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"I do not peddle flesh. I sell dreams."
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[Jul. 18th, 2009|06:28 pm] |
Dudes, Being Human is completely awesome. The show, I mean, not actually being human, because as I have said previously, that's actually a bit rub. But anyway, oh my God, George! I love him! He is my favouritest werewolf of all the werewolves throughout the recorded history of time! He's so shrill and flaily and random.
Annie and Mitchell are also good. Evil Fiance Owen is good in the sense that he is horrifying and evil. Herrick is not good, because he's like a poor mans' Holland Manners, who in turn was a bargain basement version of the Mayor. But mostly GEORGE! Oh, he is so wonderful. I hope it runs for millions of years and I never get bored or snarky about it and they never introduce lame plots where, FOR EXAMPLE, Lauren turns up with Mitchell's baby whose arrival was foretold by prophecy and who has the power to RUIN EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD ABOUT THE SHOW EVER AND GENERALLY WHINE AND HAVE A STUPID FUCKING FACE.
Oh God Vincent Kartheiser, I fucking hate you. |
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[Jun. 16th, 2009|10:11 pm] |
DUDES! Why does God hate me so much? All I want in life is a bowl with some ghosts on that I can eat my cereal out of. How hard can that be? But no, England has to made of losers who do not celebrate Halloween properly (ie, with GHOST BOWLS). Is it so inconcievable that I might be allowed to enjoy a bowl of delicious soup while staring at some ghosts? No!
And then, just to make it worse, while the UK eBay is all,"Did you mean these cheap plastic pieces of shit from Poundland?" the American eBay is like, "BEHOLD! A veritable cornucopia of BEAUTIFUL GHOST BOWLS that are NOT FOR FROODLES! AHAHAHAH! This one has SKULLS!"
AMERICANS! Quit hogging all the ghostbowls.
ENGLAND! Get it together and start having better Halloween stuff all year 'round.
EVERYONE! More werewolves please!
Also someone should buy me that Little Red Riding Hood cuckoo clock from Cursed. NO I DON'T CARE THAT IT'S NOT REAL I WANT IT!
This post has been brought to you by the International Brotherhood of Froodles Wanting Ghostbowls. |
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[Sep. 22nd, 2008|10:53 pm] |
Rocknrolla, you guys. Go and watch it, or I will be forced to conclude that my FList is made up of dames and homos. And we don't want that.
In other news, how much are werewolves the unloved red-headed stepchildren of the Halloween merchandising world? So far this year I have only seen one werewolf-themed Halloween thingie, and it was this stupid walking doll in ASDA with a stupid face that was stupid. And there's about eighty thousand different pumpkin dolls and lanterns and tea-light holders and everything else - I mean, seriously, how many pumpkins do we need? I've put a moratorium on any further pumpkin-related purchases this year in protest. Less pumpkins, more werewolves! Also more cats, haunted houses, spooky trees and ghosts. I think there's probably enough skull-themed stuff around aswell. There could be more witchy stuff, but witches are usually lame, so unless there's a sudden leap in the awesomeness of witch merchandise, I am ambivilent.
But seriously, let's have some respect for werewolves. They are as much a part of Halloween as cats or ghosts or any other imaginary creatures! This is what happens when you let pansies like James Spader and Pacey play them on TV - people lose all regard for their bitey awesomeness. You can bet if Idris Elba was a werewolf, he would teach you all some manners and allow me to get posters with his cool face on.
On what would once have been an Idris Elba-related note (SOB!) the fifth season of the Wire arrived today, yay! I am not watching it though, as the Tribe has once again sucked me into a swirling vortex of bright colours and dodgy acting, and I fear going from the cheesetastic joy of the Tribe to the ghettolicious world of the Wire without some kind of transitional period to adjust from "camp but kind of homoerotic" to "so awesome it does not need to rely on hot man-on-man action to hold my attention" would have a devastating effect on my fragile psyche. And yes, you did read that right, the Wire is so great I don't even need to supplement it with porn. In fact, I have no desire for Wireporn at all.
