|
"...I do not peddle flesh; I sell dreams..."
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 12th, 2009|10:30 am] |
Well dudes, I am writing this on a windy Sunday morning, sitting on a penthouse balcony overlooking all of Leeds and fighting the urge - no doubt caused by having watched the Goonies at a tender age - to make puking noises and then pour some gross shit over the people walking below me.
The Family von Froodle has descended upon Yorkshire and rather than make an ill-advised attempt to cram more than one person and three rabbits into my homey hovel, we have rented a top-floor apartment in the Chambers in Park Place.
And dudes, it is epic. When you walk in, the foyer is all marblelicious and there's "tasteful" displays of modern art in all the alcoves (note: these are not alcoves suitable for hidin' when employed in the killin' of dudes, these are alcoves for the tasteful displayin' of tasteful modern art) and there's a twenty-four hour concierge service and, dudes, if you want a DVD or some groceries or whatever, you just ring down to reception and they go and get it for you! How awesome is that!
And the apartment itself is even more awesome - it's got floor to ceiling windows on all the outside walls, and a balcony that runs all the way around and has blue spotlights in the floor that you can turn on at night, and sliding doors in each room that open on to the balcony and one of those jzacuzzi-baths and hardwood floors and lights in the wardrobe that come on when you open the door and a TV in the bathroom.
And oh, my God, the TVs! They are so big, I think they are giving me AIDS. AIDS causes you to want to steal stuff, right? I was watching SGA last night (on DVD, but it was my DVD that I brought with me, not a DVD I randomly made the reception dude run out and get for me because that would make me feel uncomfortable and jerklike) and, okay, Joe Flannigan and Major Lorne are beautiful even on my small old-school piece of shit TV, but in 40-inch hi-def with surround sound, their combined beauty is enough to melt your face.
I always make fun of James for working ridiculously long hours, figuring that nothing could make a seventy-hour week worthwhile, but when I see this place, how some people live, I can understand it a little bit better. Don't get me wrong, my character flaws are such that I am a lot more lazy than I am materialistic, but I do get it a bit now.
Anyway, we went to see Dreamboats and Petticoats on Friday and it was marvellous - it's about this dude who enters a song-writing competition, and his writing partner is in love with him, only he is in love with this slutty hot chick, who is in love with this slutty hot guy who, and this is the most important thing, was played by a total bargin basement Jensen Ackles. And it was all set in the fifties and there were awesome old-school rock and roll songs and those beautiful circle dresses and it was made of win. And! Nobody even died or exploded or shot some dudes, and I still loved it, so that should tell you how great it was.
Anyway, Mama Froodle just got out of the shower so I'm going to put the laptop aside and go see what the plan is for the rest of the day. Later days! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 7th, 2009|11:47 pm] |
Dudes, is it just me or is every Ronan-centric episode of SGA exactly the same?
- Some Wraith come.
- Ronan hates the Wraith.
- Ronan cries about his dead gay planet.
- Ronan works out his angst by shooting a lot of things.
I mean, I guess he is slightly less of a one-note character than Ford eventually became ("RARR! I EAT WRAITH JUICE! RARR! YOU ALL HATE ME! RARR! NOW LET'S GO AHEAD WITH OPERATION: REALLY STUPID PLAN!") and he's not, you know, unfun to look at, but seriously Ronan, do something other than whine about your stupid planet!
Of course, it's cancelled now so he will never have the chance. Oh well. Maybe in the inevitable movie sequel Ronan will have an exciting new obsession that doesn't revolve around avenging Sateda or crying because his mates are little Wraith bitches now. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2009|11:30 am] |
So, I'm watching Stargate: Atlantis and seriously, how awesome would it be to be a Wraith? Think about it; your entire life consists of flying around in space, eating people and molesting innocent Sheppards, indispersed with centuries-long naps. Also, I bet human life force has like, almost zero fat and carbs, so you never have to worry about getting too chunky for your spiffy leather duds.
I think the only downside of it would be that a lot of them are obviously a bit vain - I mean, okay, they say they're sleeping for years at a time, but really, does anyone actually get up with hair like that? My worry is that the time they claim to spend in hibernation is really spent obsessively straightening their hair in preparation for the next big Cullapalooza, and as some of you know, I am not that great on the concept of haircare.
Having said that, though, you do get the ones with dreadlocks, who tend to be a bit harder than the Zombie Legolas wannabes - maybe the rule is that if you're busy fighting a war or terrorizing the population of Atlantis or just, you know, having a bit of a rough millenia being stuck in Genii prison or stranded on some craphole planet, the Wraith Fashionistas lay off if your hair gets a bit matted. I could totally deal with that - I am way more comfortable with the concept of killing people horribly than I am with holding heated bits of ceramic near my face.
God, being human sucks. I want to go out and eat a bunch of people right now. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2009|02:34 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, billy campbell, buffy, heroes, i hate bugs, i hate clowns, shark, simpsons, smallville, stargate, supernatural, x-files | ] |
Do you guys know why the 4400 is better than pretty much every sci-fi/fantasy/horror show ever? It's not because it has Billy Campbell bringing heaven to earth (if the suckfest that was Shark proved anything, it is that not even Billy Campbell can rescue a show that is otherwise dire) or because there's a character whose ability is the power to make shockingly poor B-movie conspiracy thrillers, or even because Joel Gresch is a marvellous actor who really hasn't been given the praise he deserves in previous posts because I'm shallow and would rather talk about how beautiful and earnest his character is. No, the 4400 is better than it's peers because it has never, ever had an episode about bugs.
I hate bugs. I would rather face hoardes of ravening zombies in a nuclear wasteland than see some bugs. And that sucks because, from Buffy to the X-Files via Smallville and Stargate and Supernatural, in every sci-fi-ish show in the whole history of recorded time, there's always an episode about bugs somewhere. Even Heroes did it with that whole Mohinderspider thing - and really, way to take a character whose only positive attribute is his pretty face - not to mention, one of only a few really attractive actors left by that point - and totally wreck it for everyone. Stupid Mohinder. Stupid show.
Anyway, the point of this post is that I just finished watching Fear Itself, and I was so relieved that I didn't have to deal with anyone's arachnophobia coming to glaring CGI life on my TV screen that I forgot about the bit at the start where the dude gets attacked by clowns. And now I'm having a total "can't sleep, clown will eat me" moment and I'm trying to distract myself and it's totally not working.
