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"...I do not peddle flesh; I sell dreams..."
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[Nov. 10th, 2008|12:11 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, bonfire night, bsg, firefly, halloween, liam neeson is god, my birthday, serenity, stargate, stephen moyer, true blood, ultraviolet, vampires yay, wtf | ] |
Urgh. I had this whole post planned about how great True Blood is and about how Liamneeson has finally answered my prayers for a series about redneck vampires who don't fight crime or really do anything, but then I came on here and the sheer fugliness of the new profile page caused poison to drip from my eyes and now they burn with agony and I don't feel like it anymore.
ANYWAY! I hope everyone had lots of fun celebrating the holy trifecta of awesomeness that is Halloween-Bonfire Night-Froodle Day - I have been watching Battlestar Galactica and coming to the conclusion that every show should have one snarky scientist character, because Gaius makes everything so much better through his presence. I may even love him more than Rodney and Kevin, and that is very impressive because I love Rodney and Kevin so much and also neither of them ever accidently destroyed the human race, unlike Baltar. That scene where Gaeta is being a big gay liar and wrecking Badger's stragety of stragetic awesome and Gaius kicks off at him and he's like, "The whole fleet knows this man tried to stab me through the neck. And you missed! Butterfingers!" Favourite line of any episode of BSG, ever. And BSG is hardly short of brilliant lines. I'm not saying I want to get stabbed just so I have the opportunity to use it, but still. |
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[Sep. 29th, 2008|02:56 pm] |
So I'm off work today, and I'm wandering around town checking out which stores have their Halloween goodies in yet (answer: not enough of them) and I see that Woolworths is having a sale on Power Rangers DVDs. Clearly, this is a sign from Liamneeson that I must partake of Bray-in-Spandex-related glee, and as I always obey Liamneeson in all things, I bring you:
( Ghost Cupcakes )
( The Game )
( Ghost Zoot is in your house... )
( ...banging your dead girlfriend! ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 13th, 2008|11:37 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, adam baldwin, american werewolf in paris, blood and chocolate, brendan fraser, christian bale, colin farrel, corey feldman, cursed, daddy winchester, dawsons freak, dead man on campus, deadwood, denzel washington, edward james olmos, edward norton, gabriel byrne, gerard butler, heroes, history boys, hugh jackman, ian mcshane, idina menzel, idris elba, jack nicholson, james remar bitches, james spader, keiffer sutherland, liam neeson, liam neeson is god, rome, russel crowe, stargate, supernatural, swat, the coreys, the downey, the lost boys, the lost boys 2, the wire, todd for prime minister, van helsing, weekenders, werewolves yay, wizard of oz, wolf, zodiac | ] |
Oh God, you guys! I was going to write a post here about how we should all vote for Todd as our next Prime Minister, and then maybe let him eat our old government once he wins (landslide victory, running on a "wearing black leather and eating people" platform) but I just watched Lost Boys 2: the Tribe, and oh, it was beautiful beyond words! I mean, okay, I got a bit annoyed with the gratuitous titty shots, but all of those people died, so that's okay. Andandand Corey Feldman! And make sure you watch the credits and the alternate scenes and just generally revel in how completely unexpectedly WONDERFUL it is.
Don't watch the music videos, though. They are lame.
Also, if anyone wants to earn my undying love, they will write Lost Boys 2 porn. Any pairing, I don't even care, I love them all so much.
In news that involves neither vampires nor imaginary life-sucking aliens running for office, I am very displeased with the non-studliness of the actors being cast to play werewolves over the last two decades. I mean, Jack Nicholson and Hugh Jackman, I can totally understand, but James Spader? The French guy from SWAT? Josh from Dead Man on Campus? Fucking Pacey?!* Also, how is Jack Nicholson versus James Spader in any way a contest? I could kick the shit out of James Spader. Scooter the Happy Pony could kick the shit out of James Spader. So could a small bundle of twigs and your daddy. Working seperately. For the edification of future film-makers, I have compiled a list of actors who have a level of studliness adequate for playing a werewolf**. Read it, learn it, live it.
