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"...I do not peddle flesh; I sell dreams..."
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[Aug. 11th, 2009|09:16 pm] |
Blargh! i have been off work the last two days with an ear infection and it is utterly horrible. Not being off work, obviously, although given the choice I would prefer to save my sick days for times I don't feel so awful, but the ear infection part of it. I get them a lot, so I pretty much know what to expect, but that doesn't make it less shitty.
So, I'm sat here trying to eat this bowl of cereal, because I'm starving but also kind of nauseous from the pain in my head, and I'm watching Power Rangers (because I've finished the third season of the Tribe and damn it, I'm ill, I deserve more Dwayne Cameron!) and you know, off your face with pain and exhaustion and sleeping pills that don't fucking work for moer than an hour at a time, it becomes strangely compelling. Dwayne Cameron will now be known as Pretty Soldier Sailor Bray for the rest of his days, due to his excessively sparkly transformation sequence. No kidding, it's approximately 98% more sparkly than any of the other Rangers. He even does the Sailor Mercury staff-twirly-around thing.
There was something else I came on here to say, but I can't remember what it was. Pretty Soldier Sailor Bray and Falcor should totally team up though. FALCOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Oh my God, I am so out of it. |
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[May. 11th, 2009|10:26 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | addams family, antonio banderas, brad pitt, christian slater, coraline, hairspray, halloween, hugh jackman, i am sick, i hate ben affleck, interview with a vampire, job of doom, nbx, neil gaiman, people make me sick, supernatural, the wire, tim burton, tom cruise, xmen | ] |
God, there are some right divs at the House of Gas. The fire alarm went off today and, I kid you not, our fire warden stood there in the middle of the corridor, blocking the way, bleating about whether or not we knew where the assembly point for our call centre was in the event of a fire. I was like, "Hmm, is it perchance outside of the burning building?" How do these people make it to adulthood? Fuckwad.
Anyway, some important points to note:
- The Wolverine movie is beautiful. It's a bit soap-opera-ish with the evil long lost brother thing and of course it has Gambit in (boo!) but really, this is about Hugh Jackman wearing leather and lots of hairspray, and a flimsy excuse for a plot strung together wuth awesomely choreographed fight scenes.
- Hairspray has a bit wrecked the earlier X-Men movies for me. Well, not X3, that one came pre-wrecked. But now I cannot look at Cyclops without seeing Corny Collins and wanting him to dance and sing and be massively inappropriate on a daytime kids TV show. And then I feel sad when it doesn't happen.
- If the Wolverine movie is beautiful, then Coraline is even more beautiful. I cannot describe the wonder. Go watch!
- I love the movie version of Interview with the Vampire. I sometimes forget how much I love it because I'm a bit shallow and there's nobody I really think is hot in there,* and also nowadays it's a bit tainted from the combined batshittery of Tom Cruise and Anne Rice, but I was watching it on Sunday and as soon as I heard those first few bars in the opening sequence, all my love for it came rushing back.
- The first half of the fourth season of Supernatural is semi-awesome. That's not the same as being full-on good, by the way. It's like, a bit good. There's a lifesized walking, talking, suicidal teddy bear (awesome), a stubbly angel who's a bit gay for Dean (awesome), an episode which is basically Supernatural does the Universal Studios Monster Mash (awesome to the power of a sideways eight thing) and BUNNY! Unfortunately, there's also creepy Padaleckisex, the stubbly angel isn't as stubbly or as overtly gay for Dean as I feel he could be, and Bunny is really mean. To like, everyone. Oh Bunny, how have we come to this? Also, there were these totally mean witches who tried to ruin Halloween for everyone. Boo, mean witches! You're lucky it was only Sam and Dean that showed up to punish you with guns. If Jack Skellington had been there, then you'd be sorry.
- I had better have pig flu! I feel like shit and the only thing keeping me from curling up and dying in misery is the thought that I am actively spreading a contagion that will wipe out billions of humans. If this turns out just to be a bad cold, I will be pissed.