Damn it. I am going to make a hot chocolate and then sit up working on my Marked!Jordan/Shawn smutfic and try not to think about clowns with mouths full of yellowed, needle-sharp teeth and long, jagged fingernails tearing at my flesh OH GOD! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2009|09:59 pm] |
Not that you guys should really need any encouragement to watch the 4400 beyond Jordan's beard, but as I am watching the episode in question, I would like to point out that there is a 4400 whose ability is, I kid you not, the ability to bring MANLY VIOLENCE on a massive scale. I'm totally serious, there was Tom and Major Lorne and handcuffing and pistol-whipping galore. It was glorious, dudes!
TJ should take herself over to Numb3rs and spend some time around Don and David this season. And Colby. I don't think I've ever seen Colby pistol-whip someone. Tch, Colby. Way to let the side down. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 5th, 2009|10:55 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | 30 rock, a town called eureka, buffy, heroes, mad men, near dark, profit, smallville, star trek, stargate, utena, vampires yay, year of the pasdar, zac efron blows goats | ] |
Profit arrived last week. Oh my fucking God! It's like somebody sat down and thought, "Hmm, let's design a show specifically to appeal to Froodles. What do Froodles like? Nakedness, killin's, Nathan Petrelli - I HAVE IT!" Seriously dudes, this is what Mad Men would be like if Don was actually a sociopath rather than just kind of a dick. And did I mention, there is so much naked Nathan Petrelli!
Starting immediately, 2009 will be known as the Year of The Pasdar. Anyone caught not celebrating the Year of The Pasdar will be doomed to spend the next 360 days in Hell, which is a small room covered in pictures of Zefron fondling his nipples while a tape of Jade Goody talking plays on an endless loop and there's nothing you can use to take your own life and end the pain.
Of course, since he hasn't been in much besides Heroes and Profit and that one really random movie with the cowboy vampires (no, I'm not making this up), it may be necessary to Pasdarize some other shows in order to have enough entertainment to last the whole year. Suggestions so far:
- Nathan: the Vampire Slayer
- Battlestar Pasdarica
- Stargate: SG Pasdar
- Pasdar Atlantis
- Pastrek
- Pasdarville
- A Town Called Pasdar
- Revolutionary Girl Pasdar
- 30 Pasdar
On a related note, I saw the season finale of Heroes when I was home over Christmas and Sylar is such a goon! He's totally fallen into the trap of having plans that are too complicated to actually work - I'm not going to go into too many details here because I can't be bothered to look up the cut tag, but I swear he spent five minutes gloating to Mr Bennett about whatever the fuck his evil plan was. And Mr Bennet looked bored. Whatever, Sylar. I liked you better when you just ate brains and stalked Mohinder. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2008|09:08 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, firefly, i am sick, job of doom, serenity, snithy, stargate, summer glau, the downey, x-files, zac efron blows goats | ] |
Whelp, I have food poisoning. At least, I hope it's food poisoning and not a stomach virus, because El Snithador is visiting this weekend and I feel Downeyfest will be somewhat lacking if I am lying on the sofa bemoaning my state of unwellness the whole time, and food poisoning usually passes in 48 hours whereas a stomach virus will kick my ass for much longer. Although at least if she does carry out her threat to subject me to the hideous evil that is Zac Efron, I'm already puking and wanting to die, so it will not hurt me as much as it would otherwise.
Anyway, I'm off work, I'm bored, I'm exhausted, I'm cranky and I'm in that place where you're starving but the texture of food in your mouth makes you want to start hurling again, ao to cheer myself up, I thought I would look at some pictures of Jordan and his beard of wonder. And then, because I am so generous of nature, I thought I should come on here and share them with you. And then I thought, "Why stop at Jordanbeard? This is the perfect opportunity to win people over to the cause of the 4400, and possibly trick them into writing porn for you as a get-well gift."
And so, without further ado, I present to you:
The 4400: A Brief Introduction
This is TOM BALDWIN. A long time ago he was a super-badass FBI dude. He was so badass that when his FBI boss took a job at NTAC, he insisted on bringing Tom with him. Then his son KYLE and his nephew SHAWN went to a beach to drink some BEERS. Shawn vanished, Kyle fell into a COMA and Tom took an extended leave of absense to try and solve the TERRIBLE TRAGEDY that had BEFALLEN HIS FAMILY. Tom is very EARNEST and BEAUTIFUL while being MANLY and FORCEFUL at the same time. We love Tom.
This is DIANA SKOURIS. She is TOM'S PARTNER AT NTAC. She likes SCIENCE. She's pretty COOL but she doesn't have a BEARD, so I won't talk about her much.
This is MARCO. He lives in the basement at NTAC. Nobody on the show seems to have a problem with this. He and two randoms that I can't be bothered to find the names of are Tom and Diana's version of the LONE GUNMEN. Marco is in love with DIANA. Unfortunately he looks like a thirteen year old emo kid, so Diana cannot be with him without feeling like a CHILD MOLESTER. That wouldn't bother me, but Diana is a lady of PRINCIPLE so unfortunately their LOVE is DOOMED at least until MARCO hits PUBERTY. Poor MARCO.
This is SHAWN. He is TOM's nephew and one of the 4400. He went missing THREE YEARS AGO and suddenly reappears in a GIANT BALL OF LIGHT. He can HEAL THINGS WITH HIS HANDS. He can also KILL YOUR BITCHASS DEAD if he wants, but he hardly ever does. In the second season, he becomes Jordan's NUMBER ONE BOY WENCH, but after Jordan DUMPS HIM FOR KYLE he becomes very BITTER and ANGRY.
I cannot blame him, as Kyle is FUCKING UGLY and Shawn is BEAUTIFUL.
This is JORDAN. He is BEAUTIFUL BEYOND WORDS. He has a MAGNIFICENT BEARD and may or may not be JEBUS CHRIST. When he is not SAVING MANKIND, he enjoys BREAKING UP MARRIAGES, SEDUCING UNDERAGE BOYS, conquering SEATTLE and BANGING SKANKY ACTRESS HOS. At the end of the series, TOM tries to encourage him to get back together with SHAWN. I thought that was sweet, until I realised he's probably just trying to get Jordan away from KYLE.
This is ISABELLE. She is FUCKING CRAZY and the HARBINGER of the APOCALYPSE. She was engaged to SHAWN, but he broke it off when JORDAN came BACK FROM THE DEAD. She was VERY CROSS and put him in a COMA. Then she took up with KYLE. That was pretty trashy on BOTH THEIR PARTS, I feel.
