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"I do not peddle flesh. I sell dreams."
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[Oct. 13th, 2009|11:10 pm] |
Did anyone else watch My Own Worst Enemy? Does anyone else kind of love it? Not only has Christian Slater finally got a role that requires him to look hot, kill people and then monologue snarkily about it (which is something he hasn't had a chance to do since around 1988) but it has Dudley Smith! Everything is automatically a thousand times better with Dudley Smith, especially when he's a bit dodgy and manipulative and questionably Irish.
Also Raymond. I love Raymond, he's so mean. I love how he is completely dismissive of Henry. Like Henry will wake up and ask a perfectly reasonable question like, "Why are we in Russia?" or "Why are dudes shooting at us?" and Raymond just rolls his eyes like Henry's the dumbest thing he's ever witnessed, and then Henry is all OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU NOT MY NICE FRIEND TOM?! and Raymond is like SERIOUSLY I WILL SHOOT YOU IN YOUR FACE IF YOU KEEP TALKING TO ME LOSER! and Henry is all WAHH LIFE IS HARD NOW I WILL GO AND CRY IN A CORNER! and Raymond is all grouchy and snotty about it but he saves him anyway and dudes, it's pretty beautiful.
Supernatural is also slightly beautiful. I just watched the episode after Castiel comes back from getting a bollocking in Heaven about, well, basically about having become Dean's little gay angel bitch, let's face it, and Dean's all, OH MY GOD DO AS I SAY and Castiel's like OH MY GOD YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME DEAN WINCHESTER! and then he storms out in a huff and Dean's just like, WTF DICKHEAD! and then in the end Castiel comes back and does exactly what Dean asked him to in the first place.
Oh Castiel. Dean is quite clearly the boss of you. |
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[Sep. 13th, 2009|10:38 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | alexander, american psycho, antonio banderas, batbale, black sheep, blood ties, christian bale, colin farrel, david boreanaz, jared leto, johnny depp, moonlight, my so-called life, outrageous fortune, snithy, supernatural, the dave, the tribe, true blood, vampires yay, werewolves yay, zombies | ] |
Dudes, Outrageous Fortune is so good, I am completely amazed by both its non-shoddiness and its entire lack of ridiculous facepaint and zombie sheep. Also, Antonia Prebble can actually act* (and is a bit hot too), the psycho peadophile bootcamp instructor who debauches Lex is kind of awesome and likable and not a creepy violent child-molester at all and Van is so adorable, oh my God, there should be a show that is just Van and Munter running around being stoned and ineffective and beautiful.
Also, and totally unrelated, Jared Leto so needs a new show. He's pretty, and all of my favourite shows have either ended or started to suck in the not-fun way, and his band is fucking awful, so clearly he needs to be back on television. Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of myself and El Snithador, we have been unable to come up with the perfect vehicle for Jared Leto's particular brand of prettiness and indeterminate acting abilities.
I think the problem is that the stuff he's been in doesn't really give us a handle on what he can and can't do. I mean, let's break down Jared Leto's key strengths, as demonstrated in his most memorable roles:
- My So-Called Life: He plays Jordan Catalano, a role that consists of leaning against things and making goo-goo eyes at Claire Danes. Oh, and Brian in that one really strange episode where the show went all Cyrano on us.
- American Psycho: Christian Bale hits him in the face with an axe. Everyone laughs. Yes, it was fucking hilarious, but it seems like Batbale did all the work in that scene.
- Alexander: He wears a lot of eyeliner and follows Colin Farrell around while gazing at him in adoration. This isn't actually acting at all, as everyone has that reaction to Colin Farrell. Don't believe me? Watch the extras, Oliver Stone does the exact same thing every time Colin is on set.
So, what we need is a show that allows him to be pretty and a bit gay, without having to keep up with any actors who are prettier or more talented than him and without requiring to do anything too difficult, like excessive emoting or long speeches. I've also ruled out the following things:
- No shows about vampires. There's no point doing anything with vampires while True Blood is on the air, because Alan Ball is just going to laugh at us and pee in our faces. If this was a couple of years ago when all we had to contend with was Moonlight and Blood Ties, it would be different, but True Blood will outclass us and make us look bad.
- No shows with Colin Farrell, Johnny Depp, Antonio Banderas, the Dave or Daddy Winchester. They're all hotter and/or better at acting than Jared, and that's not allowed.