- The Assassination of Jesse James is soooooooo booooring. Casey Affleck may be mildly less hideous than his sibling, but they are both gaping voids in the fabric of the universe, into which any semblence of talent or charisma is dragged, screaming, into the darkness, ne'er to return. Also, it is so badly directed, they have to have some random narrate what's going on in every scene.
Anyway, I think that's all the important life lessons I learnt this week - I trust you will all take them on board and be enriched by my wisdom. I'm going to watch the Wire and bemoan Bunny's fall from grace. Oh Bunny!
*Okay, it has Christian Slater, but he's in it for like ten minutes, and althoughg Antonio Banderas is normally hot, let's face it, white base and a Morticia Addams wig are not a good look for him. |
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[Nov. 27th, 2008|09:08 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, firefly, i am sick, job of doom, serenity, snithy, stargate, summer glau, the downey, x-files, zac efron blows goats | ] |
Whelp, I have food poisoning. At least, I hope it's food poisoning and not a stomach virus, because El Snithador is visiting this weekend and I feel Downeyfest will be somewhat lacking if I am lying on the sofa bemoaning my state of unwellness the whole time, and food poisoning usually passes in 48 hours whereas a stomach virus will kick my ass for much longer. Although at least if she does carry out her threat to subject me to the hideous evil that is Zac Efron, I'm already puking and wanting to die, so it will not hurt me as much as it would otherwise.
Anyway, I'm off work, I'm bored, I'm exhausted, I'm cranky and I'm in that place where you're starving but the texture of food in your mouth makes you want to start hurling again, ao to cheer myself up, I thought I would look at some pictures of Jordan and his beard of wonder. And then, because I am so generous of nature, I thought I should come on here and share them with you. And then I thought, "Why stop at Jordanbeard? This is the perfect opportunity to win people over to the cause of the 4400, and possibly trick them into writing porn for you as a get-well gift."
And so, without further ado, I present to you:
The 4400: A Brief Introduction
This is TOM BALDWIN. A long time ago he was a super-badass FBI dude. He was so badass that when his FBI boss took a job at NTAC, he insisted on bringing Tom with him. Then his son KYLE and his nephew SHAWN went to a beach to drink some BEERS. Shawn vanished, Kyle fell into a COMA and Tom took an extended leave of absense to try and solve the TERRIBLE TRAGEDY that had BEFALLEN HIS FAMILY. Tom is very EARNEST and BEAUTIFUL while being MANLY and FORCEFUL at the same time. We love Tom.
This is DIANA SKOURIS. She is TOM'S PARTNER AT NTAC. She likes SCIENCE. She's pretty COOL but she doesn't have a BEARD, so I won't talk about her much.
This is MARCO. He lives in the basement at NTAC. Nobody on the show seems to have a problem with this. He and two randoms that I can't be bothered to find the names of are Tom and Diana's version of the LONE GUNMEN. Marco is in love with DIANA. Unfortunately he looks like a thirteen year old emo kid, so Diana cannot be with him without feeling like a CHILD MOLESTER. That wouldn't bother me, but Diana is a lady of PRINCIPLE so unfortunately their LOVE is DOOMED at least until MARCO hits PUBERTY. Poor MARCO.
This is SHAWN. He is TOM's nephew and one of the 4400. He went missing THREE YEARS AGO and suddenly reappears in a GIANT BALL OF LIGHT. He can HEAL THINGS WITH HIS HANDS. He can also KILL YOUR BITCHASS DEAD if he wants, but he hardly ever does. In the second season, he becomes Jordan's NUMBER ONE BOY WENCH, but after Jordan DUMPS HIM FOR KYLE he becomes very BITTER and ANGRY.
I cannot blame him, as Kyle is FUCKING UGLY and Shawn is BEAUTIFUL.
This is JORDAN. He is BEAUTIFUL BEYOND WORDS. He has a MAGNIFICENT BEARD and may or may not be JEBUS CHRIST. When he is not SAVING MANKIND, he enjoys BREAKING UP MARRIAGES, SEDUCING UNDERAGE BOYS, conquering SEATTLE and BANGING SKANKY ACTRESS HOS. At the end of the series, TOM tries to encourage him to get back together with SHAWN. I thought that was sweet, until I realised he's probably just trying to get Jordan away from KYLE.