This is KYLE. He is FUCKING UGLY. Nobody cares about him.
This is TESS. She is MADE FROM CRAZY. Also she can KILL YOU WITH HER BRAIN. It's nice to see Summer Glau apply herself to such a wide and stretching variety of roles.
This is KEVIN. He is WONDERFUL. He is a CRANKY SCIENTIST. He likes SUNFLOWER SEEDS and DOING ILL-ADVISED EXPERIMENTS on himself and others. He is also the only one who really sees how full of crap JORDAN is. JORDAN gets very cross about this, but he can't do anything because Kevin has SUPER HEALING POWERS. Also he is FAR TOO AWESOME AT SCIENCE to be easily replaced.
This is MAJOR LORNE. For some reason he calls himself JED GARRITY in this show, but that is probably because he is a SPY or SOMETHING ELSE COOL. He doesn't really serve any purpose on this list, I just added him because I thought this picture was PRETTY.
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2008|12:11 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, bonfire night, bsg, firefly, halloween, liam neeson is god, my birthday, serenity, stargate, stephen moyer, true blood, ultraviolet, vampires yay, wtf | ] |
Urgh. I had this whole post planned about how great True Blood is and about how Liamneeson has finally answered my prayers for a series about redneck vampires who don't fight crime or really do anything, but then I came on here and the sheer fugliness of the new profile page caused poison to drip from my eyes and now they burn with agony and I don't feel like it anymore.
ANYWAY! I hope everyone had lots of fun celebrating the holy trifecta of awesomeness that is Halloween-Bonfire Night-Froodle Day - I have been watching Battlestar Galactica and coming to the conclusion that every show should have one snarky scientist character, because Gaius makes everything so much better through his presence. I may even love him more than Rodney and Kevin, and that is very impressive because I love Rodney and Kevin so much and also neither of them ever accidently destroyed the human race, unlike Baltar. That scene where Gaeta is being a big gay liar and wrecking Badger's stragety of stragetic awesome and Gaius kicks off at him and he's like, "The whole fleet knows this man tried to stab me through the neck. And you missed! Butterfingers!" Favourite line of any episode of BSG, ever. And BSG is hardly short of brilliant lines. I'm not saying I want to get stabbed just so I have the opportunity to use it, but still. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 24th, 2008|11:05 am] |
Oh shit, you guys! I'm watching that episode of Numb3rs with the Toxic Manifesto and the product tampering, and it's one of my favourite episodes, mostly because it combines the alpha-male coolness of Lou Diamond Phillips, aka Boothius Maximus, with this rancher dude who was falsely accused of selling tainted beef and killing a US Marshall, and he's all capable and manly and lives off the land in a way that makes me weak-kneed and trembly because I'm a lazyass city person and I find that whole concept terribly impressive, and I never really talked about this before because he's only in the one episode and he doesn't interact with any of the characters (because he's busy being a MANLY FUGITIVE FROM INJUSTICE!) and-and-and I just realized, he's the same guy who played stupid whiny Micheal from Stargate Atlantis and now I feel dirty and violated and not in the good way.
Sigh. Now I must find someone else rugged and capable to crush on. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 15th, 2008|09:58 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, american gothic, bones, carnivale, in bruges, jericho, meme, numb3rs, stargate, sweeney todd, the lost boys, the tribe, zodiac | ] |
Right, because all of you except chibimarchy are losers, there is only one answer for the meme I did a couple of weeks ago. Seriously you guys, epic fail.
The list of fifteen names was:
Lucas Buck (American Gothic)
Dr Matt (American Gothic)
Ray (In Bruges)
Todd (Stargate Atlantis)
Jake Green (Jericho)
Ben Hawkins (Carnivale)
Agent Booth (Bones)
Sweeney Todd (Sweeney Todd)
David (Lost Boys)
Micheal (Lost Boys)
KC (the Tribe)
Ebony (the Tribe)
Jordan Collier (4400)
Paul Avery (Zodiac)
Don Eppes (Numb3rs)
And the one and only question was:
You decide to pair two and eleven in a super-hot smut fic. Where does the 'action' take place?
I would like to point out for the record that I would never, ever write Dr Matt/Ebony, as that is sick and wrong even for me, but if I was going to, it would go something like this:
After Megas' bioweapon renders the City uninhabitable, Ebony, sick of Amber and Trudy always stealing her menfolk, decides to strike out on her own. She makes her way to Trinity, which has escaped the Virus unscathed (as Lucas and Merlyn do not hold with plagues they didn't bring about themselves). Being Ebony, she immediately sizes up the power structure in town and, with Selina sullying herself with Dr Billy, makes herself Lucas's newest go-to wench.
Meanwhile Caleb, prompted by Merlyn, has left Trinity and thrown in his lot with some South Carolinian tribesters. Lucas, faced with the prospect of handing his mantle over to the Gailbaby, is trying to locate him and drag him back by force. He suspects Dr Matt knows where Caleb is, but Dr Matt is still pretty pissed about being thrown into the Crazy House for Boys and isn't saying jack. So he dispatches Ebony on some mission-of-mercy-come-femme-fatale-seduction-fest in an effort to wheedle the information out of him. Hot sex ensues against the padded walls of Dr Matt's crazy-cell.
I don't know what happens after that, but it probably ends with Lucas and Ebony engaging in an all-out power struggle for control of Trinity. They'd be pretty evenly matched - Lucas has the power to make things happen, and Ebony, well... she's Ebony. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2008|10:13 pm] |
Hah! I just finished watching that episode of the Tribe where Jack and Dal set up the alarm for the first time and Bray sets it off, and Lex is all, "You are under arrest!" and then Amber comes along and tells them they are all stupid and to go to bed and Bray is like, "But don't you want to interrogate me?" and I'm not kidding, he says it in this really pervy voice and gives Lex a dead saucy wink, and then he looks totally disappointed when it doesn't happen. DUDES I AM TELLING THE TRUTH YOU CAN SEE JACK LAUGHING ABOUT IT IN THE BACKGROUND.
Now I'm watching the one where they have to get nice food for Zandra and Lex's wedding feast and they go out to the farm and meet Alice for the first time, and Lex wants to get cider for his stag night but he has nothing to trade and Alice is all, "How will you make it worth my while?" and then she gives him this look like, IZ RAEP TIEM NAOW PLZ? and Lex is all like, HO NOES I IZ GETTING MARRIED! and Alice is like, "Shame." Then she steals his virtue CD. Bray fumes. Jack laughs. Dal is disgusted by everyone.