- No shows about werewolves. Jared is a girly pretty-boy, and there have been enough non-manly werewolves in the past without him adding to their degradation.
Anything else is fair game, and so I open the floor to suggestions. Jared fights crime? Jared does crime? Jared is in space? Pitch your ideas in the comments, post them in your own LJ, make them an entry on 30SecondsToMarsSuckMonkeyBalls: go nuts! Let's start the Jared Leto TV Revival, and bring passable good looks and mediocre talent back to our screens where he belongs!
*Michelle Ang, however, cannot. |
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[Jul. 12th, 2009|10:30 am] |
Well dudes, I am writing this on a windy Sunday morning, sitting on a penthouse balcony overlooking all of Leeds and fighting the urge - no doubt caused by having watched the Goonies at a tender age - to make puking noises and then pour some gross shit over the people walking below me.
The Family von Froodle has descended upon Yorkshire and rather than make an ill-advised attempt to cram more than one person and three rabbits into my homey hovel, we have rented a top-floor apartment in the Chambers in Park Place.
And dudes, it is epic. When you walk in, the foyer is all marblelicious and there's "tasteful" displays of modern art in all the alcoves (note: these are not alcoves suitable for hidin' when employed in the killin' of dudes, these are alcoves for the tasteful displayin' of tasteful modern art) and there's a twenty-four hour concierge service and, dudes, if you want a DVD or some groceries or whatever, you just ring down to reception and they go and get it for you! How awesome is that!
And the apartment itself is even more awesome - it's got floor to ceiling windows on all the outside walls, and a balcony that runs all the way around and has blue spotlights in the floor that you can turn on at night, and sliding doors in each room that open on to the balcony and one of those jzacuzzi-baths and hardwood floors and lights in the wardrobe that come on when you open the door and a TV in the bathroom.
And oh, my God, the TVs! They are so big, I think they are giving me AIDS. AIDS causes you to want to steal stuff, right? I was watching SGA last night (on DVD, but it was my DVD that I brought with me, not a DVD I randomly made the reception dude run out and get for me because that would make me feel uncomfortable and jerklike) and, okay, Joe Flannigan and Major Lorne are beautiful even on my small old-school piece of shit TV, but in 40-inch hi-def with surround sound, their combined beauty is enough to melt your face.
I always make fun of James for working ridiculously long hours, figuring that nothing could make a seventy-hour week worthwhile, but when I see this place, how some people live, I can understand it a little bit better. Don't get me wrong, my character flaws are such that I am a lot more lazy than I am materialistic, but I do get it a bit now.
Anyway, we went to see Dreamboats and Petticoats on Friday and it was marvellous - it's about this dude who enters a song-writing competition, and his writing partner is in love with him, only he is in love with this slutty hot chick, who is in love with this slutty hot guy who, and this is the most important thing, was played by a total bargin basement Jensen Ackles. And it was all set in the fifties and there were awesome old-school rock and roll songs and those beautiful circle dresses and it was made of win. And! Nobody even died or exploded or shot some dudes, and I still loved it, so that should tell you how great it was.
Anyway, Mama Froodle just got out of the shower so I'm going to put the laptop aside and go see what the plan is for the rest of the day. Later days! |
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[May. 22nd, 2009|01:18 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | bones, james purefoy, jeremy renner, job of doom, moonlight, nip/tuck, people make me sick, rome, supernatural, torchwood, true blood | ] |
Do you think that if I could get a doctor to certify me as being wanktard-intolerent, I could go on permanent medical leave and never work again? Because pretty much all jobs are going to involve some level of wanktardery, and if it was possible I might die from it, they'd pretty much have to pay me incapacity benefit or something, right? That would be awesome.
What is decidedly not awesome is when some numbnuts decides to pull me away from my massive workload in order to "talk to you all about NPS." Dick, I know what NPS is. I am part of the motherfucking trial. I am at my desk every day calling these jizzstain customers back and recording their moronic comments verbatim. I do not need a fucking presentation on your lameass board with it's lameass charts. I MADE THE FUCKING CHARTS! I KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN, DILHOLE! And it especially pisses me off when I am subjected to their idiotic attempt at a peptalk. I do not respond well to peptalks. I don't respond well to pep. In particular, I do not respond well to peptalks about how a certain thing is working fabulously when I know that is not the case because, and pay attention here, I AM PART OF THE GODDAMN TRIAL TEAM! Do not fucking lie to me, I am by nature both smart and cynical, and when someone shines shit and tries to call it gold it makes me very fucking cranky indeed!