Colin Farrel
Daddy Winchester
Ian McShane
Adam Baldwin
Edward James Olmos
James Remarr
Edward Norton
Keifer Sutherland
Idina Menzel (yes, just as it is possible for a man to be man-pretty, it is possible for a woman to be girl-studly)
Liam Neeson
Colin Farrel (so studly, he gets listed twice)
Idris Elba
Omar
Russel Crowe
Seth Bullock
Joe Flanigan
Christian Bale
Jordan Collier (Shawn can be his little werewolf bitch in this case)
Mark Anthony
Nathan Petrelli
Robert Downey Jnr (Jake Gyllenhaal can be his little werewolf bitch)
Denzel Washington
Gabriel Byrne
Ryan O'Reilly
Gerard Butler
Brendan Fraser
Scripps
As you can see, there are plenty of studly actors to choose from when making your werewolf movie. So please stop casting little wussy he-bitches unless they're Shawn from the 4400 or Robert Greysmith from Zodiac. Actually, if anyone wants to do a werewolf sequel to Zodiac, replete with Paul/Robert sexin', I will sell you my first-born child.
*Uh, those last two are seperate issues, I didn't mean it as "Josh from Dead Man on Campus fucking Pacey". Cooper would cut Pacey like the little bitch that he is, were that the case.
**Where I didn't know, or just couldn't be bothered to look up, an actors name, I just listed him under a character name. |
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[Sep. 12th, 2008|08:58 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | american gothic, angel, black sheep, college of knowledge, dancing is for retards, dark knight, family von froodle, gary cole, halloween, heath ledger, highlander, liam neeson is god, lucas buck, nurse!joker, paintshop silliness, roar, stargate, the tribe, zombies | ] |
Wow, I suck at updating. In my defence though, I have been extremely distracted by a combination of Roar and Stargate Atlantis - in the episode I'm watching right now, Ronan has just invented a game where the sole purpose is to give him an excuse for grabbing Johns ass. And Sheppards just like, okay, that's a totally believable game, I'll go along with it. I mean, really. When I was in college, we did this whole bit on consent obtained by deception, and there was one case about a music teacher who touched up (euphamism for something much worse I don't want to go into this early in the morning) his students under the pretence that it would improve their singing. I always used to wonder how anyone could be that naive, and now I know - they were all related to John Sheppard.
Anyway, leaving aside random military dudes who don't even know when they're being molested, Roar is so... okay, it's like what would happen if Highlander and the Tribe had a baby - it's so poor, but at the same time, it has so much leather-clad Heath, and therefore it's really hard for me to form a definate opinion. And then there are a couple of really great episodes, not to mention a few scenes where you can totally tell it's done by the same guy who did American Gothic, and therefore at least temporarily awesome. Unfortunately, Longinus and Diana, the nominal baddies, are clearly meant to be cast from the same mould as Lucas and Selina, and they completely fail to measure up. Especially Longinus, who frankly is a whingy little Roman bitch. I kind of like Diana, though, if only because she shares my hatred for dance.