In other news, here is some Pointy/Todd porn. You know you want that shit. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 17th, 2008|11:46 pm] |
Fucking hell, I hate my job. My manager just denied me a payrise because, I shit you not, apparently I'm too negative. I just felt like saying, of course I'm negative, have you failed to notice what a completely fucking awful job this is? And despite how incredibly soul-destroyingly shit it is, I still completely kill at it, so in fact you should be kissing my ass for being awesome and not going on a kill-rampage through the call centre. And also, do you really think keeping me on my current pittance is the way to get me to cheer the fuck up? Because being poor doesn't exactly help me stay perky, fucknuts!
I bet Todd would have given me a raise. Or killed me. Either way, sweet relief. |
|
|
| VOTE TODD! |
[Sep. 15th, 2008|11:04 pm] |
So anyway, as I was saying before I got distracted by the unexpected WONDERFULNESS of the Lost Boys 2, I'm starting a campaign to get Todd elected as Prime Minister of Britain. Obviously, I will expect all of you to join me in my mission, but not through my usual methods of threatening and insulting. Oh no, this time I will persuade you with the force of my SUPERIOR LOGIC!
...except I got bored of writing things, so I made a poster instead. BE INSPIRED!
I was going to make one that had him pointing with the caption "Your country needs YOU... for food," but I couldn't draw a pointing hand.
Anyway, although my immense skill as an artist should be enough to win you over, here is the quick version of why Todd should be Prime Minister:
- While he is without doubt a parasite who lives from draining the life out of others, this does not actually make him any different to any other British political figure at this time. You all knew I was going to make that point, so don't look suprised.
- There are too many dolees, old people, retards and general scratters out there. I have to talk to most of them on a daily basis. If he eats them all, my job will get easier and we can spend taxpayers money on cool things like lasers instead of benefits for scrouging pikeys.
- He actually consults his people before getting them involved in illegal wars, listens to what they say, and if they refuse to participate, lets them go on their merry life-sucking way.
- He has a space ship. MORE THAN ONE!
- He never lets his people become the bitch of any other country, civilization or fucked-up hybridized Michealthings. Unlike the British government, who have succesffuly turned England into Americas zipper-mouthed gimp. I'm just sayin', Todd wouldn't stand for that shit.
- He has a cool beard. Does David Cameron have a cool beard? I don't think so.
And I know some of you are thinking, "Okay Froodle, you're very blase about letting him eat all the people you hate, but you wouldn't be so sanguine if it was you on the end of his bitin' hand," so let me just point out that I work in customer service, which is remarkably similar to having the life sucked out of you except worse because you don't ever die! Plus at least if I was Wraithchow, I wouldn't have to pay rent or utilities on my own snug little cocoon, and I wouldn't have to talk on the 'phone while I was waiting to be eaten. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 13th, 2008|11:37 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, adam baldwin, american werewolf in paris, blood and chocolate, brendan fraser, christian bale, colin farrel, corey feldman, cursed, daddy winchester, dawsons freak, dead man on campus, deadwood, denzel washington, edward james olmos, edward norton, gabriel byrne, gerard butler, heroes, history boys, hugh jackman, ian mcshane, idina menzel, idris elba, jack nicholson, james remar bitches, james spader, keiffer sutherland, liam neeson, liam neeson is god, rome, russel crowe, stargate, supernatural, swat, the coreys, the downey, the lost boys, the lost boys 2, the wire, todd for prime minister, van helsing, weekenders, werewolves yay, wizard of oz, wolf, zodiac | ] |
Oh God, you guys! I was going to write a post here about how we should all vote for Todd as our next Prime Minister, and then maybe let him eat our old government once he wins (landslide victory, running on a "wearing black leather and eating people" platform) but I just watched Lost Boys 2: the Tribe, and oh, it was beautiful beyond words! I mean, okay, I got a bit annoyed with the gratuitous titty shots, but all of those people died, so that's okay. Andandand Corey Feldman! And make sure you watch the credits and the alternate scenes and just generally revel in how completely unexpectedly WONDERFUL it is.
Don't watch the music videos, though. They are lame.
Also, if anyone wants to earn my undying love, they will write Lost Boys 2 porn. Any pairing, I don't even care, I love them all so much.
In news that involves neither vampires nor imaginary life-sucking aliens running for office, I am very displeased with the non-studliness of the actors being cast to play werewolves over the last two decades. I mean, Jack Nicholson and Hugh Jackman, I can totally understand, but James Spader? The French guy from SWAT? Josh from Dead Man on Campus? Fucking Pacey?!* Also, how is Jack Nicholson versus James Spader in any way a contest? I could kick the shit out of James Spader. Scooter the Happy Pony could kick the shit out of James Spader. So could a small bundle of twigs and your daddy. Working seperately. For the edification of future film-makers, I have compiled a list of actors who have a level of studliness adequate for playing a werewolf**. Read it, learn it, live it.
Colin Farrel
Daddy Winchester
Ian McShane
Adam Baldwin
Edward James Olmos
James Remarr
Edward Norton
Keifer Sutherland
Idina Menzel (yes, just as it is possible for a man to be man-pretty, it is possible for a woman to be girl-studly)
Liam Neeson
Colin Farrel (so studly, he gets listed twice)
Idris Elba
Omar
Russel Crowe
Seth Bullock
Joe Flanigan
Christian Bale
Jordan Collier (Shawn can be his little werewolf bitch in this case)
Mark Anthony
Nathan Petrelli
Robert Downey Jnr (Jake Gyllenhaal can be his little werewolf bitch)
Denzel Washington
Gabriel Byrne
Ryan O'Reilly
Gerard Butler
Brendan Fraser
Scripps
As you can see, there are plenty of studly actors to choose from when making your werewolf movie. So please stop casting little wussy he-bitches unless they're Shawn from the 4400 or Robert Greysmith from Zodiac. Actually, if anyone wants to do a werewolf sequel to Zodiac, replete with Paul/Robert sexin', I will sell you my first-born child.
*Uh, those last two are seperate issues, I didn't mean it as "Josh from Dead Man on Campus fucking Pacey". Cooper would cut Pacey like the little bitch that he is, were that the case.