Urgh!
In other news, I think there should be a show that is made up of characters who are either too good for their original show or who wound up being screwed over on it. Lafayette from True Blood and T-Bear from Supernatural would be the stars and they would fight crime, in between T-Bear's bouts of crying and attempting to kill himself and Lafayette's secondary but much for lucrative career as a go-go dancer. Josef from Moonlight would be the local crime kingpin - he'd sort of be their stated enemy, but really it would be one of those relationships where they have a grudging kind of respect for each other and sometimes Josepf would help them out dealing with other, baddier baddies. The main baddie would be the Carver from Nip/Tuck, only back when the Carver was still really fucking terrifying, before we found out it was just dumb old Quentin behind the mask. Zack Addy would be the adorkable gender-ambiguous lab assistant nature always intended him to be, and everyone would keep a stern eye on him to make sure it stayed that way. Mark Anthony would pop up every now and then as a time-travelling manwhore/adventurer - a bit like Jack Harkness only not rubbish or in Wales. Also, Jeremy Renner would get to be in it all the time and not die. |
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[May. 11th, 2009|10:26 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | addams family, antonio banderas, brad pitt, christian slater, coraline, hairspray, halloween, hugh jackman, i am sick, i hate ben affleck, interview with a vampire, job of doom, nbx, neil gaiman, people make me sick, supernatural, the wire, tim burton, tom cruise, xmen | ] |
God, there are some right divs at the House of Gas. The fire alarm went off today and, I kid you not, our fire warden stood there in the middle of the corridor, blocking the way, bleating about whether or not we knew where the assembly point for our call centre was in the event of a fire. I was like, "Hmm, is it perchance outside of the burning building?" How do these people make it to adulthood? Fuckwad.
Anyway, some important points to note:
- The Wolverine movie is beautiful. It's a bit soap-opera-ish with the evil long lost brother thing and of course it has Gambit in (boo!) but really, this is about Hugh Jackman wearing leather and lots of hairspray, and a flimsy excuse for a plot strung together wuth awesomely choreographed fight scenes.
- Hairspray has a bit wrecked the earlier X-Men movies for me. Well, not X3, that one came pre-wrecked. But now I cannot look at Cyclops without seeing Corny Collins and wanting him to dance and sing and be massively inappropriate on a daytime kids TV show. And then I feel sad when it doesn't happen.
- If the Wolverine movie is beautiful, then Coraline is even more beautiful. I cannot describe the wonder. Go watch!
- I love the movie version of Interview with the Vampire. I sometimes forget how much I love it because I'm a bit shallow and there's nobody I really think is hot in there,* and also nowadays it's a bit tainted from the combined batshittery of Tom Cruise and Anne Rice, but I was watching it on Sunday and as soon as I heard those first few bars in the opening sequence, all my love for it came rushing back.
- The first half of the fourth season of Supernatural is semi-awesome. That's not the same as being full-on good, by the way. It's like, a bit good. There's a lifesized walking, talking, suicidal teddy bear (awesome), a stubbly angel who's a bit gay for Dean (awesome), an episode which is basically Supernatural does the Universal Studios Monster Mash (awesome to the power of a sideways eight thing) and BUNNY! Unfortunately, there's also creepy Padaleckisex, the stubbly angel isn't as stubbly or as overtly gay for Dean as I feel he could be, and Bunny is really mean. To like, everyone. Oh Bunny, how have we come to this? Also, there were these totally mean witches who tried to ruin Halloween for everyone. Boo, mean witches! You're lucky it was only Sam and Dean that showed up to punish you with guns. If Jack Skellington had been there, then you'd be sorry.
- I had better have pig flu! I feel like shit and the only thing keeping me from curling up and dying in misery is the thought that I am actively spreading a contagion that will wipe out billions of humans. If this turns out just to be a bad cold, I will be pissed.
