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"...I do not peddle flesh; I sell dreams..."
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[May. 29th, 2009|01:28 am] |
Dudes, why isn't there a sequel to Heathers? WHY?! At least with other fandoms where there isn't enough canon to go around (Once Upon a Time in Mexico, for example, or the History Boys, or even to a lesser extent SWAT) I can console myself with massive amounts of porn err... well thought-out additions to the universe originally laid out in the movies. But with Heathers, there's nobody carrying on the torch - JD explodes, Veronica smokes, Martha Dumptruck does donuts with her scooter thing, and that's the lot.
Man, somebody write me a sequel to Heathers. JD should be like this mean hallucination and trying to get Veronica to kill some dudes, and you'd never be sure if she's just seeing him because she's nuts or because he is a spooky ghost of evil! And then at the end, Betty Finn would be the baddie! It would rock.
More JD. More Agent Sands. More Gamble/Street porn. That's pretty much this post in ten words or less.
Somebody help me decide what to watch now. I am sad because nothing I own is Heathers 2: the Stabbening. Suggest things! |
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[May. 22nd, 2009|01:18 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | bones, james purefoy, jeremy renner, job of doom, moonlight, nip/tuck, people make me sick, rome, supernatural, torchwood, true blood | ] |
Do you think that if I could get a doctor to certify me as being wanktard-intolerent, I could go on permanent medical leave and never work again? Because pretty much all jobs are going to involve some level of wanktardery, and if it was possible I might die from it, they'd pretty much have to pay me incapacity benefit or something, right? That would be awesome.
What is decidedly not awesome is when some numbnuts decides to pull me away from my massive workload in order to "talk to you all about NPS." Dick, I know what NPS is. I am part of the motherfucking trial. I am at my desk every day calling these jizzstain customers back and recording their moronic comments verbatim. I do not need a fucking presentation on your lameass board with it's lameass charts. I MADE THE FUCKING CHARTS! I KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN, DILHOLE! And it especially pisses me off when I am subjected to their idiotic attempt at a peptalk. I do not respond well to peptalks. I don't respond well to pep. In particular, I do not respond well to peptalks about how a certain thing is working fabulously when I know that is not the case because, and pay attention here, I AM PART OF THE GODDAMN TRIAL TEAM! Do not fucking lie to me, I am by nature both smart and cynical, and when someone shines shit and tries to call it gold it makes me very fucking cranky indeed!
Urgh!
In other news, I think there should be a show that is made up of characters who are either too good for their original show or who wound up being screwed over on it. Lafayette from True Blood and T-Bear from Supernatural would be the stars and they would fight crime, in between T-Bear's bouts of crying and attempting to kill himself and Lafayette's secondary but much for lucrative career as a go-go dancer. Josef from Moonlight would be the local crime kingpin - he'd sort of be their stated enemy, but really it would be one of those relationships where they have a grudging kind of respect for each other and sometimes Josepf would help them out dealing with other, baddier baddies. The main baddie would be the Carver from Nip/Tuck, only back when the Carver was still really fucking terrifying, before we found out it was just dumb old Quentin behind the mask. Zack Addy would be the adorkable gender-ambiguous lab assistant nature always intended him to be, and everyone would keep a stern eye on him to make sure it stayed that way. Mark Anthony would pop up every now and then as a time-travelling manwhore/adventurer - a bit like Jack Harkness only not rubbish or in Wales. Also, Jeremy Renner would get to be in it all the time and not die. |
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[Jul. 20th, 2008|12:16 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | 28 weeks later, angel, dahmer, i am sick, jeremy renner, job of doom, kathy najimy, liam neeson, liam neeson is god, lou diamond phillips, numb3rs, swat | ] |
So apparently I have laryngitis. I would like to say YES OH MY GOD THANK YOU LIAMNEESON! but I have completely lost my voice, so I can't say anything at all. And in case you're wondering why I should be so joyful about contracting a voice-stealing viral infection, it's because I am now doctor-ordered to stay off the 'phones and away from fuckwit customers. So in your FACE, House of Gas, if you'd let me off when I first told you my voice was going and my throat hurt, it probably wouldn't have gotten to this stage, but now? Now you can suck my DICK for the next few weeks. That'll teach you to treat your employees like shit and assume you know the rhythms of my body better than I do.