**Where I didn't know, or just couldn't be bothered to look up, an actors name, I just listed him under a character name. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2008|10:09 am] |
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! NO CARSON NO! *sad cries* |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2008|08:58 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | american gothic, angel, black sheep, college of knowledge, dancing is for retards, dark knight, family von froodle, gary cole, halloween, heath ledger, highlander, liam neeson is god, lucas buck, nurse!joker, paintshop silliness, roar, stargate, the tribe, zombies | ] |
Wow, I suck at updating. In my defence though, I have been extremely distracted by a combination of Roar and Stargate Atlantis - in the episode I'm watching right now, Ronan has just invented a game where the sole purpose is to give him an excuse for grabbing Johns ass. And Sheppards just like, okay, that's a totally believable game, I'll go along with it. I mean, really. When I was in college, we did this whole bit on consent obtained by deception, and there was one case about a music teacher who touched up (euphamism for something much worse I don't want to go into this early in the morning) his students under the pretence that it would improve their singing. I always used to wonder how anyone could be that naive, and now I know - they were all related to John Sheppard.
Anyway, leaving aside random military dudes who don't even know when they're being molested, Roar is so... okay, it's like what would happen if Highlander and the Tribe had a baby - it's so poor, but at the same time, it has so much leather-clad Heath, and therefore it's really hard for me to form a definate opinion. And then there are a couple of really great episodes, not to mention a few scenes where you can totally tell it's done by the same guy who did American Gothic, and therefore at least temporarily awesome. Unfortunately, Longinus and Diana, the nominal baddies, are clearly meant to be cast from the same mould as Lucas and Selina, and they completely fail to measure up. Especially Longinus, who frankly is a whingy little Roman bitch. I kind of like Diana, though, if only because she shares my hatred for dance.
On the subject of how much I hate dance, Mama Froodle came to visit again last week - it was pretty enjoyable, apart from the part where she forced me to go to the ballet. Let me just state again - I HATE DANCE. Especially ballet, which is just a bunch of underfed white boys flailing around like spastics who've gone off their medication. It was like - you know that episode of Angel where they go to Pylea, and Lorne is explaining that they have no music, but unfortunately they still have dancing, and then Numquar does the dance of joy in complete silence? It was like that, for three hours. I only survived because I started fantasizing about shooting everyone onstage in their kneecaps. Fortunately, as with all great artists, pain and suffering leads to creativity, so I give you ( Read more... )
In other news, seven weeks 'til Halloween, yay! ASDA have already put their decorations and things out - this year they have a really cool skeleton in a hanging cage, and when you press a button the skeleton shouts and rattles the bars and tries to escape, and an awesome jug in the shape of a skull. I also got a set of four really cute votive candle holders decorated with bats which arrived today (hence why I'm up so early). Also, fair warning to anyone attending Casa Del Froodle this year who plans on turning up in a Nurse!Joker costume - I will try to grab your ass. I promise I won't pretend it's some lame homoeroticized version of Capture The Flag, though. Seriously, Ronan. Fail. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 29th, 2006|10:02 pm] |
The problem with watching Deadwood is that, awesome as it is, it makes anything else you watch look unbelievably trashy by comparison. It's like, say you watch some Deadwood, and then the next night you catch a couple of episodes of SG1, and all you can think of is that Al Swearengen would have solved all their problems ten minutes into the episode using only whores, liquor, card games and the occaisonal slit throat. And then he would slap Daniel for being whiny and self-pitying and tell him to get a haircut, and it would be totally awesome. But my point is, it's not really fair to expect the same standard of greatness from other people that you get from Ian McShane. It's like the first time you see Johnny Depp in something, and you realise it is possible for someone to be utterly gorgeous and a fantastic actor, and ever after you're just a little disappointed by everyone else. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 25th, 2006|10:26 pm] |
Man, it was bugging the shit out of me that I couldn't remember where I'd seen the woman in the recording Mal and co. find on Miranda, and I just realised, she's Miss Isringhausen from Deadwood. Although personally, I find it hard to believe that a woman who can stand up, unaided, to the machinations of Al Swearengen while also having the self-control not to beat the shit out of Alma Garrett every time she opens her bitch mouth, isn't a match for a bunch of Reavers. According to the IMDB, she was also the hooker that pretended to have the stigmata during one episode of Nip/Tuck, although I only vaguley remember her, being more focused on what a complete asshole Sean was being about the Church in that episode.
And in completely unrelated news, oh my God Murdock is in an episode of SG1! And he wears glittery slippers and yells at Jack and it's way, way too funny and then he gets all narked off about people ruining his garden and Jack's like, "Heh", but all Daniel does is moan about his parents getting squashed by an obviously made-of-rubber monument thingie falling on them. God, Daniel, do you have to whine every time someone close to you dies? Jackass. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2006|09:46 pm] |
Oh my God! I totally won a trip to Scotland in this prize-draw thingie at work today. So completely awesome! Of course, it's not until the last week in September (deliberately picked to avoid all the screeching hellbrats that abound in summer) but still - totally fucking awesome.
In other news, it has come to my attention that certain people of my aquaintence are dirty, dirty RPS fangirls. We were discussing the "merits" - and I use sarcastic quote marks - of OTH, and I said something to the effect that the only thing keeping me interested were the vague hope that someone is going to swing for Nathans-Meen-and-Fugly-Dad-who-by-the-way-is-Lame-and-a-Total-Has-Been and the whole Nathan/Lucas slashiness, and she said that what I was seeing was the fallout from the fact that the actors who play Nathan and Lucas are attracted to each other in real life. Then I asked how anyone could tell, since the guy playing Lucas doesn't act, he just squints, and we decided he must be related to Micheal Shanks, since Daniel conveys emotions entirely through blinking. He's like that crippled dude in that book that I totally didn't finish because it was boring where he dictates everything by batting an eyelid or whatever and I was all like, just being some kind of ubercripple doesn't make you a good writer. Then I went and read some Byron, oh snap I totally went there!
Also, it really makes me mad when people come up to me and do some dumb shit like telling me to smile or cheer up. Fuck off! If I felt like smiling, I'd fucking smile! I mean, what are you, the fucking Good Mood Nazi? Go fuck yourself and stop trying to dictate other people's facial expressions. I was actually in an okay mood until you came along and made me angry by being a patronizing jackass and now I am scowling because I want to rip your heart out and devour it in front of you, you cockmuncher. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 30th, 2006|09:51 pm] |
Whoa, whoa, whoa... Magneto was voiced by Christopher Judge? As in, the Christopher Judge? As in Head?! I think my brain has exploded from the incomprehensibility of ickle Pietro and Teal'c being related. Man, and I thought it was hard taking Kurt and Scott seriously when all I can hear every time they open their mouths is Quatre and Trowa.