- The Assassination of Jesse James is soooooooo booooring. Casey Affleck may be mildly less hideous than his sibling, but they are both gaping voids in the fabric of the universe, into which any semblence of talent or charisma is dragged, screaming, into the darkness, ne'er to return. Also, it is so badly directed, they have to have some random narrate what's going on in every scene.
Anyway, I think that's all the important life lessons I learnt this week - I trust you will all take them on board and be enriched by my wisdom. I'm going to watch the Wire and bemoan Bunny's fall from grace. Oh Bunny!
*Okay, it has Christian Slater, but he's in it for like ten minutes, and althoughg Antonio Banderas is normally hot, let's face it, white base and a Morticia Addams wig are not a good look for him. |
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[Apr. 15th, 2009|02:34 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, billy campbell, buffy, heroes, i hate bugs, i hate clowns, shark, simpsons, smallville, stargate, supernatural, x-files | ] |
Do you guys know why the 4400 is better than pretty much every sci-fi/fantasy/horror show ever? It's not because it has Billy Campbell bringing heaven to earth (if the suckfest that was Shark proved anything, it is that not even Billy Campbell can rescue a show that is otherwise dire) or because there's a character whose ability is the power to make shockingly poor B-movie conspiracy thrillers, or even because Joel Gresch is a marvellous actor who really hasn't been given the praise he deserves in previous posts because I'm shallow and would rather talk about how beautiful and earnest his character is. No, the 4400 is better than it's peers because it has never, ever had an episode about bugs.
I hate bugs. I would rather face hoardes of ravening zombies in a nuclear wasteland than see some bugs. And that sucks because, from Buffy to the X-Files via Smallville and Stargate and Supernatural, in every sci-fi-ish show in the whole history of recorded time, there's always an episode about bugs somewhere. Even Heroes did it with that whole Mohinderspider thing - and really, way to take a character whose only positive attribute is his pretty face - not to mention, one of only a few really attractive actors left by that point - and totally wreck it for everyone. Stupid Mohinder. Stupid show.
Anyway, the point of this post is that I just finished watching Fear Itself, and I was so relieved that I didn't have to deal with anyone's arachnophobia coming to glaring CGI life on my TV screen that I forgot about the bit at the start where the dude gets attacked by clowns. And now I'm having a total "can't sleep, clown will eat me" moment and I'm trying to distract myself and it's totally not working.
Damn it. I am going to make a hot chocolate and then sit up working on my Marked!Jordan/Shawn smutfic and try not to think about clowns with mouths full of yellowed, needle-sharp teeth and long, jagged fingernails tearing at my flesh OH GOD! |
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[Feb. 24th, 2009|10:38 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, blade, cadillac records, colin farrel, constantine, coraline, ewan mcgregor, heroes, hugh jackman, job of doom, neil gaiman, numb3rs, profit, push, stab woody allen in the face, star trek, supernatural, tim burton, underworld sucked monkeyballs, xmen, year of the pasdar | ] |
Notes From This Weekend:
- Cadillac Records is fucking awesome. Also, Beyonce is totally not-fail as an actress. I wasn't even a little bit embarrassed for her at any point. Well done, Beyonce.
- Push is okay. It has Papa Midnite as the main baddie, and he's cool, but the main dude is like the love child of Dean Winchester and that dude who plays Dracula in Blade: Trinity. Not as hot as it sounds, guys. Also, the cast list was all, NOW WITH ADDED TOM BALDWIN! and then I watched it and Tom Baldwin was in it for like ten seconds before he died. Not cool, Push. We do not go around killing beautiful earnest Tom Baldwin.
- Zachary Quinto was put on this earth to torment me. They showed the trailer of the new Star Trek movie and I swear, it's like God is sitting there going, "Hey Froodle, here's a really seriously fucking hot guy for you to stare at, but the catch is, every time you see him on-screen, he's going to be playing a character that you want to kick in the nuts." Why, Zachary Quinto? Why?!
- There is a new Fast and Furious movie. Paul Walker was being failsome and excessively American as usual. Vin Diesel was being retardatical as usual. It was all very disgraceful.
- CORALINE WHY ARE YOU NOT OUT YET?
- Likewise, WOLVERINE MOVIE WHY ARE YOU NOT OUT YET?
- Mohinder, you fail at science so much. I am completely filled with distain for you. SCIENTISTS! PLEASE DO NOT INJECT YOURSELF WITH UNTESTED SHITTERY! IT NEVER ENDS WELL!