This is ISABELLE. She is FUCKING CRAZY and the HARBINGER of the APOCALYPSE. She was engaged to SHAWN, but he broke it off when JORDAN came BACK FROM THE DEAD. She was VERY CROSS and put him in a COMA. Then she took up with KYLE. That was pretty trashy on BOTH THEIR PARTS, I feel.
This is KYLE. He is FUCKING UGLY. Nobody cares about him.
This is TESS. She is MADE FROM CRAZY. Also she can KILL YOU WITH HER BRAIN. It's nice to see Summer Glau apply herself to such a wide and stretching variety of roles.
This is KEVIN. He is WONDERFUL. He is a CRANKY SCIENTIST. He likes SUNFLOWER SEEDS and DOING ILL-ADVISED EXPERIMENTS on himself and others. He is also the only one who really sees how full of crap JORDAN is. JORDAN gets very cross about this, but he can't do anything because Kevin has SUPER HEALING POWERS. Also he is FAR TOO AWESOME AT SCIENCE to be easily replaced.
This is MAJOR LORNE. For some reason he calls himself JED GARRITY in this show, but that is probably because he is a SPY or SOMETHING ELSE COOL. He doesn't really serve any purpose on this list, I just added him because I thought this picture was PRETTY.
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[Jul. 20th, 2008|12:16 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | 28 weeks later, angel, dahmer, i am sick, jeremy renner, job of doom, kathy najimy, liam neeson, liam neeson is god, lou diamond phillips, numb3rs, swat | ] |
So apparently I have laryngitis. I would like to say YES OH MY GOD THANK YOU LIAMNEESON! but I have completely lost my voice, so I can't say anything at all. And in case you're wondering why I should be so joyful about contracting a voice-stealing viral infection, it's because I am now doctor-ordered to stay off the 'phones and away from fuckwit customers. So in your FACE, House of Gas, if you'd let me off when I first told you my voice was going and my throat hurt, it probably wouldn't have gotten to this stage, but now? Now you can suck my DICK for the next few weeks. That'll teach you to treat your employees like shit and assume you know the rhythms of my body better than I do.
On an entirely different note, is there some kind of secret rule that Jeremy Renner doesn't get to live to the end of any movie ever? Even when you really think that this time will be the time he makes it, he always ends up getting stabbed or run over by a train or set on fire by the stupid US Army. Also, it's very confusing when people keep calling him Doyle. I don't think that should be allowed.
In other news, I have been re-watching the earlier seasons of Numb3rs, you know, back when Don supplied the required amounts of suspect-beating and manly violence, and seriously, it is so awesome. I love that bit where Megan and Charlie are having a conversation about some evil professor dude having a poker tell, and Megan's all, *gives psychological advice* and then Charlie asks to borrow some FBI survelliance equiptment to spy on the evil dude and Megan's like, "Uhh... no." And Charlie looks really put out, like it was a totally reasonable request and Megan's just being awkward about it. Also, the whole Thing with Megan and Larry is so cute and filled with convoluted cosmic metaphor and general coolity. Like when they're having a conversation about bathtubs and Megan's all, trying to insinuate Adult Things and Larry keeps going on and on about Archimedes and other Larry-like stuff and it's just great and adorkable.
Also, the whole Colby/Charlie thing has totally grown on me - like in the treasure-huntin' episode when Liz is all new and Charlie is jibbing about some... I think it was a towboat or something, I don't know... and Liz is being all skeptical about the POWERS OF MATHS and she's like, "Tch, silliness!" and Colby's all, "No really, he's fun to watch" and Liz gives him this look like, "Yeah, maybe for you, I prefer my Eppes with more MANLY VIOLENCE, thank you very much." And when Kathy Najimy keeps trying to manipulate Charlie into doing stuff by comparing him to James Bond, and he shows up at a crime scene in a tux and he's all, IMMA LIKE JAMES BOND WITH MATHS! and Colby is like, "no" and Charlie is like, *sadface* and OMG you guys it is so cute, go and watch Numb3rs!