In other news, possibly the worst thing about revisiting old fandoms is the fact that all those links you painstakingly amassed back in the day are now mostly defunct, and you're left screaming at the heavens that you want your fucking Lietro porn back right the hell now, do you hear me Liam Neeson?! But then you realise that you can preorder the entire third season on Amazon, and that love, betrayal and Pietro being bitchslapped with an armchair will be yours to own in a relivately short while, and you feel loved once again. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 27th, 2006|09:10 pm] |
If they made a modern-day remake of the A Team, LL Cool J would totally play BA. Richard Dean Anderson would be Hannibal, because hey, Jack O'Neill pretty much was Hannibal for the 90's, Topher Grace would be Murdock, and either Ashton Kutcher or Sean Williams Scott would play Face, depending on whether there was a way to fix Sean Williams Scott's horrible eyebrows.
Also, Bo Duke is not fat, and anyone who says different is going to find parts of their stupid little Spy Puggle strewn all over their bedroom floor when they come back off holiday. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 20th, 2006|11:55 pm] |
I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I started taking an interest in both shows at around the same time, but every now and then I'm struck by the disparity in the was the crew of Galactica and the personell at Stargate Command react to success. I mean, can you imagine if they switched commanding officers for a while? And like, maybe Galactica was running out of washing powder, so they send out Team Raptor and they find a whole planet made of washing powder, and then the Cylons are all, "Rarr no this is our washing powder!" but then Lee and Starbuck save the day through wacky hijinks and they bring the washing powder back to the Fleet, and everyone on Galactica is all like, "Yeah! Woo! YEAH! CLEAN CLOTHES! LET'S ALL JUMP AROUND AND HUG! WOOOOOO!" and General Hammond would just be standing there absolutely fucking horrified.
And then, back at the SGC, the Controllin' Worms are attacking (again) but then SG1 manage to defeat them through a combination of sass and science and... stupid archeological things and the Controllin' Worm ship explodes and Earth is safe and SG1 emerge from the wormhole and the SGC are like, *polite claps* and Adama's there all like, "WTF is wrong with you people?", only in a much more awesome way because dude, he's Commander Adama.
So that had absolutely no relevence to anything whatsoever, and now I'm going to eat cake. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 14th, 2006|09:37 pm] |
You know what I don't get? Clothes are a human concept, right? So why is it, as soon as a lady Controllin' Worm takes a human host, she gets the urge to dress up all skanky-like? I mean, they're basically snakes, the best they can do in way of ornamentation is maybe something in a decorative bracelet-thing. They just don't seem like a species for whom clothing presents a great deal of options.
Of course, I suppose if for the first few millenium of your evolution, you were reduced to occupying the bodies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, once you find a species with smooth skin, opposable thumbs and decorative mammaries, you might be in the mood for a little fun with the eyeliner and gold lamé miniskirts*. So, I'll let them off.
Also, they get bonus cool points for having an early Controllin' Worm voiced by James Earl Jones. That's right, Darth Vader was a Controllin' Worm, proving once again that you don't need limbs to kick ass. Rock on, little Controllin' Worm.
In other news, here is a meme I have stolen from imbeiaiel:
( Pick twenty movies you love. Pick a quote from each. Have people guess. )
*This seems equally true of the male Controllin' Worms. On Apophis it was just disturbing, but I'm in favour of it purely on the basis that Skaara rocked that whole look. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2006|09:42 pm] |
Am sitting here with Leonard Cohen on the stereo, sipping from a Darth Vader head filled with hot chocolate, Baileys and whipped cream, stomach filled with a delicious meal of sausage and mash and fresh from a relaxing bath with scenty-good Lush products. Combined with the fact that I spent all day watching the second season of SG1 and making fun of Daniel's hair, Gay Archeologist Hat and general unbelievable rubbishness, (seriously, is there any situation he can't make worse? Jeez, I thought he was a dork in the later seasons, but clearly the Daniel I knew was merely a pale reflection of the vision of True Dorkiness and Bad Hair that is Early!Daniel) am in a rather good mood. Long may it continue! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2005|11:57 pm] |
I just realised why Anubis's robe and hood looked so familar; he totally nicked if off the Werewolf Syndicate. I mean, okay, I know Controllin' Worm morality isn't comparable to that of human, but stealing the robes from the sole survivor of a group who were massacred by a pair of werewolf-eating vampires? For shame, Anubis. For shame.
In other news, Corey Feldman is hot. This of course is naught but the simple truth, but unfortunatly the (female) lecturer who failed me on my I&A mock looks like a girl version of Corey, and that hurts me in my Fangirlish heart. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 4th, 2005|10:31 pm] |
Jonas is such a crappy replacement for Daniel. "Wow, this scroll is a perfectly preserved example of pre-Dynastic Egyptian! It's beautiful. I guess I'll go dick around with it in a desert with nothing to protect it from getting all dirty and smudged from my sweaty, alien, naquadria-infected, Daniel-killin' hands! Yay!"
Daniel would be turning in his grave, if he hadn't Ascended into a giant glowing Pokemon thing. Even so, he's probably glowing and floating around in a very irate manner. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 26th, 2005|11:39 pm] |
These are officially the cutest damn things in the universe. I want one with like, six eyes and hot pink leopord print skin and two tails and a blue leg.
When I first started watching SG1, I really didn't get the whole Jack/Daniel thing. I think a lot of it had to do witht he fact that I saw the movie, hated it, then decided to give the series a chance at the point in season three just before Sha'ri bites it. Like, literally, about two episodes beforehand. And what with Daniel's incessent whining and grieving and being mean to Head and general annoyingness, it didn't make for a lot of slashy vibes. Plus it kind of made me hate Daniel.
But now, I'm watching season 7 and it's that one where Jack gets all the Ancients knowledge downloaded into his head for the second time and for the first time, I can actually see what everyone is talking about. Because dude, you could see the UST between them. The whole Sam/Jack UST was off throwing a prima donna style hissy fit in the corner because it wasn't the biggest UST diva anymore.
In other news, I really want fish and chips. Why doesn't anybody deliver fish and chips? I think there's a whole untapped market out there.
I was gonna write something about Eerie, Indiana here, but now I'm distracted with fish and chips need. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2005|10:33 pm] |
Jesus, it's cold. My arms feel like they're about to break off from sheer coldness. I bet tomorrow I'll wake up and I'll just be this Anakinesque torso because all my limbs have frozen off in the night. I'll just be a cold, angry head. And I bet I'll still be expected to go to class. Stupid class. Stupid limbs. Stupid Anakin.
