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"...I do not peddle flesh; I sell dreams..."
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 24th, 2008|10:23 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | 24, batbale, batman begins, bones, breakfast on pluto, bsg, buffy, carnivale, christian bale, cillian murphy, colin farrel, dark knight, david boreanaz, deadwood, edward james olmos, heroes, highlander, idina menzel, in bruges, johnny depp, keiffer sutherland, moomins, nbx, numb3rs, ouatim, rent, sweeney todd, the dave, the downey, the wire, tove jansson, utena, zodiac | ] |
Aww fuck, you guys, I think I just permanantly destroyed Batman Begins for myself by watching it right after I watched Breakfast on Pluto. And for once it's completely my own fault, because I've seen both of them multiple times so I can't claim I was tricked into watching or anything. Now every time Dr Crane gases anyone, I keep seeing that scene from BoP where he imagines himself as an undercover counter-terrorist agent, complete with black PVC minidress and flashing a bright yellow bra, and he neutralizes all the bombers by spraying Chanel perfume* in their eyes, and it just destroys me.
In other news, I have decided to invent some kind of coolness scale where characters are awarded points based on the liklihood of them karate-chopping a midget. It'll look something like this:
Karate-chopping a midget: 10 coolpoints
Doing harm to a midget other than by karate-chopping it: 5 coolpoints
Not doing anything mean to a midget: 0 coolpoints
A midget karate-chops you: minus 10,000 coolpoints
I decided to test it out on a random selection and it works pretty well, as shown below:
Jack Bauer: would karate-chop a midget: 10 points.
Sweeney Todd: would cut a midget's throat and make it into pie: 5 points
Al Swearengen: as above, except replace "make it into pie" with "feed to Mister Wu's piggies": 5 points
Edward James Olmos: would shout or glare at a regular midget; only karate-chops midgets if they are Cylons: 7.5 points
Methos: doesn't know karate, but from a moral perspective, would have no problem karate-chopping a midget: 10 points, because he can always learn later.
The Dave: unable to bring himself to harm a midget: 0 points.
Giles: would karate-chop a midget, then fire-bomb its house, but only if the midget really pushed him to it: 10 points
Nathan Petrelli: no qualms about karate-chopping a midget whatsoever: 10 points
Angela Petrelli: would belittle the midget so much it karate-chopped itself: 10 points
Peter Petrelli: gets karate-chopped by the midget. Everyone laughs. Minus 10,000 points.
Agent Sands: if he still has eyes, karate-chops the midget; if not, shoots the midget after locating it by the sound of it's tiny midget feet: 10 points, because the intention is there if not the physical ability.
Moominpapa: doesn't know karate, and anyway has tiny Moomin arms unsuitable for midget-chopping. Would probably write a chapter in his Memoirs about how he karate-chopped it anyway: 5 points for inventiveness.
Mark Cohen from RENT: gets karate-chopped by the midget. Minus 10,000 points.
Idina Menzel, in anything: karate-chops that midget and makes it cry little midget tears. 10 points.
Akio Ohtori: karate-chops the midget, steals its fine midget hos, then runs the midget down in the Akiocar. 10 points.
Stringer Bell: karate-chops the midget only if economically viable. Otherwise, arranges to have it gunned down in a drive-by. 7.5 points.
Oogie Boogie: karate-chops the midget, sings a song about it: 10 points
Ben Hawkins: karate-chops a midget, spends three episodes angsting about it. 9.5 points, as he gets half a point deduction for angst.
Don Eppes: pre-The Bunk, karate-chops that midget and takes a suspension. Post-The Bunk, tries to work out his differences with the midget, then gets Lou Diamond Phillips to karate-chop it for him instead. 7.5 points.
Harvey Dent: gets karate-chopped by a midget, cries like a bitch. Ditto Two-Face, but with half as many tears. Minus 20,000 points because both personalities fail.
I call it the Froodilicus Scale of Karate-Chopped Midgets. Obviously you can't rely on it entirely - for example, Brennan would have no problem karate-chopping a midget whereas The Dave would, but clearly The Dave is clearly cooler than Brennan. But as a rough guide, it's pretty accurate.
On a completely unrelated note, I'm thinking of buying a new storage unit as the number of books, DVDs and random crap in my house has once again reached critical mass. At the moment I am torn between this and this. On the one hand, the cabinet gives me much more storage space and as it's got glass shelves, I can put my models and suchlike in there and not have to worry about dusting them. On the other hand, it's white and white wooden furniture always makes me feel like I'm trapped in a John Hughes movie circa 1984. Comments? Suggestions?
Oh, and finally, and having nothing to do with anything discussed above: MOAR ZODIAC PORN PLZ. That is all.
*For the record, given that pretty much every Chanel product smells like catpiss, I think it would be very effective as a weapon used either by or against terrorists. I know if you sprayed it on me, I'd be too busy choking and retching to even think about blowing stuff up until I'd had a shower. |
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[May. 4th, 2006|10:12 pm] |
People on my FList keep posting pictures of Kingdom Hearts II and Advent Children and I don't always stop to check the community name and then it leaves me all like, OMG RIKKU IS IN ADVENT CHILDREN WHY?!?! and then I think of how much I hate Sulky Squall and how David Boreanaz did his voice in KHI and I was all like, "Oh great, now you're whiny and voiced by Angel" and I secretly thought he might have an evil alter ego but NO, there was just Squall. Being sulky. Getting his ass kicked by Haley Joel Osmond. And... it's very confusing to me.