- I really hate Woody Allen. Honestly, I want to kick him in the nuts so badly, Zachary Quinto will probably end up playing him in the biopic. Cassandra Dreams is fucktarded beyond belief. How anyone can take Colin Farrell and Ewan McGregor and turn it into a bloated, self-important, mind-numbingly dull wankfest is beyond me.
- Profit is beautiful. Oh Profit. You are my only friend.
- The fact that there is yet another Underworld movie makes me hate God.
On a totally unrelated note, the House of Gas has arranged an hour and a half lecture on the Golden Ratio and Fibonacci sequences. At work. For the workers. Except that if you're scheduled to be on the 'phones, you don't get to go, which begs the question, who the fuck is expecting a bunch of phone-monkeys to give up their free time to go to a lecture, at work, on advanced mathematical concepts? Are we going to be fighting crime with them? Will the FBI and adorkable curly-headed mathematicians be involved? No? Fuck off then. I'm just so confused by the rational behind it - most of our retardo customers can't add VAT to a fuel bill without having a meltdown - is this something King Gas thinks is going to be useful in our day to day lives? WHAT IS GOING ON?! |
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[Sep. 13th, 2008|11:37 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, adam baldwin, american werewolf in paris, blood and chocolate, brendan fraser, christian bale, colin farrel, corey feldman, cursed, daddy winchester, dawsons freak, dead man on campus, deadwood, denzel washington, edward james olmos, edward norton, gabriel byrne, gerard butler, heroes, history boys, hugh jackman, ian mcshane, idina menzel, idris elba, jack nicholson, james remar bitches, james spader, keiffer sutherland, liam neeson, liam neeson is god, rome, russel crowe, stargate, supernatural, swat, the coreys, the downey, the lost boys, the lost boys 2, the wire, todd for prime minister, van helsing, weekenders, werewolves yay, wizard of oz, wolf, zodiac | ] |
Oh God, you guys! I was going to write a post here about how we should all vote for Todd as our next Prime Minister, and then maybe let him eat our old government once he wins (landslide victory, running on a "wearing black leather and eating people" platform) but I just watched Lost Boys 2: the Tribe, and oh, it was beautiful beyond words! I mean, okay, I got a bit annoyed with the gratuitous titty shots, but all of those people died, so that's okay. Andandand Corey Feldman! And make sure you watch the credits and the alternate scenes and just generally revel in how completely unexpectedly WONDERFUL it is.
Don't watch the music videos, though. They are lame.
Also, if anyone wants to earn my undying love, they will write Lost Boys 2 porn. Any pairing, I don't even care, I love them all so much.
In news that involves neither vampires nor imaginary life-sucking aliens running for office, I am very displeased with the non-studliness of the actors being cast to play werewolves over the last two decades. I mean, Jack Nicholson and Hugh Jackman, I can totally understand, but James Spader? The French guy from SWAT? Josh from Dead Man on Campus? Fucking Pacey?!* Also, how is Jack Nicholson versus James Spader in any way a contest? I could kick the shit out of James Spader. Scooter the Happy Pony could kick the shit out of James Spader. So could a small bundle of twigs and your daddy. Working seperately. For the edification of future film-makers, I have compiled a list of actors who have a level of studliness adequate for playing a werewolf**. Read it, learn it, live it.
Colin Farrel
Daddy Winchester
Ian McShane
Adam Baldwin
Edward James Olmos
James Remarr
Edward Norton
Keifer Sutherland
Idina Menzel (yes, just as it is possible for a man to be man-pretty, it is possible for a woman to be girl-studly)
Liam Neeson
Colin Farrel (so studly, he gets listed twice)
Idris Elba
Omar
Russel Crowe
Seth Bullock
Joe Flanigan
Christian Bale
Jordan Collier (Shawn can be his little werewolf bitch in this case)
Mark Anthony
Nathan Petrelli
Robert Downey Jnr (Jake Gyllenhaal can be his little werewolf bitch)
Denzel Washington
Gabriel Byrne
Ryan O'Reilly
Gerard Butler
Brendan Fraser
Scripps
As you can see, there are plenty of studly actors to choose from when making your werewolf movie. So please stop casting little wussy he-bitches unless they're Shawn from the 4400 or Robert Greysmith from Zodiac. Actually, if anyone wants to do a werewolf sequel to Zodiac, replete with Paul/Robert sexin', I will sell you my first-born child.