And stupid Livejournal for not emailing me my comment notifications!
Oh, and stupid Anubis from SG1 for making what are essentially gross, slimy Stormtroopers who look like dogs. Whatever, Anubis. You think you're the Emperor, but really you're just a fat dude in a cafe somewhere. What. Ever. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2005|11:13 pm] |
Having chosen to combating my current state of ickiness with a delicious stirfry laden with ginger and garlic, a hot bath with olbus oil, a mug of hot chocolate with chili and Stargate, everything was going well until Sam started ranting about "Signs" and the whole thing about superadvanced aliens who are allergic to water not realising that the Earth's surface is more than two-thirds water, and Daniel just makes this face and I laugh so hard my drink comes out of my nose.
Chili powder + nostrils? Not a good combination.
In other news, God bless fic_on_demand, the Holy Grail for smaller fandoms. It's not slash, but it is Eerie, Indiana. Am also highly amused that Jason Marsden was the voice for Binx in Hocus Pocus, but didn't actually play him in human form. I would have loved to see that play out in EI:
Marshall: I remember you... didn;t you used to be a cat?
Dash: What? No! *worried expression* Did I?
Marshall: Yeah, you had this whole thing about virgins and candles...
Dash: *shifty eyes*
I think, all things considered, things could have been a lot worse. I mean, imagine if Dash had wound up in the Stargate: Atlantis-verse; let Pointy get hold of him and the poor kid would be saddled with a name like Joe or Fred or Benji.
Not that Binx is much better, mind you. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2005|09:20 pm] |
Damn you, Smallville. You're like the abusive boyfriend I never had; always smacking me around with your stupid, stupid Lana-centric stories, putting me in the hospital because my sheer rage at Clark's superdickery causes my spleen to rupture, splattering everyone around me with pure venom that melts the skin from their faces... And yet every time I try to break free, you reel me back in with Lex and his Magical Nipples and tales of body-switching Prom Queens and my God, was I the only one in hysterics over Clark stealing Chloe's tiara? "That crown is mine, bitch!" Oh Clark. All you ever wanted to do was be a Prom Queen.
In other news, saw the start of Stargate: Atlantis season 2 over the weekend, and Ronon Dex? Needs a good slap. He is the male equivilent of Busty McMidriff and that alone earns my hatred, but in a universe where mankind are bred like cattle to feed an alien race, who the fuck wears their hair like one of the Wraith? He's like the futuristic version of annoying middle-class white English kids who go around talking and dressing like black ghetto kids. I bet he crashes Wraith houseparties and is all like, "What up. G? Word to my homies!" and the Wraith are like, "Who the fuck is this jerk? Oh well. Let's put a tracker on him and hunt him for sport!"
You know who I really hate? That fucking monkey from the Coco Pops advert. There's this one where he and some stupid punk skater racoon are at some stupid punk skater concert for stupid punk skaters, and there are these rats playing and the fucking monkey is going on about how much they suck, like he could do any better with his shitty jungle friends (and why the fuck is he mates with a racoon, anyway? Racoons don't live in the jungle! Fuck you, Coco Pop monkey!) so then he and the shitty racoon decide to forcefeed some Coco Pops to the rats, and the rats teeth all break and Coco Monkey is like "What are they so ratty about?" Probably the fact that you broke all their teeth with your shitty cereal, jerk!
Man, I hate that monkey. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 13th, 2005|10:19 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | bsg, dukes of hazzard, escaflowne, hornblower, ickle midshipman archie, jamie bamber, joss whedon, phantom of the opera, poto, serenity, stargate | ] |
Those of you who are familiar with Escaflowne: Zaibach Strikes Back Stargate: Atlantis should all go here and download the most awesome music video known to man. Boy, those Wraith sure do love Pointy. For my part, although Bob definatly has the rugged bad-boy vibe down, with his dreads and manly strut and facial tattoos, Steve is the one I'd bring home to meet my parents. You know, if I didn't think he'd eat them.
The new Battlestar Galactica makes me sad. Mostly, I suspect, because I want Apollo to be some kind of Ickle Midshipman Archie In Space, and instead he's just some whiny whiner guy who happens to look like Ickle Midshipman Archie but with muscles and non-cute hair. And no Welsh Bloke to slash it up with.
In other news, went to see Dukes of Hazzard last week. It was very enjoyable (though Stifler!Bo is not a patch on real!Bo, and Sean Williams-Scott annoys me by having eyebrows that don't match his hair), but they showed the Serenity trailer right before it and so was overshadowed by OMFG SERENITY TRAILER SQUEE! Space! Pirate-cowboys! Indecently tight pants! Jayne! Waistcoats! Jayne! Vera! Jayne! Ninjas! Jayne! And did I mention... Jayne! I do love me some Jayne.
Also, the 40 Year Old Virgin looks to be the lamest film since... some other lame film that I made fun of but have forgotten about. Seriously, if I wanted to see a film about a middle aged guy who can't get any tail, I'd go and watch Phantom of the Opera again. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 29th, 2005|11:39 pm] |
Alan and Jess came over tonight. They ended up watching about half an episode of Smallville, since it was on when they arrived. I don't think they were very impressed...
Alan: You are such a geek. How can you make fun of me for watching Stargate when you watch bloody Superman?
Froodle: He's not Superman yet and anyway, Smallville's good.
Candyman on Smallville: WHERE'S THE ELEVATOR?!
Alan and Jess: *hysterics*
Froodle: Shut up.
Alan: They have a whole episode about not being able to find an elevator, come on!
Froodle: Shut up.
Jess: You're only watching this because the box has a picture of a shirtless bloke all tied up on the cover.
Froodle: Shut up!
*later*
Big Daddy Luthor: *arrives*
Jess: Aaaahahahaa, he looks like Geriatric Fabio!
Big Daddy Luthor: *tosses his fabulous mane of hair*
Alan: Here comes the science part; concentrate!
Jess: You know he only keeps it that long to annoy Lex.
Alan: Yeah, I bet when Lex was a kid he'd come down for breakfast and his dad would be like, "Oh, I'm having such a bad hair day... oh, hi Lex."
Jess: And Lex would be like, *sob*
Alan: He's lucky, I would have made him wear a wig. Like, for fuck's sake, nobody wants to see your naked head!
Froodle: You know, this is how kids grow up to be evil supervillians.
*later still*
Clark: GET TO THE ELEVATOR!
Alan: What the fuck? There is no elevator! Has he not been paying attention? That was like, the entire point.