On the subject of how much I hate dance, Mama Froodle came to visit again last week - it was pretty enjoyable, apart from the part where she forced me to go to the ballet. Let me just state again - I HATE DANCE. Especially ballet, which is just a bunch of underfed white boys flailing around like spastics who've gone off their medication. It was like - you know that episode of Angel where they go to Pylea, and Lorne is explaining that they have no music, but unfortunately they still have dancing, and then Numquar does the dance of joy in complete silence? It was like that, for three hours. I only survived because I started fantasizing about shooting everyone onstage in their kneecaps. Fortunately, as with all great artists, pain and suffering leads to creativity, so I give you ( Read more... )
In other news, seven weeks 'til Halloween, yay! ASDA have already put their decorations and things out - this year they have a really cool skeleton in a hanging cage, and when you press a button the skeleton shouts and rattles the bars and tries to escape, and an awesome jug in the shape of a skull. I also got a set of four really cute votive candle holders decorated with bats which arrived today (hence why I'm up so early). Also, fair warning to anyone attending Casa Del Froodle this year who plans on turning up in a Nurse!Joker costume - I will try to grab your ass. I promise I won't pretend it's some lame homoeroticized version of Capture The Flag, though. Seriously, Ronan. Fail. |
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[Aug. 16th, 2008|10:13 pm] |
I'm back, losers. Somehow I managed to contract a computer virus that required me to reload my entire operating system from scratch, losing all my valuable files and links in the process. I cannot help thinking Liamneeson is punishing me for the whole Nathan/Peter thing. I SAID I WAS SORRY, OKAY?! I HAVE ISSUES AND I DON'T LIKE MOHINDER/SYLAR VERY MUCH AND THAT SEEMS TO BE ALL THERE IS APART FROM PETRELLICEST IN THIS FANDOM AND NATHAN IS SO VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE AND IT CONFUSES ME HOW ATTRACTIVE HE IS AND THEN I MAKE BAD CHOICES WITH MY PORN!
Anyway, I have paid my penance, and now I have returned with an important message for you all. And it is thus: go and watch In Bruges. Seriously. I was going to go watch the new Clone Wars movie and maybe see TDK again this weekend, but I watched In Bruges in the morning and it was so marvellous, I decided to cancel all other plans in favour of an impromptu Colinfest.
Yes, that's right, In Bruges is more awesome than the Dark Knight. I'm not joking. Batbale might be hot-shit when it comes to high-tech gadgetry and fighting crime, but In Bruges has Colin Farrel karate-chopping a midget and calling a skinhead a "bumboy" right before blinding him. Plus awesome lines about Dutch paintings being "rubbish by spastics" and Colin being chased around the town square by fatass American tourists after calling them "a bunch of fucking elephants." Unlucky, TDK, you have been completely outstripped. I was actually going to draw a picture of Colin Farrel ass-raping Batbale to express how superiour In Bruges is, but it's really difficult to draw ass-fuckery with stick figures. So, you get nothing.
...why are you still here? Go buy it on DVD. Or you're gay. |
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[Jul. 20th, 2008|12:16 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | 28 weeks later, angel, dahmer, i am sick, jeremy renner, job of doom, kathy najimy, liam neeson, liam neeson is god, lou diamond phillips, numb3rs, swat | ] |
So apparently I have laryngitis. I would like to say YES OH MY GOD THANK YOU LIAMNEESON! but I have completely lost my voice, so I can't say anything at all. And in case you're wondering why I should be so joyful about contracting a voice-stealing viral infection, it's because I am now doctor-ordered to stay off the 'phones and away from fuckwit customers. So in your FACE, House of Gas, if you'd let me off when I first told you my voice was going and my throat hurt, it probably wouldn't have gotten to this stage, but now? Now you can suck my DICK for the next few weeks. That'll teach you to treat your employees like shit and assume you know the rhythms of my body better than I do.
On an entirely different note, is there some kind of secret rule that Jeremy Renner doesn't get to live to the end of any movie ever? Even when you really think that this time will be the time he makes it, he always ends up getting stabbed or run over by a train or set on fire by the stupid US Army. Also, it's very confusing when people keep calling him Doyle. I don't think that should be allowed.
In other news, I have been re-watching the earlier seasons of Numb3rs, you know, back when Don supplied the required amounts of suspect-beating and manly violence, and seriously, it is so awesome. I love that bit where Megan and Charlie are having a conversation about some evil professor dude having a poker tell, and Megan's all, *gives psychological advice* and then Charlie asks to borrow some FBI survelliance equiptment to spy on the evil dude and Megan's like, "Uhh... no." And Charlie looks really put out, like it was a totally reasonable request and Megan's just being awkward about it. Also, the whole Thing with Megan and Larry is so cute and filled with convoluted cosmic metaphor and general coolity. Like when they're having a conversation about bathtubs and Megan's all, trying to insinuate Adult Things and Larry keeps going on and on about Archimedes and other Larry-like stuff and it's just great and adorkable.