Argh... you know when you want fic, but you're too lazy to go look for it yourself? That's what I'm like at the moment. Somebody go find me some Colby/Charlie fic that is awesome and contains no sadness or angst or anything bad. Oh, and especially nothing where the characters waste pages and pages whining about how Don/David/Alan/Larry/Megan will react. They will be awesome, just like they always are. Lou Diamond Phillips will probably be disapproving, but he and Don will glare at each other through their alpha-male sunglasses until they feel the issue is resolved. Then everyone will drink coffee. It's just like a real episode, but with mankissing! I should totally write for TV. |
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[Jun. 20th, 2006|10:20 pm] |
So, the Tribe. Ultimate guilty fandom pleasure? Compelling mix of fantastic outfits and terrible actors? Watched just because I have the horn for Jack Lex, definately Lex and Jack? All of the above?
BTW, Snithy, because of your selfishness in choosing to pass your exams rather than edutain me, I had to eat your share of icecream as well as mine, and now I feel sick. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY! |
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[Jun. 4th, 2006|10:24 pm] |
Ow. My. Fucking. Ear. I don't know what the fuck is going on with this, but it's pissing me off; I've been fine all day, then around six o'clock it starts to hurt a little and now? I'm in fucking agony. Again! And I can't take any more time off work and I have too much stuff to do, with the moving and the finding of a house to move into and blah-blah-blah, and goddamnit Ear Thing will you just fuck off because I don't have time to deal with you right now.
On a lighter note, I know I've said this before but man, Don Johnson has some girly-looking legs. Seriously, that scene in the second season premier when he wakes up in that crazy woman's bed and the camera pans up from his feet all the way to his thighs? I thought they were hers! His calves are way too shapely, it's just not right. And also, aww - AWWWWW! - for that scene with him and Rico at the airport near the end. Awww! |
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[May. 24th, 2006|09:52 pm] |
I always feel really uncomfortable whenever I see William Russ playing a bad guy, because to me he's always Corey's harrassed but loving dad on Boy Meets World and I can't reconcile him with being Alma's asshole father on Deadwood (possibly the only time I have actually cheered Bullock on was when he beat the shit out of ol' Otis) or a self-destructive ATF agent with a ten-year boner for Sonny on Miami Vice. (I'm not making this up, I swear; even if there wasn't the whole repressed-homophobic-self-loathing thing going on, that whole "Make me happy, Sonny! Make me happy!" scene totally speaks for itself)
Of course, I feel pretty uncomfortable right now anyway as Earthing has returned with a vengence, meaning I get to sit at home vomiting and losing money I can ill-afford to be without. Suffice to say, I am not best pleased.
Now, I'm off to find Sephiroth/Cloud mastubacest, and if anyone interupts me I'm going to shove a wire coathanger down their ear so they can really feel my pain. |
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[Feb. 25th, 2006|11:56 pm] |
Vague attempt to do something other than sleep and cough sadly on my day off ended in ignomious defeat today after I dozed through three consecutive episodes of the A Team, waking up to various scenes that made even less sense than usual, including Face getting married to a nun, Amy putting explosives on hubcaps and Murdock being a horse rustler. Normally that stuff wouldn't phase me, but the fact that I slept through any explainations, however flimsy, made everything far too confusing for my cold-fuddled brain.
On plus side, I now feel quite a lot better, and am well enough once again to bitch and moan about Face's stupid ironed jeans and pastel sweaters. Pastels are the work of the Devil. |
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[Feb. 11th, 2006|10:15 pm] |
Well, the bruise seems to be fading and none of my toes have dropped off, so it looks like I don't have leprosy after all. Which is nice.