...but if you want to send me pictures of Stringer looking hot and stern, that would be okay. |
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[Sep. 13th, 2008|11:37 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4400, adam baldwin, american werewolf in paris, blood and chocolate, brendan fraser, christian bale, colin farrel, corey feldman, cursed, daddy winchester, dawsons freak, dead man on campus, deadwood, denzel washington, edward james olmos, edward norton, gabriel byrne, gerard butler, heroes, history boys, hugh jackman, ian mcshane, idina menzel, idris elba, jack nicholson, james remar bitches, james spader, keiffer sutherland, liam neeson, liam neeson is god, oz, rome, russel crowe, stargate, supernatural, swat, the coreys, the downey, the lost boys, the lost boys 2, the wire, todd for prime minister, van helsing, weekenders, werewolves yay, wolf, zodiac | ] |
Oh God, you guys! I was going to write a post here about how we should all vote for Todd as our next Prime Minister, and then maybe let him eat our old government once he wins (landslide victory, running on a "wearing black leather and eating people" platform) but I just watched Lost Boys 2: the Tribe, and oh, it was beautiful beyond words! I mean, okay, I got a bit annoyed with the gratuitous titty shots, but all of those people died, so that's okay. Andandand Corey Feldman! And make sure you watch the credits and the alternate scenes and just generally revel in how completely unexpectedly WONDERFUL it is.
Don't watch the music videos, though. They are lame.
Also, if anyone wants to earn my undying love, they will write Lost Boys 2 porn. Any pairing, I don't even care, I love them all so much.
In news that involves neither vampires nor imaginary life-sucking aliens running for office, I am very displeased with the non-studliness of the actors being cast to play werewolves over the last two decades. I mean, Jack Nicholson and Hugh Jackman, I can totally understand, but James Spader? The French guy from SWAT? Josh from Dead Man on Campus? Fucking Pacey?!* Also, how is Jack Nicholson versus James Spader in any way a contest? I could kick the shit out of James Spader. Scooter the Happy Pony could kick the shit out of James Spader. So could a small bundle of twigs and your daddy. Working seperately. For the edification of future film-makers, I have compiled a list of actors who have a level of studliness adequate for playing a werewolf**. Read it, learn it, live it.
Colin Farrel
Daddy Winchester
Ian McShane
Adam Baldwin
Edward James Olmos
James Remarr
Edward Norton
Keifer Sutherland
Idina Menzel (yes, just as it is possible for a man to be man-pretty, it is possible for a woman to be girl-studly)
Liam Neeson
Colin Farrel (so studly, he gets listed twice)
Idris Elba
Omar
Russel Crowe
Seth Bullock
Joe Flanigan
Christian Bale
Jordan Collier (Shawn can be his little werewolf bitch in this case)
Mark Anthony
Nathan Petrelli
Robert Downey Jnr (Jake Gyllenhaal can be his little werewolf bitch)
Denzel Washington
Gabriel Byrne
Ryan O'Reilly
Gerard Butler
Brendan Fraser
Scripps
As you can see, there are plenty of studly actors to choose from when making your werewolf movie. So please stop casting little wussy he-bitches unless they're Shawn from the 4400 or Robert Greysmith from Zodiac. Actually, if anyone wants to do a werewolf sequel to Zodiac, replete with Paul/Robert sexin', I will sell you my first-born child.
*Uh, those last two are seperate issues, I didn't mean it as "Josh from Dead Man on Campus fucking Pacey". Cooper would cut Pacey like the little bitch that he is, were that the case.