*Uh, those last two are seperate issues, I didn't mean it as "Josh from Dead Man on Campus fucking Pacey". Cooper would cut Pacey like the little bitch that he is, were that the case.
**Where I didn't know, or just couldn't be bothered to look up, an actors name, I just listed him under a character name. |
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[Jul. 23rd, 2008|11:46 pm] |
Oh dudes, seriously, how gay is the second season ending to Numb3rs? That final scene where Charlie's dreaming about his mum, and then he wakes up and wanders into the dining room where Don's doing his paperwork, Charlie totally looks ready to jump him right there. Kiss my ass, Supernatural, this is what real homoerotic brother-on-brother tension looks like.
In other news, I'm afraid it is my sad duty to inform you all that the Southernator has gone completely insane, and has therefore been removed from her role as my co-executive director at the League of Hot. So complete is her delusion, she actually suggested Chad Micheal Murray, aka That Squinty-Eyed Idiot from One Tree Hill, as the third member of the Holy Triumvirate of Hotness. This is not only ridiculous, it's blasphemy, as everyone knows the Triumvirate, comprised as it is of the three most beautiful men alive, consists of Johnny Depp, David Boreanaz and Colin Farrell, aka The Depp, The Dave and The Colin. Anything else is heresy and punishable by being burnt at the stake.
Also, she's pretty much totally in love with Dan the Man. I'm not making this up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2008|12:30 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | bones, bsg, buffy, david boreanaz, deadwood, fuck you david caruso, jericho, lou diamond phillips, nip/tuck, numb3rs, skeet ulrich, supernatural, the wire | ] |
So, FX have just announced that the sixth season of Nip/Tuck will be the last. I'm pretty much in favour of this, not because I have any issues with the show itself, but simply because there are so many shows that outstay their welcome and then what once was beautiful and pure becomes this evil-smelling swamp of ridiculous plots and shitty inconsistant characterization and dialogue so bad you want to gouge out your eyes from the sheer horror of it all.
Yeah, I still have issues relating to those last few seasons of Buffy.
But seriously, I think there should be some sort of law that if you want to extend your show beyond three seasons, you have to prove it won't suck beyond all measure before you're allowed to do it. Like, I'm sad that Deadwood is no more, but nothing like as sad as I would have been if it had degenerated into pointless crap involving mysically appearing kid sisters and Al becoming some whiny tardface with his stupid fake soul and lovebots and fucking annoying high school nerds gone Darkside...
Ahem. I'm sorry, I really will shut up about Buffy now.
But anyway, with Nip/Tuck going off the air, and what is most likely the end of my love affair with Bones, and this season of the Wire being the last (like Deadwood, an example of an awesome show that has the foresight to bow out gracefully and with lots of fake serial killings) it means I'm pretty much left with Numb3rs to fall back on. And BSG, of course, but that's not really light after-work viewing, and frankly not homoerotic at all.
And although The Bunk is of course awesome, I do not approve of how much more laid back Don is since starting therapy. I missed it the first time, as I was busy being relieved over the whole "Colby is not a filthy Communist spy" thing, but Don has not pistol-whipped anyone, hurled a suspect around an interrogation room or allowed Lou Diamond Phillips to torture people at all this season. I really do not approve. Bring back the old Don, who shouted at everyone and then shot a bunch of guys and looked serious! Charlie is adorable and Colby is burly and Larry is awesome, but seriously, I require more manly violence! Somebody recommend some shows with manly violence in them to me. Oh, and not any variation on CSI - fucking David Caruso's syphilis-raddled face has poisoned me against all forms of CSI forever. And not Supernatural either, for the same reason only substitute "Jared Padalecki" for "David Caruso".
God. Why is there not more Jericho? WHY YOU GUYS?! Okay, Jake Green never tied a bunch of hams to some guy so alligators would eat him, and he can't fight crime with maths, but he can fly planes and look sad, and I bet Mister Hawkins is the World Champion when it comes to pistol-whipping and the torture of suspects.