In other news, glitter is an absolute bastard and should be banned. I used some a few days ago and thus far it has shown up in my hair, in my underwear drawer, on my bedsheets and sofa, all over my bathroom and in Thalyli's fur. It boggles the mind. |
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[Feb. 9th, 2006|09:42 pm] |
Somehow, I have managed to aquire an absolutely gargantuan bruise on my foot. Seriously, it goes from the base of my toes right 'round to the sole of my foot and halfway up the arc, and it hurts like a bitch. I have no idea how I did it, and I'm slightly worried that I might have contracted leprosy.
Spent a most enjoyable day off sitting at home watching Highlander and killing myself laughing at Amanda's wacky antics. "Money No Object" and "Double Eagle" are totally in my top five episodes now (and yes, "Comes a Horseman" and "Reveltions 6-8" are totally on that list, because I whore for Kronos); I love that scene in Double Eagle where she tells Kitt she threw away his lucky coin, and Kitt's all aghast and she's like, "Yeah, I threw it in the sewer. Some rat's got it and he's probably winning!" and Richie's like, "heh" and then the other three all give him glares of death and he has to go stand in the corner? Hi-larious. And also the whole "I'm not French!" thing. You go, Amanda. Don't take that kind of slander from anyone.
I realise that thinking this makes me some kind of sociopath, but am I the only one who keeps expecting Ickle Immortal Kenneth to die repeatedly in a variety of amusing ways every time he shows up? Like when he goes to get Amanda flowers and he's crossing the street but walking backwards while he talks to her, all I could think was "Man, it would be so hilarious if he got hit by a truck right now."
Uh, also... did nobody tell Richie that Charlie De Salvo died? I swear, Duncan is the worst psuedo-father-figure in the universe. |
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[Nov. 20th, 2005|11:13 pm] |
Having chosen to combating my current state of ickiness with a delicious stirfry laden with ginger and garlic, a hot bath with olbus oil, a mug of hot chocolate with chili and Stargate, everything was going well until Sam started ranting about "Signs" and the whole thing about superadvanced aliens who are allergic to water not realising that the Earth's surface is more than two-thirds water, and Daniel just makes this face and I laugh so hard my drink comes out of my nose.
Chili powder + nostrils? Not a good combination.
In other news, God bless fic_on_demand, the Holy Grail for smaller fandoms. It's not slash, but it is Eerie, Indiana. Am also highly amused that Jason Marsden was the voice for Binx in Hocus Pocus, but didn't actually play him in human form. I would have loved to see that play out in EI:
Marshall: I remember you... didn;t you used to be a cat?
Dash: What? No! *worried expression* Did I?
Marshall: Yeah, you had this whole thing about virgins and candles...
Dash: *shifty eyes*
I think, all things considered, things could have been a lot worse. I mean, imagine if Dash had wound up in the Stargate: Atlantis-verse; let Pointy get hold of him and the poor kid would be saddled with a name like Joe or Fred or Benji.
Not that Binx is much better, mind you. |
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[Nov. 19th, 2005|11:07 pm] |
It's ironic that I can withstand the Arctic conditions in my bathroom, but the heating system at work has gifted me with a blocked nose, sore throat and stuffy head in the space of one eight hour shift. Also, someobody please explain to me why I agreed to work 13 hours tomorrow. I am the King of Stupid. |
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[Oct. 10th, 2005|09:09 pm] |
Blergh.
So yesterday the cold that had been looming on the horizon of Froodle Island finally struck in a whirlwind of snot, watery eyes and dry, hacking cough. I had four different people at work ask if I was alright, since I appeared to be hunched over my desk, crying silently onto my keyboard. Fun. So I'm lying in bed feeling sorry for myself, listening to Art Garfunkel and cursing just about everyone in the whole world ever, but mostly Hannah, because this is all her fault and I hope she gets rabies.
And watching Nip/Tuck, of course. Because hating people is fine when you're healthy, but it's difficult to maintain a true Sithly level of rage when you're sneezing and reaching for the tissues every five minutes.
Did I miss something, or did Grace completely vanish after season 1? I don't remember her getting fired. Maybe Christian snapped and killed and ate her. That would be cool.
