lingering pain. But, in any case, due to diverse circumstances (Amy living in America, thus having nobody sensible to talk to, Izzy losing her job, and Miriglum no longer being able to watch Angel), and a long, rambling conversation when we all should have been in bed (apart from Amy, and her ghey whore of a time zone) on Yahoo! messenger, the Angel-rific deathmatch has come into existance. Basic premise is, like our minds, both simple and disturbing - to prove our love of Angel, we pitch him agaist a series of other fictional charcters, and stand back to marvel at his God-like victory/anniliation. And since we have suffered, so must you - and anyone failing to make even a token effort will be sent to live in Canada/never spoken to again. So there. Simply read each deathmatch entry, taking into account the wonderous opinions of our good selves. Feel free to add comments to the strength/weakness and notes sections, then fill in the last section, drawing up an outline of the deathmatch and its conclusion. Remember, not all deathmatches have to be fought to the death. We have learned well from Angel's guidance, battling the green and icky-looking demons in the RING OF DEATH. Send back the email when you've filled in the deathmatches you can (although, like, don't feel you have to have *watched* a show to stick your oar in), and we fair three will contabulate all into an amusing Angel-rific whole. With pictures. ~nods~ And if we're still at this into the New Year, 'cause too many people decided to be lazy, and not reply, so be it. And there will be nagging. Oh, yes. So, without further ado (and hearing the merry jingling of Joss Whedon's crack lawyer brigade approaching ever-closer), enjoy the strangeness that is:
Slayers vs Angel
Slayer: Buffy
Occupation: Vampire Slayer, the. Strumpet.
Weapons: Vast supplies of wooden pointy things.
Strengths: Past experiance dealing with pesky vamps. Only has to set foot in LA to make Angel do his smacked-puppy-prominent-eyebrow face.
Weaknesses: Spectacular failure to do away with the loveable but blundering Spike indicates possible unlikelyhood of managing to defeat Angel. Only has to set foot in LA to be thrown into squished Woe!-Buffy-is-tormented-by-vampiric-ex face.
Notes: Well, none of us having ever really watched Buffy in a big way, Buffy's stats are mainly made up by us, and any resemblance to any actual vampire slayers, living or dead, is purely coincidental
Outcome:
Slayer: Vampire Hunter D
Occupation: Vampire/demon hunting in swishy cape. A man after Angel's own heart.
Weapons: None of us can actually remember. Possibly a very, very large sword.
Strengths: Cool hat. Can fall off almost anything and survive. 2dimensional, so can slide into small places to hide.
Weaknesses: Lack of Angel's chirpy side-kicks. Back-talking hand. Tendency to look like Lawrence Lwelynn-Bloody-Bowen in model-form
Notes: Human, with vampire blood - i.e. ridiculous vampire uber-stregthness, without all that pesky catching fire in daylight melarky
Outcome:
Slayer: Van Helsing
Occupation: Head fighting-wench of the vatican. Left hand of God.
Weapons: Deadly spinning-tops of doom
Strengths: Again, swishy coat/hat combo. Cute side-kick-a-mir Monk, complete with array of deadly anti-vampiric/explodey weapons.
Miriglum: Also, wasn't that Princess-type love interest a gypsy? [Ethnic slur, all people from eastern europe are gypsies] Possibly precipitive of an 'Angel boldly runs away' sort of situation.
Amy the wench: But he's not very *keen* of gypsies, is he? I mean, surely he'd be wanting revenge
Miriglum: Yes, but he's rather attached to that soul of his, isn't he? Like - entire point of series.
Weaknesses: Limited attention span causes poor brooding skills.
Notes: Can turn into a werewolf - potentially useless, unless Angel is as secretly as bloody-uselessy-vunerable to werewolves as Dracula.
Miriglum: Did I mention, Sam West should *totally* take part in this deathmatch? He has his own ship, *and* a, like, a shipful of angry Narnians. That *has* to come in handy.
Outcome:
Slayer: Bram Stoker's Ghey Leage of People Who Don't Like Dracula (BSGLOPWDLD)
Occupation: Being Victorian. Being Ghey. Being homo-erotic.
Weapons: 'Dr Van Hellsing's old-school patent vampire-slaying kit'.
Large hammer, 1
Wooden stakes (classic finish), several
Garlic, 6 of whatever the internationally agreed units of garlic measurement might happen to be
Crafty coffin-opening device, 1
Silver crusifix, 2
Handy lawyer, for rifling personal papers, gaining entrance to private property and lying to coroners about sudden deaths of 90% of secondary charecters.
Large guns, for dispatching pesky gypsies, 5
Strengths: Numbers significantly in their favour, even with Angel's full complement of minions.
Miriglum: But then, didn't Angel still not have a soul, back in the day? Plus, he had Darla (deadly killing hair) and Drusila (crazy weasel). Also, let's say Spike (pretty but useless) too, 'cause he's all shiny. In which case, they'd have all been like - bite, bite, bite - ugh, Dr Van Hellsing tastes funny - bite. Yum.
Amy the wench: No, I'm sure he was in his 'useless roaming Angel' stage.
Weaknesses: Largly too busy being Fraudian and worriting over their latent sexuality to put togeather much of deadly killing front.
Notes: Considering it took them an entire book to kill Dracula, who was, frankly, quite useless, can't see they have much chance agaist the super Angel.
Outcome:
Disclaimer: let it be recorded, we Amy the wench and Miriglum, had no part in the creation of the following deathmatch, knowing it to be wrong and disturbing, and the work of a twisted mind...
Slayer(s): Merry and Pippin
Occupation: Hobbit slayers of middle-earth.