Also, the whole Colby/Charlie thing has totally grown on me - like in the treasure-huntin' episode when Liz is all new and Charlie is jibbing about some... I think it was a towboat or something, I don't know... and Liz is being all skeptical about the POWERS OF MATHS and she's like, "Tch, silliness!" and Colby's all, "No really, he's fun to watch" and Liz gives him this look like, "Yeah, maybe for you, I prefer my Eppes with more MANLY VIOLENCE, thank you very much." And when Kathy Najimy keeps trying to manipulate Charlie into doing stuff by comparing him to James Bond, and he shows up at a crime scene in a tux and he's all, IMMA LIKE JAMES BOND WITH MATHS! and Colby is like, "no" and Charlie is like, *sadface* and OMG you guys it is so cute, go and watch Numb3rs!
Argh... you know when you want fic, but you're too lazy to go look for it yourself? That's what I'm like at the moment. Somebody go find me some Colby/Charlie fic that is awesome and contains no sadness or angst or anything bad. Oh, and especially nothing where the characters waste pages and pages whining about how Don/David/Alan/Larry/Megan will react. They will be awesome, just like they always are. Lou Diamond Phillips will probably be disapproving, but he and Don will glare at each other through their alpha-male sunglasses until they feel the issue is resolved. Then everyone will drink coffee. It's just like a real episode, but with mankissing! I should totally write for TV. |
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[Nov. 13th, 2006|06:18 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | alan&jess, batbale, bones, carnivale, christian bale, david boreanaz, halloween, history boys, hugh jackman, liam neeson is god, lost, monkeys, snithy, team america, the dave, the lost boys, the prestige, wicked | ] |
Well, well, well. Once again, I must apologise for leaving you bereft and Froodless for such a long time. In my defence, the last couple of weeks have been MADNESS, of the very best sort. Kicking off with THE BEST HALLOWEEN EVER, in which I gave myself a headache with my Medusa costume, made myself sick by eating too many cakes, was asked to be a Godmother (mwahaha, the Church of Liamneeson lives!), actually got Trick-or-Treaters who weren't chavs, had a powercut on Halloween night, and took many pictures that will be used to embarrass my fellow revellers once they are staid and responsible parents. Although they can't be all that responsible, because really, who makes someone like me responsible for a childs' religious edutainment?
Laterwards, I and Snithy both succumbed to the wonders of Newly Hot David Boreanaz, in the guise of swoon-inducing FBI agent... uh, I forget what his name was, but it was stupid. Anyway, he's Totally Hot and shoots things and digs and threatens to shoot gender-ambiguous lab assistants for asking him about his sex life. Needless to say, it totally rules.
Then, as if such Halloweeny and David Boreanazy joy wasn't enough, it was my birthday, which I celebrated in the best tradition of Making People Buy Me Stuff, which was cool even though I didn't get a monkey or a dancing baby penguin. I did see the History Boys (awesome), the Prestige (stupid plot twist barely compensated for by having Hughverine and Batbale wear top hats) and the Departed (which would have been awesome if not for MAtt Damon, and when I say Matt Damon you have to imagine me saying it in the voice of the Matt Damon puppet from Team America, because that is exactly how I feel about Matt Damon.)
Also, I finally got around to watching Carnivale, which is... interesting. I feel bad for Libby, though; her mother's a whore, her father is weak and ineffectual and her sister is dead, and now I reckon Jonesy has a bit of a mancrush on Ben since the Laying On Of Hands. Also, Lodz is creepy. Like, way, way creepier than Brother Justin. Also, there should be more bears. Take a hint from Lost, writers; bears are awesome.