It's not often that I miss having a TV, but it does kind of annoy me that I won't see the third season until it comes out on DVD. Which means I won't know who the Carver is for like, a year or more. Like everyone, though, I have a theory... ( Cut for bunnies... I mean spoilers... ) |
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[Mar. 23rd, 2005|07:09 am] |
*coughs, then falls over dead*
Urgh, I have been up all night finishing my dissertation, and now I'm in that weird place that's past the point of exhaustion and everything seems to glow. I think this calls for Paul McGann and hot chocolate with little sprinkles. Or sleep. Yes. Sleep is good.
......
Actually, I kinda want a lamb and mint pasty. Fucking dissertation. Perhaps I'll have a nap, go into town and buy one. And check if the Erikpig is still there. |
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[Mar. 19th, 2005|06:37 pm] |
Bleugh. Man, I feel like crap today. My throat hurts and I think I'm starting with a cold. On the first day of the Easter holidays, with three days to go until the deadline for handing in the first draft of my dissertation. So. Irritated. I need smut and chocolate. In fact, I'm going to make myself one of Johnny's chocolate milkshakes and watch a film about Colin Farrell blowing things up, which isn't really smut, but has roughly the same effects. |
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[Jan. 2nd, 2005|04:06 pm] |
You know, I really did have something witty to say here, but I am afflicted with Lady Sniffles D'Winter and I feel like crap. Think I shall go to bed, watch Sharpe and make fun of Sean Bean. Yes. A productive day for all. |
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[Oct. 14th, 2004|05:11 pm] |
This just in:
If you have a cold, please, stay inside. If we had plans, cancel them. Sure, I'll be disappointed, but I won't hold being sick against you.
What I will hold against you is you coming out anyway and passing your cold on to me. In fact, I can honestly say that I will be annoyed with you from the first sign of a sore throat right up until the last of the symptoms are gone. That's a whole week of having me pissed at you.
In fact, I might try to reinfect you out of spite. |
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[Oct. 6th, 2004|05:30 pm] |
My throat hurts. I think I'm starting with a cold. This displeases me.
Went to see Layer Cake with Anne-Marie yesterday; not as funny as the Guy Richie films by which it was clearly inspired (and had almost the exact same cast, too, except for Jason Statham, who Jonathan informs me is now "a proper actor who gets to be in actual American films") and while the level of violence is about the same, it's much more serious than the shoot-outs and boxing matches of the Lock, Stock universe. Couldn't help wincing during the scene with the teapot in the cafe.
Anyway, it was very good and has an amusing ending that I completely didn't see coming. Not sure that I'd actually buy it on DVD, but a fine way to pass the time.
Had a two-hour dissertation lecture today - the girl sitting next to me had RANCIDLY bad breath. Brush your teeth, damnit!
Still watching Kenshin: Poor Katsu. Felt so sorry for him during that scene where he's all, "I'll tend your wounds, Sanosuke!" and Sano starts muttering Kenshin's name, and Katsu's like, *heartbreak face*. Of course, I'm biased, since I'm a sucker for Captain Sagara, and I always get weepy over the Sekihoutai storylines.
Am forced to conceed that yes, the guy that does the voice for Chou the Swordhunter is indeed the same guy who voiced the Digimon Emperor. Actually he pops up quite a lot in Kenshin, as Sano's friend with the floopy fringe and smily eyes as well as various minor characters.
What exactly is the point of Iwambo? He's just a big fat stupid pink guy. Why is he one of the Juppongatana? Is Shishio on some kind of political correctness kick where he has to have a representative of big fat stupid pink guys? This annoys me.
On a more positive note: Sejiro Hiko! Squee! Excuse me while I fangirl shamelessly. I love his scenes with Kenshin; the abortive hug scene, the handing on of the white cape, the reminiscing about Kenshin wetting the bed, the scenes where he's all superdeformed and floating on a little cloud while Kenshin sulks in the background, and the scene where Kenshin goes on about there being something wrong with his master's personality.
And of course: "To live without any of those annoying social obligations, the life of an artist is ideal. And a true genius like me can accomplish anything he sets his mind to."
Siiiigh... they just don't come any cooler than him. |
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