Goddamn you, television. Don't force me to entertain myself! |
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[Sep. 16th, 2006|12:28 pm] |
Oh, that is it, Supernatural. You and I are just not friends anymore. You can take your two hot Winchesters and Sam and your misleading rumours of homoerotic exploits and get out of my life for good, because I do not like it when I have nightmares when by rights I should be having dreams about monkeys or something else good!
Fortunatly for me, I am the kind of girl who always has one or two irons in the fandom-fire, so I shall console my grief over my breakup with Dean and John by watching the second season of the Wire. And oh my God, Omar is my hero. The tie! And somebody finally putting that piece of shit Levy in his place, hoorah! Personally I was holding out for Rhonda bludgeoning him with a briefcase, but getting smacked down in front of an entire courtroom was so much more awesome. He has inspired me to take up robbing drug dealers for a living. Now, if only I knew where to find a) a shotgun and b) some drug dealers. You may be suprised to learn this information is not listed in the Yellow Pages.
In other news, Rome. I'm not saying it wasn't enjoyable, I'm just saying that the entire show can be summed up as "Ickle Midshipman Blakeney grows up and fucks his sister. But not, apparently, his great-uncle." I do love the whole Pullo/Vorenus thing, though - especially where Vorenus pimps him out to Cleopatra. Even in Ye Olde Tymes, pimping your friends is always good for a laugh.
On a completely unrelated note, I think everyone here should read the Varjak Paw books. Because if there were two things I would say makde the world a better place, it would be more Kung-fu cats and less Will Ferrell. I hate Will Ferrell.
I do, however, still love the Tribe, and especially Bray who has won my heart with his incredible campness. That scene after he finds Spike floating in the hotel pool, and the other Mallrats are like, "Gasp! Ebony!" and he's all, "But don't you think if she had killed him, she'd be bragging about it? Like, 'Don't mess with me!'" and then he actually does the finger-snap head-toss thing like he's Foxxie Love or whatever and oh my God it is just the most hilarious thing ever and I love him.
Anyway, little space-monkeys, I have a box of pastries here that aren't going to eat themselves, and the second season of Battlestar Galactica is calling to me, so farewell! |
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[Sep. 6th, 2006|06:48 pm] |
I can't believe Supernatural gave me nightmares. I am such a loser. And it wasn't even about Sam's ominous squinty eyes, either. Incidently, everyone who told me it was superhomoerotic? You are liars and I hate you. And your children. And your children's children. For one month!
But, it's okay, because you know what is homoerotic? Oh yes, the Tribe! How spiteful is Bray dragging Lex off to do security detail on his honeymoon? Whatever, Bray. It's fine for you to tramp around with Danni, Possessor of the World's Most Annoying Voice*, but Lex gets hooked up and you turn into a jealous, whiny manbitch. Oh wait! You already were.
In other news, rumours that I may have stabbed someone in the leg with a cunningly concealed herd of knives are completely exaggerated, Snithy is a filthy, Robson Green-fancying, Smallville-buying liar and none of you are to believe her. No! Rumours that I forced her to sit through I Was A Teenage Vampire and endure the almighty horror that is Wilson in short-shorts, too much blusher and a really horrendous shade of lipstick are, however, accurate. WILSON WEARS SHORT-SHORTS! No, I did not make that up.
And in yet other news, I hate work so much at the moment. Idiothairdresser has just gone full-time, and while that would be dire news in itself, she managed to get her stupid townie-duck ass kicked off allocation (a job which kept her on the far side of the office from where I, lowly phone-monkey, reside) and now she sits at my workstation and I have to listen to her fucking bleating all day long and oh my God, I am going to stab her. And now I have to work ten days in a row because my supervisors basically gave me the choice between involuntary overtime and losing a day of my beautiful precious weekend, or having to do a ten-day stint but get all four days off. They are so totally taking the piss lately, and if this keeps up, I really will hand in my notice.
And! In some more news, finally my stupid-ass insurance company have gotten back o me about that break-in back in May - May! - apparently they "lost" my file and didn't bother to tell me until last week. Still, my brokers now have all my details and are saying they think it will be settled by next week. So yay!
Anyway, that's all I have time for now, as it is time for more Supernatural and perhaps some pie. And perfecting my cake-knife technique so that I can kill Idiothairdresser in a way that makes it look like an accident. Farewell!
*Apart from the Idiothairdresser, who, as previously mentioned, sounds like a townie-duck. |
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