Also, Snithy, you will be gleeified to know that the cheque for Wicked is in the post, complete with deathly hamsters of death and possibly some lumberjacks, and that I have booked my ticket to... Cornwall or Colchester or wherever it is you live. And if your home town does not prove to be the pit of moonshine-swilling hillbillies I imagined it to be, I will be most displeased. |
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[Jun. 23rd, 2006|08:38 pm] |
( Read more... )
Sex, ninjas, forbidden love, Liam Neeson and the bitterness only a lifetime in customer service can produce? Tell me that wouldn't make for a great story. I'd read it. |
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[Jun. 14th, 2006|10:09 pm] |
The lesson for today is thus: when someone at work asks what you're doodling on the back of a sign-in sheet, the correct answer is hardly ever "A comic about what would happen if Liam Neeson was God." Even if it happens to be true.
( Read more... ) |
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[May. 9th, 2006|10:42 pm] |
Now, I'm not shallow enough to claim that homoerotic tussling between two hot boys, a couple of hours of Drawn Together and a mug of hot chocolate are enough to erase the pain of my recent bereavement but neither will I pretend that it didn't help. Besides, at least I can take comfort in my faith... or can I?
( Read more... ) |
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[May. 4th, 2006|10:12 pm] |
People on my FList keep posting pictures of Kingdom Hearts II and Advent Children and I don't always stop to check the community name and then it leaves me all like, OMG RIKKU IS IN ADVENT CHILDREN WHY?!?! and then I think of how much I hate Sulky Squall and how David Boreanaz did his voice in KHI and I was all like, "Oh great, now you're whiny and voiced by Angel" and I secretly thought he might have an evil alter ego but NO, there was just Squall. Being sulky. Getting his ass kicked by Haley Joel Osmond. And... it's very confusing to me.
Also, shut up Amazon I do not want Sharpe's Challenge! Stop being all temptifying with the promise of Sean Bean only to deliver Ye Olde Sean Bean because it hurts my feelings! Besides, I need the Sentinal and Gargoyles and the Moomins and so many other things and oh my God why does everything have to cost money? People should buy me stuff just for being awesome. I'm going to take it up with Liamneeson at the next staff meeting. |
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[May. 2nd, 2006|10:38 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | asoue, big wolf on campus, drawn together, lemony snicket, liam neeson is god, miami vice, narnia, neverending story, peter pan, pirates, werewolves yay, xmen evolution | ] |
Big Wolf on Campus makes Miami Vice references! It can't be natural to be as pleased by this as I am, but come on, "Next week we'll be discussing the rise and fall of Don Johnson"? Mr D, you are my hero even if you do eat cute monkeys and pick fights with teenaged boys dressed as Micheal Jackson!
In other news, my Gay Pirate Book* has arrived, courtesy of Liam Neeson and Royal Mail, along with the second season of Miami Vice (OMG, that dude stole his Ferrari! Kill him, Elvis!) and the first season of Drawn Together. Not that this prevented me splurging on the Chronicals of Narnia boxset in Computer Exchange and discussing the Neverending Story with the cashier, but still, that should satisfy my entertainment needs until the third season of XM:E comes out.
*Captain Hook: the Adventures of a Notorious Youth, by JV Hart and illustrated by the guy who illustrates the Lemony Snicket books. I'm on a Peter Pan kick this week. |
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[Apr. 22nd, 2006|10:02 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | blade, buffy, donald sutherland, dracula, horror movies, interview with a vampire, jesus christ vampire hunter, keiffer sutherland, liam neeson is god, paintshop silliness, the lost boys, thlayli, vampires yay | ] |
The most awesome thing about Easter is the after-Easter sale on all kinds of delicious chocolatey items. I did indeed get my rum truffles, and some snacks for Thlayli and co., before returning home for a marvellously vampire-themed moviefest: Blade Trinity, Dracula 2001, the Lost Boys, Interview with the Vampire, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and oh, the delicious irony of Donald Sutherland being a Watcher and Keifer Sutherland being, well, David) and of course, Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter. Because everything's better with ninjas.