Also, shut up Amazon I do not want Sharpe's Challenge! Stop being all temptifying with the promise of Sean Bean only to deliver Ye Olde Sean Bean because it hurts my feelings! Besides, I need the Sentinal and Gargoyles and the Moomins and so many other things and oh my God why does everything have to cost money? People should buy me stuff just for being awesome. I'm going to take it up with Liamneeson at the next staff meeting. |
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[Aug. 9th, 2004|09:15 pm] |
It's been rainy and cold all day here. Am in much better mood as a result. Also have Lost Boys soundtrack - aaah, 80's goodness. To celebrate, recs:
Senkobunny writes some mighty fine Hellsing slash, both Jan/Luke and Alucard/Luke. Go. Read.
Melrose Naboo has been around for years, and inactive (alas) since 2001. However, it remains the funniest Star Wars site I have ever seen.
I urge everyone to read The Adventures of Puppy Boy and Pointy Face. Genius. Then go back and read all of Domestic Piranhas.
Like "Kim Possible"? Like Kim Possible slash? Then check out the LJ of therealmoebius. Now with Mystical Monkey Lovin'!
Also, today is the birthday of Moomin creator Tove Jansson. Thus, this day shall henceforth be known as Tove Jansson Day. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 23rd, 2004|11:52 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | angel, angel is not fat, billy boyd is old, boy-molesting, fake, fucking bugs, moomins, patrick o'brien, poor ickle lindsey, snufkin, stephen maturin, the angelus brogue, tom pullings | ] |
The following things are true:
Vests were not invented in 1812.
Lindsey has an Angelus-like evil alter-ego. Fortunatly, he only comes out to play if Angel ever returns Lindsey's feelings, which we all know is less likely than James Marsters appearing on television ever again.
Billy Boyd is at least 80 years old.
Angel is not fat.
At least one of my brothers is evil.
David Boreanaz is a strange, strange man.
The comparisons between Saiyuki and Angel the Series are spurious at best.
Sanzo and Angelus have nothing in common. Angelus (as far as I know) doesn't wear bondage gear under priest's robes. Also, Sanzo is a lot grumpier, doesn't speak in an evil Irish brogue and the chances of him having a nun fetish are fairly low.
I am, however, willing to buy the Kougaji/Lindsey and Gojyo/Spike connection. Though Kougaji is too tall to make a good Lindsey.
Lindsey is the Tom Pullings of the Angelverse.
FAKE 7 has an adult rating for a very good reason. It should also probably not be read in one's local Starbucks, due to the risk of shock-induced choking.
Angel's power resides not in his puppy-dog eyes, pointy hair or socially retardedness, but in his white vest.
Everybody loves young boys in kitty ears.
Stephen Maturin is the Hemulen from the Moomins.
Snufkin is all.
I hate moths. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 12th, 2004|11:47 pm] |
I'm back!
Urgh, twelve days without the internet. Twelve. Sodding. Days.
Have spent most of it lying on the sofa in my kick-ass new apartment, watching Buffy and Angel for hours on end. Such goodness.
Had a good cry over Giles and Buffy's breakdown at the end of 'Passions' (as well as a good laugh over Giles taking a flaming baseball bat to Angelus's head). Nearly choked to death laughing at Angelus's 'facial hair thoughout the ages' flashbacks in 'Amends', not to mention the drunken irishness that is Liam. Had forgotten what it felt like to actually care about most of the characters in anything but a strictly 'God, I hope you die' sense. Also am amazed at the cuteness of Xander and how incredibly boring Angel was. No wonder I used to think he was such a prick.
Quotable quotes include:
Xander: I'm still key guy, right? Good. Then Angel, in his non-key-guy capacity, can work with me.
Angel: What fun.
Xander: Key guy's still talking!
Xander: I gotta say, I'm with Deadboy on this one.
Angel: Could you not call me that?
Pretty much the entire scene with Angelus, Darla and the Master in 'Darla'.
Angel: Stop calling me pastries.
Faith: [wombles on to Wesley about Angel not being mean and nasty enough for her liking] What if I killed you? Do you think that would work, or would it just be really funny?
Also, David Boreanaz haas huge hands. I mean really huge. My brother has pretty big hands, but his are nowhere near as big as Angel's sexy sexy hands.
I miss his hands. And the blipverts. And mocking Lindsey.
And how attractive Angel is when he's just been horribly beaten up, like in 'The Ring'.
And how every now and then, David Boreanaz will impress me with something other than the fact that he's a very pretty chunk of manflesh. My heart broke for him in those last few minutes of 'Hero', when he was screaming Doyle's name.
On a lighter note, the fuzzy felt Moomin dvds arrived today. Huzzah! Didn't get a chance to watch them, as Alan and Jess came over, bringing with them an Angel duvet and pillow set, which is possibly the best housewarming present EVER. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 27th, 2004|04:51 pm] |
Today marks the three-year anniversary of the death of Tove Jansson, creator of the Moomintroll books. Go. Mourn. Read your Moomintroll books.
In Moomin-related news, the fuzzy felt animation version is available here. It contains both the full-length German versions (with optional English subtitles) and the heavily edited five-minute versions that aired in England.
Moomin fans have been waiting for this release for years, and I think I speak for all of us when I say: It's about fucking time. |
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