On an entirely different note, is there some kind of secret rule that Jeremy Renner doesn't get to live to the end of any movie ever? Even when you really think that this time will be the time he makes it, he always ends up getting stabbed or run over by a train or set on fire by the stupid US Army. Also, it's very confusing when people keep calling him Doyle. I don't think that should be allowed.
In other news, I have been re-watching the earlier seasons of Numb3rs, you know, back when Don supplied the required amounts of suspect-beating and manly violence, and seriously, it is so awesome. I love that bit where Megan and Charlie are having a conversation about some evil professor dude having a poker tell, and Megan's all, *gives psychological advice* and then Charlie asks to borrow some FBI survelliance equiptment to spy on the evil dude and Megan's like, "Uhh... no." And Charlie looks really put out, like it was a totally reasonable request and Megan's just being awkward about it. Also, the whole Thing with Megan and Larry is so cute and filled with convoluted cosmic metaphor and general coolity. Like when they're having a conversation about bathtubs and Megan's all, trying to insinuate Adult Things and Larry keeps going on and on about Archimedes and other Larry-like stuff and it's just great and adorkable.
Also, the whole Colby/Charlie thing has totally grown on me - like in the treasure-huntin' episode when Liz is all new and Charlie is jibbing about some... I think it was a towboat or something, I don't know... and Liz is being all skeptical about the POWERS OF MATHS and she's like, "Tch, silliness!" and Colby's all, "No really, he's fun to watch" and Liz gives him this look like, "Yeah, maybe for you, I prefer my Eppes with more MANLY VIOLENCE, thank you very much." And when Kathy Najimy keeps trying to manipulate Charlie into doing stuff by comparing him to James Bond, and he shows up at a crime scene in a tux and he's all, IMMA LIKE JAMES BOND WITH MATHS! and Colby is like, "no" and Charlie is like, *sadface* and OMG you guys it is so cute, go and watch Numb3rs!
Argh... you know when you want fic, but you're too lazy to go look for it yourself? That's what I'm like at the moment. Somebody go find me some Colby/Charlie fic that is awesome and contains no sadness or angst or anything bad. Oh, and especially nothing where the characters waste pages and pages whining about how Don/David/Alan/Larry/Megan will react. They will be awesome, just like they always are. Lou Diamond Phillips will probably be disapproving, but he and Don will glare at each other through their alpha-male sunglasses until they feel the issue is resolved. Then everyone will drink coffee. It's just like a real episode, but with mankissing! I should totally write for TV. |
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[Mar. 6th, 2006|11:51 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | a home at the end of the world, alexander, buffy, cillian murphy, colin farrel, dallas roberts, french people suck, jeremy renner, johnny cash, ll cool j, reeses peanut butter cups, samuel l jackson kicks your ass, tigerland, walk the line | ] |
SWAT is the cinematographic equivilent of the Reeses Peanut Butter Cup; sure, if that was all you ate, you'd eventually die of malnutrition, but damn if it isn;t just about the yummiest thing on the face of the earth. Colin Farrell being hot, kicking ass and having his trademark pointy hair, with side orders of Jeremy Renner and LL Cool J, topped off with Samuel L Jackson being awesome and French people being beaten up - it's pretty much the ultimate snack food... I mean movie.
Dissapointed with Intermission, though; I mean, Cillian Murphy and Colin Farrell in the same film should be a recipe for sexy Irish goodness, but the entire movie left me feeling kind of "meh". I suspect Colin's lack of hair contributed considerably to my low opinion.
Tigerland and Alexander are still awesome, and of course, A Home at the End of the World remains one of the most beautiful, moving, and altogether excellent films I have ever seen. Dallas Roberts is awesome, and should totally do more stuff; I was so excited when I saw him in the trailer for Walk the Line, and so gutted that he didn't have a bigger part. But then, I was busy being traumatised by Larry from Buffy playing Marshall Grant, so maybe I wouldn't have noticed. |
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