Of course, nobody can see that much religious iconography in one day without some consequences, and so I give you another installment of...
( Read more... )
I don't normally talk about serious things in this journal, owing to the fact that I'm not a very serious person and also because I believe the internet is for porn, but occaisonally something will rile me to the point where I have to speak up.
I am sick and tired of hearing pretentious fuckwits whine about the great evil that is Christianity. You're not being oppressed when I go to mass. Lighting a candle for the dead does not mean I am some right-wing anti-abortionist lunatic, or that I have been brainwashed by Vatican propaganda. How dare you make assumptions about my intelligance or political allegiance or in fact, any other aspect of my life based on something that is none of your fucking business in the first place? It's so wonderful that you're secure enough in your own belief system that you feel entitled to make snide remarks about other peoples. I'm not making you attend with me, I'm not asking you to pay lip-service to the things that I believe, I'm not trying to convert you, and frankly, if that's how you're going to act then I wouldn't want you on my side anyway. What I believe is not up for debate, and spouting anti-Christian rhetoric at me in a loud voice is not debate to begin with.
Those people with the signs get on my nerves, yes, but so do Big Issue sellers and Amnesty International members and buskers and anybody else who interferes with me getting in and out of town with as little human interaction as possible. But the ones that really annoy me are mother-fucking hecklers who verbally attack these people. Nobody cares about their religious views, and guess what? Nobody cares about yours, either. Stop trying to impress your worthless friends with how "OMGALTERNATIVE" you are, and grow the fuck up. And the next time you want to talk to me about my faith?
Fuck yourself, and don't act entitled to answers. |
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[Apr. 19th, 2006|09:51 pm] |
Heh. I saw a sign today that said "Malik Car Insurance; if we can't do it, no-one can". Hey, boy's gotta make a living somehow. It's hard, being an ancient Egyptian god in today's society.
In other news, OMG Edward James Olmos is a ninja! All these years, I thought it was the stony glare of DOOM keeping everyone in place, but really, it was the knowledge that he could rip out their spleen and leap away over the rooftops with it. I don't know if this increases or decreases my respect for him; on the one hand, being a ninja is pretty awesome, but on the other, being able to shut up anyone from a handsome Vice detective to your drunkard XO, crazy Aztec priest to Asian drug baron, just by glaring at them, is also damn cool.
And finally, it is now time for more...
( Read more... ) |
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[Apr. 17th, 2006|10:43 pm] |
In keeping with the holiday spirit, and to make up for the fact that the journal has been sadly lacking in news of chocolate or duckies or Zombie Jesus over the weekend, I present to you:
( Read more... ) |
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[Apr. 7th, 2006|10:13 pm] |
I hereby decree that from this point on, Miami Vice shall be known as my Big Gay Cop Fandom. Too bad, FAKE. Call me when you have a movie version starring Colin Farrell as Dee. That would be so awesome. And Edward James Olmos could totally be the Chief! If Liam Neeson wants me to fight at his side during the End of Days, he totally needs to create that movie for me.
In other news, I was going to post a big list of Escaflowne fic recs and such here, but I need to go find Miami Vice porn now, so everyone go and read Mr T versus Escaflowne instead. |
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[Apr. 2nd, 2006|11:45 pm] |
Hahahaaaah, Liam Neeson loves me, yes he does. Behold! Sexy, sexy Lietro just for me! I am the most awesome person in the world EVAR!
...okay, not really, I accidently clicked the word "Lietro" in my interests list thinking it was a community and it brought that up. But still, gift from God!
In other news, I think there may be some kind of secret rule that you have to cross Brokeback Mountain with absolutely every other fandom in the world. At least the ones with a slash contingent. See, for example, the latest additions to Kenobi Explains. Although I seriously will cry if anyone turns Scip into a Big Gay Cowboy.