Amy the wench: Yep. 'Cause they were just *over-run*, weren't they?!
Weapons: The One True Ring and/or the Horn of Gondor
Strengths: Small and cute. Experiance of questing. Some singing talent.
Weaknesses: Handy, snack-size vampire treats. Limited experiance slaying actual vampires. Would have to stand on each other's shoulders to stake Angel through heart.
Notes: Matching waistcoats may provide crucial assistance.
Outcome: |
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[Jul. 12th, 2004|11:47 pm] |
I'm back!
Urgh, twelve days without the internet. Twelve. Sodding. Days.
Have spent most of it lying on the sofa in my kick-ass new apartment, watching Buffy and Angel for hours on end. Such goodness.
Had a good cry over Giles and Buffy's breakdown at the end of 'Passions' (as well as a good laugh over Giles taking a flaming baseball bat to Angelus's head). Nearly choked to death laughing at Angelus's 'facial hair thoughout the ages' flashbacks in 'Amends', not to mention the drunken irishness that is Liam. Had forgotten what it felt like to actually care about most of the characters in anything but a strictly 'God, I hope you die' sense. Also am amazed at the cuteness of Xander and how incredibly boring Angel was. No wonder I used to think he was such a prick.
Quotable quotes include:
Xander: I'm still key guy, right? Good. Then Angel, in his non-key-guy capacity, can work with me.
Angel: What fun.
Xander: Key guy's still talking!
Xander: I gotta say, I'm with Deadboy on this one.
Angel: Could you not call me that?
Pretty much the entire scene with Angelus, Darla and the Master in 'Darla'.
Angel: Stop calling me pastries.
Faith: [wombles on to Wesley about Angel not being mean and nasty enough for her liking] What if I killed you? Do you think that would work, or would it just be really funny?
Also, David Boreanaz haas huge hands. I mean really huge. My brother has pretty big hands, but his are nowhere near as big as Angel's sexy sexy hands.
I miss his hands. And the blipverts. And mocking Lindsey.
And how attractive Angel is when he's just been horribly beaten up, like in 'The Ring'.
And how every now and then, David Boreanaz will impress me with something other than the fact that he's a very pretty chunk of manflesh. My heart broke for him in those last few minutes of 'Hero', when he was screaming Doyle's name.
On a lighter note, the fuzzy felt Moomin dvds arrived today. Huzzah! Didn't get a chance to watch them, as Alan and Jess came over, bringing with them an Angel duvet and pillow set, which is possibly the best housewarming present EVER. |
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[May. 30th, 2004|11:22 pm] |
First and foremost, April's Tape Vault has all 65 episodes of Big Wolf on Campus on VHS for sale. $10 per tape plus shipping, payment through Paypal. Prepare not to hear from me for a few days once season 1 gets here. Woo!
Secondly, is there anything more depressing than introducing someone to a fandom dear to your heart, only to have them completely miss a major point? Well, there probably is, but it makes me pretty damn resentful. Crowley being black with no hair, honestly. Some people should have their fucking eyes put out if they're that stupid. Especially if they're 'bisexual Wiccans', and I use sarcastic quotemarks.
Thirdly, old-school Angel rocks. So, so much. And in view of the outcome of season 5, 'To Shanshu in LA' is an absolute heartbreaker. Poor, pretty Angel. Also Wesley. He became so annoying during the whole Fred-Gunn-Wesley love triangle of boringness, I'd all but forgotten how much I liked him during the latter half of season one, and all of season two.
Highlights thus far include:
"Can you fly?" Quite possibly Angel's coolest moment ever.
"I don't see Angel in tights... okay, now I do, and it's disturbing."
"Maybe I'm a little attracted." And there was a disturbance in the Force, as if a million Fangirls squee'd out at once.
"The good fight, yeah?" Sniff. Doyle.
"Low rats." Ha!
"Is that it? Am I done?" Again, 'Sniff. Doyle.'
"I don't need advice from some middle-class white dude that's dead." This is extra-funny because, when Gunn says this, Angel makes this little sad face that just screams 'Aw, I wanted to be a homie'. Heh, homie!Angel.
"Epiphanied off." Another wonderous Gunnism.
Gunn throwing that vampire into the foyer of WRH, and his 'evil white folks do have a Mecca' rant.
"I've seen you in bed," delivered to both Cordy and Wes. Watch Cordy's knowing smile when Gunn says this to Wesley. Funny 'cause it's true.
Angelus making a brief appearence in 'Eternity'. I love you, Angelus!
"Evil Angel never would have worn those pants."
Lindsey running Angel over in the Pickup Truck of Love, Or At Least Unrequited Lust.
Lindsey's hand being cut off. Never. Stops. Being. Funny.
Steve, aka Lindsey's Evil Hand (blatently an excuse to grope Angel and blame it on some Wolfram and Hart-style spookiness - 'cause you know Angel would be gullible enough to believe it)
"These chains must be forced from some mystical metal."
"Really?"
"No, I was just trying to make myself feel better."
Wesley pretending to be Angel in the Virginia episode. "Oh no, not the sun! For I am a vampire, and... oh. Ah." Also, Angel's "Not a Eunuch!" bit.
Wesley and Cordy pretending to be Buffy and Angel:
"Kiss me!"
"Bite me!"
"Why don't you both bite me?"
The Dance of Joy.
"Kumshuk with a Groosalug."
The heartbreakiness of 'I Will Remember You'. Ohh, Angel.
And, of course, 'In The Dark'. That whole episode is great, from Spike's voice-over at the begining ("To the Angelmobile, away!") to Oz's "You're incredibly pale" at the end.
Five years of Angel. Seven years of Buffy. It's the end of an era. |
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