Jess: Oh, they found it in the end. It was behind a wall.
Alan: What the... okay, why can't he pull that guy up even though he's Superman?
Froodle: The guy is made from Kryptonite.
Alan: This is retarded.
Froodle: You're retarded!
Alan: He can't even fly, what the hell. Boo!
Jess: And why is he saving Lex Luthor?
Froodle: Because they're boyfriends.
Jess: I knew there was a reason you watched this.
Froodle: ...shut up!
Later we put Red Dwarf on while we made dinner; it was one of the ones with the line about Rimmer adding "BSc" every time he signed his name and it standing for Bronze Swimming Certificate:
Alan: Oh man, can't you just imagine James doing that?
Froodle: Are you fucking kidding me? I bet he adds "LLB (Hons)" to everything he writes now. Even like, Christmas cards and credit card slips.
Jess: Do we even know what LLB stands for?
Froodle: No idea. Probably a Latin tag for "Baccalaureate of Law" or something.
Alan: At least you have something cool to go after your names. I'm just going to be "DIP".
Froodle: You sound like a sidekick in a superhero comic. "Dip Man".
Jess: You have a little symbol on your chest of a bowl of dip with a crisp sticking out of it.
Alan: Until some lazy parents get all whiny about their fatass kids and make me change it to low-fat dip with a stick of celery.
Froodle: That's way too phallic. You try that in America, the religious right will crucify you.
Alan: Fuck them then, I just won't save them from my enemies.
Jess: You could have Doritos instead of throwing stars, and an advert like, "Does your party need something extra? Call DIPMAN, for all your Sour Cream and Chive needs!"
Froodle: And an underground lair with like, a giant Fondue set.
Jess: Do you think you can insure underground lairs? I mean, if I was like, Batman, and some asshole blew up my Batcave, I'd be so annoyed if I couldn't get the insurance to cover it.
Froodle: Yeah, but if you were Batman you'd be super-rich anyway.
Jess: Batman can't be super-rich. That's for Supermans. Batmans have to be like, Batrich.
Froodle: Do they go to the Batbank to draw out a couple of hundred Batdollars?
Jess: Yes.
Alan: *sadly* I wish I had some Dipdollars.
Froodle: Well, insure the Dipcave and then get some enemies to blow it up for you.
Finally we watched Mansfield Park, which is much improved by pretending all the characters are in fact characters from Revenge of the Sith. Fanny is Anakin; Edmund is Obi-Wan; the Crawfords are Sith Lords; Ickle Midshipman William, while not actually in the film, is Padme; Lady Bertram is Yoda; Sir Thomas is Mace Windu and Mr Rushworth, of course, is Jar Jar. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|12:43 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | angel, anthony stewart head, buffy, colin farrel, family von froodle, highlander, hunchback of notre dame, jason issacs, kingdom hospital, phantom of the opera, poto, quasimodo, stargate | ] |
Jason Isaacs, Anthony Stewart Head and that guy who played Daniel on Stargate SG-1 have all made appearances on Highlander, along with the guy who was Ray in Sister Sister (shut up, okay?) and the woman who was Lona Massingale in Kingdom Hospital. I have whiplash from so many double-takes.
Called Johnny today (mostly to gloat, I confess) and was amazed at some of the random things he remembers. Like Darius. I'd completely forgotten Darius, though according to Johnathan I cried when he died:
Froodle: Are you sure you're not thinking of the time Tessa died?
Johnny: One of them's a blonde French woman, the other's a Catholic German monk. I think I'd remember.
Froodle: Well I don't. Weird, huh? I'm just upset he didn't turn out to be the Darius of Guagamela fame.
Johnny: Are you kidding? If he had been, you would have spent all the time he was onscreen being like, "Nyah-nyah, Colin Farrell kicked your arse!"
Froodle: No I... okay, yeah I would.
Johnny: So who do you think would win, Duncan or Colin Farrell?
Froodle: Is Colin Farrell an Immortal?
Johnny: Yes.
Froodle: *thinks* No, I reckon Duncan would still win.
Johnny: Yeah. But what about Angel and Duncan?
Froodle: Why would they fight in the first place? They'd probably go off to have a quiet drink and angst about their lost loves and annoying sidekicks together. Angelus, on the other hand...
Johnny: That wouldn't even be a contest. Duncan would be all, "Holy ground! Safe!" and Angelus would be like, "Decapitation!"
Froodle: Hee! Oh, oh, do you remember that episode with the Immortal that lived under the Paris Opera House?
Johnny: What like, Highlander meets Phantom of the Opera? Now there's a mindboggling concept.
Froodle: Well, he was more Quasimodo than Erik. What with the shambling and the not being a crazed psychotic killer.
Johnny: I think I do - there was a whole thing with wildflowers and that black woman with crazy earrings?
Froodle: Aye, that's the one.
Johnny: Oooh, it's like the Hunchback of Notre Dame and the Phantom of the Opera had a baby. I wonder which of them got pregnant.
Froodle: ...could you not say that Ever again?
Johnny: Heehee!
Froodle: Urgh! Moving swiftly on, d'you reckon Duncan or Erik would win in a fight?
Johnny: Is he pregnant?
Froodle: AUGH SHUT UP WHY!
Johnny: Heeheehee! But, um, probably Erik, because he'd cheat and blow up the arena or something, and then cut off Duncan's head while he's still trying to find his missing arms.
Froodle: Yeah, Erik's a sneaky bastard.
Johnny: Plus, you know, he lost to Raoul in a fair fight, so clearly Duncan could kick his arse in a straight-up sword match.
Froodle: I bet he could beat Richie, though.
Johnny: Oh man, now I want to see Richie and Raoul duke it out.
Froodle: Battle of the shitty hair!
Johnny: Richie gets a five-point penalty for being ginger.
Froodle: Hahah, gutted!
Johnny: Okay, okay, final thing: Angelus vs Erik.
Froodle: Angelus. He's like, master of the psychological torment.
Johnny: Man, Erik just sucks all over the place today.
Froodle: Well, at least he beat Richie. And Angelus is impossible to beat unless you're Buffy.
Johnny: What if Erik dressed up as Buffy?
Froodle: Angelus has a nervous breakdown at the horror of it all, and Erik puts a stake through his heart while he's screaming and clawing at his own eyes.
Johnny: The wardrobe of Buffy is a powerful weapon.
Froodle: Deadly, in the wrong hands.
I love my crazy brother. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
froodle's journal