Oh, and you know who sucks? The Duke of Freid. "Yes, I think I'll just stupidly kill myself and leave the faate of my kingdom in the hands of my five-year-old son, who, while very cute, is a) five years old and b) related to Allen and therefore probably retarded, and in any case is totally not capable of standing up to Folken's sneaky and sinister ways." I did, however, have hysterics when he's on the battlefield all like, "Rargh, you're rubbish Zaibach! I challenge you to come and fight me!" and the Zaibach archers are like, *ZING* and he's all like, *dies*. And his bright yellow 'melef, what the hell was that about? That's so much worse than Dilandau and his Big Gay Alseides of DOOM. And Allen being all like, "No Van, you can't fight Dilandau, I have to fight him!" and Van's all, "Allen, you have no arms! Back the fuck down, bitch!" and Allen's like, *Hmph, I shall toss my hair in a disgruntled yet manly fashion!" and Van's like, "Whatever." But I don't care because OMG DRYDEN! So awesome! |
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[Mar. 30th, 2006|09:51 pm] |
Whoa, whoa, whoa... Magneto was voiced by Christopher Judge? As in, the Christopher Judge? As in Head?! I think my brain has exploded from the incomprehensibility of ickle Pietro and Teal'c being related. Man, and I thought it was hard taking Kurt and Scott seriously when all I can hear every time they open their mouths is Quatre and Trowa.
In other news, possibly the worst thing about revisiting old fandoms is the fact that all those links you painstakingly amassed back in the day are now mostly defunct, and you're left screaming at the heavens that you want your fucking Lietro porn back right the hell now, do you hear me Liam Neeson?! But then you realise that you can preorder the entire third season on Amazon, and that love, betrayal and Pietro being bitchslapped with an armchair will be yours to own in a relivately short while, and you feel loved once again. |
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[Mar. 24th, 2006|11:14 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | billy boyd is old, college of knowledge, cornelia funke, french people suck, ickle midshipman blakeney, liam neeson is god, lord of the rings, master and commander, patrick o'brien, paul bettany, pretty hobbits, russel crowe, stephen maturin, thief lord, tom pullings | ] |
Thief Lord porn! With Princess Bride references, no less. Liam Neeson loves me, yes he does.
Watched Master & Commander this evening; I'd forgotten how much I adore that film, even if it is basically Tom Pullings' wet dream. The jokes, my God, the appalling yet hysterically funny jokes. Stephen being a pissy little bitch. Ickle Midshipman Blakeney, aww! The sealion that says "Argh!" Jack slagging off whalers in front of the head whaler dude. Poor, sad Tom and his unrequited Jacklove. Killick's cantankerous mutterings. Random appearence by a hobbit. And did I mention, the jokes? I thought I was going to die during that last scene; poor Stephen is handling his disappointment remarkably well for someone who is, as previously mentioned, a pissy little bitch, and Jack has to go and make that remark about flightless birds not going anywhere - it's hil-fucking-hairy-house, as we used to say back in college, |
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[Feb. 8th, 2006|08:17 pm] |
People who think that Murdoch is better than Face are cripples, puppy-eaters and probably French, and they will be damned to an eternal Hell by Liam Neeson for their crimes. So there.
In other news, I do not get the point of Russia. Maybe it's one of those things non-Americans don't understand, but I don't see why they're always the big threat in movies. I mean, why? Russia's crap. Sure, they have loads of palaces and whatever with all that gold bling, but the weather's shit and the general population is poor. All anyone ever does there is drink strong liquor and eat potatoes. It's basically Ireland with less leprechauns.
Russia fails at life. |
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[Jan. 10th, 2006|08:33 pm] |
Okay, why did nobody tell me That 70's Show was so awesome? I bought it because it was on sale and I vaguely recalled Ashton Kutcher wearing many a tight shirt and reminding me of a guy I had a crush on in college. I didn't expect to be sitting there howling with laughter or squealing over how adorable Fez is.
And I certainly didn't expect to be having a religious experiance, unless Ashton Kutcher's waxed manchest was involved in some form. You see, lately, I've been going through something of a spiritual crisis. I've been worried. There are times when I think that I might be shallow, that in my never-ending quest to watch pretty boys kissing and occaisonally murder small children, I could be missing out on the better things in life. Who knows, there could be more to the Star Wars prequel than Hayden Christensen in black leather and eyeliner. It might be about good, and evil, and the importance of protected sex and not falling into lava like a total dumbass.
And then, just when I'm begining to doubt myself, WHAM! The heavens open, and God says unto me, "Behold, young Froodle, I give you Eric Foreman and that kid from Third Rock From The Sun that you had a crush on, snogging!" Don't you see? This proves that I'm following the right path; God doesn't want me to care about the nature of the soul or the state of the world - he just wants me to watch Joseph Gorden Levitt snogging other men.
Also, I think Smallville would be massively improved if we just replaced Clark with a super-powered Kelso, Lana with Jackie and Lex with Fez let the good times roll. |
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[Nov. 16th, 2005|10:47 pm] |
Next week we have some stupid litigation thingie to do. I haven't bothered to find out much about it besides the fact that it requires me to call another student "Master" for the space of two hours. For this reason, come next Wednesday I shall be sporting a Padawan braid and speaking in the perviest voice I can manage.
On a related note, how cool is Liam Neeson going to be as Aslan? This so proves my "Liam Neeson is God" theory.
In other news, am in hysterics over that episode of Smallville with the kid that ages really fast, where Clark is moping because he's an alien and he might not ever be able to have kids. I so imagined him as Ted from Scrubs being like, "My guys swim in circles". Oh Clark. Even your sperm is retarded. |
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[Nov. 4th, 2005|10:50 pm] |
It's probably dreadfully old-fashioned and unprogressive of me, but I always imagine God as an older gent hanging out in a castle made of fluffy white clouds. Only instead of being some besandled Santa, I like to imagine him as Qui Gonn Jinn. I figure, if there has to be some old guy in space looking out for me, I'd like it to be Liam Neeson. The moral of this story is that everything that happens to me is ultimately attributable to Liam Neeson.
In other, more Smallville-flavoured news: Oh Lana. Just when I thought I couldn't hate you any more, you go and catch baby rabies. Between Tom Welling, Kristen Kreuk and that freakish toad-like baby, there was more vacant, glassy-eyed stares and drooling than in any zombie movie I've ever seen. Also, it says a lot about what a tool Clark has been this season that I seriously expected him to have a go at Lex for using Freakbaby's genetic material to cure cancer. Bring back Prom Queen!Clark and Ranty Evil!Lex, say I.
Doesn't Clark's blood bring people back from the dead? There was a big thing with Lana's multi-talented yet forgettable love interest last season using Clark's drugs to be non-corpsified. Clark could so have resurrected Freakbaby's dad and harvested his bone marrow to save Freakbaby, but no, he has to be a selfish dumbass like always. I desperately miss the Clark/Lex sweetness from the earlier seasons, but damn, Lex could do so much better. Except for, you know, the part where all his other floozies end up trying to kill him or banging his dad or stealing his company. Who knew being a sexy, morally ambiguous billionairre was so hard? |
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[Aug. 11th, 2005|10:46 pm] |
Disrageous!
I have just wasted 90 minutes of my life watching "Lamb", a film about, and I quote, "the burgeoning relationship between a Catholic priest and his young ward within the confines of an all-boys school". And did it have boy-molesting? No it did not!
What is the world coming to when you can have the clergy and young boys in the same film and not have it be about boy-molestin'? I am disgusted by everything in the entire universe, including Liam Neeson, who I conclude has made this film just to piss me off!
Now I'm going to watch Episode 1 and Kinsey. And possibly Les Mis. But that doesn't mean I have forgiven him, oh no! THERE WILL BE A RECKONING! |
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