**Where I didn't know, or just couldn't be bothered to look up, an actors name, I just listed him under a character name. |
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[Jul. 28th, 2008|09:28 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | american gothic, american werewolf in london, batbale, christian bale, cillian murphy, dark knight, gary oldman, heath ledger, heathfest, league of hot, lucas buck, numb3rs, snithy, the downey, werewolves yay | ] |
The Dark Knight, dudes! ( Read more... )
In other news, the Southernator and I celebrated Heathfest '08 with 10 Things I Hate About You and A Knight's Tale, the Southernator proved how much she fails at life by perving wrongly during TDK and forcing me to slap her, and also by not admitting the awesomeness of Numb3rs (another reason she has been removed from her position of power at the League of Hot) and we saw the WETA exhibition at the Royal Armouries and were confused by the random Poodle of Sauron armor. Also I totally broke my vow not to buy any more books or DVDs or random junk until such time as I have bought new shelves to hold them, and now I have to eat hobos for next two months. Fortunately they are drug-addled and easy to catch. I would like to add that really this is Snithy's fault, as she did not do as a true friend would and stop me, even after I graciously agreed to allow Robert Downey Junior be joint third with The Colin in the League of Hot. I even gave him his holy name - The Downey. I feel it says all that needs to be said. |
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[Jul. 23rd, 2008|12:07 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | big daddy luthor, blood ties, bones, joseph gordon levitt, kathy najimy, lou diamond phillips, numb3rs, smallville, the dave, the wire, werewolves yay, will patton | ] |
So, is it just me or is the entire plot of Numb3rs pretty much "everyone wants to molest Charlie"? Seriously dudes, I have even broken it down into list form and the evidence is clear.
-You've got the Core Charlie Molesters, aka Amita, Colby and Don. It's actually canon that they want to molest Charlie, so I'm not going to bother talking about them today.
-David probably wants to molest Charlie, but Alimi Ballard seems incapable of portraying any emotion other than "amused condescension", so it's hard to tell*.
-Milly really wants to molest Papa Eppes, but I bet if she had the chance to indulge in naughty Charlie-touching, she would.
-Megan wants to, but she's smart emough to realise that Don would cut her like a bitch, so she wouldn't go through with it.
-Ditto The Bunk. He would think about it, and smoke some cigars.
-Larry is busy being distracted by the cosmos and Megan, so he has no time for Charlie-molestin'. He's the exception that proves the rule.
-Big Daddy Luthor wants to, but Charlie spent that whole episode sulking because for once, he wasn't the one with the most magnificent hair on the show, so it would never work between them.
-Russ Brennan definately wanted to, but he caught fire, so that's that.
-Lou Diamond Phillips pretends he's teaching Charlie about shooting, but really it's an excuse to touch him up on the gun range.
-Oswald Kitner hasn't realised his own Charlie-molestering desires yet, but he's probably not over the suprise of getting shot at and recruited into the Sooper Sekrit FBI Baseball Doping Detection Team. Give him time.
-Vicky Nelson for sure wanted to. She's all, "Oh Professor Eppes, let's talk about stupid car crashes and shit while I flick my hair attractively!" Then she had to go fight evil in Toronto, so that was that.
-Lady Lawyers usually prefer molestin' Don. It must be a secret rule that Alpha Male FBI Agents and Lady Lawyers are attracted to each other, as The Dave has pretty much the same arrangement in Bones, ie all Lady Lawyers are belong to him.
-Marshall Penfield not only wants to molest Charlie, but actually goes so far as to math-stalk him. That's whole new levels of creepy.
-that random English neurosurgeon did, but then she was like, "Oh wait, I forgot I am actually engaged, so, bye!" and that was the end of her.
-Finn Montegomery did, but he killed himself. Good day, Finn Montegomery.
-Joseph Gordon Levitt did, but he was busy murdering folk and going to jail.
-Random Columbian Exile did - did you see how inappropriately close he was getting when Charlie was explaining how to not get assassinated?
-Will Patton pretends he's too gruff and no-nonsense LAPD-like to want to molest Charlie, but we know better.
-The idiot Black Ops guy who tried to put sarin in the water supply did, but he was an idiot, so, later for him.
I was going to write something about work here, but it would have been boring and negative, so I shall leave you with my "everybody wants to molest Charlie" ramblings and go to bed. Adieu!
*This is actually true. David would have the exact same expression even if he was bitten by a werewolf or something. Colby, Don and Megan would be all like OMGWTFWEREWOLF! and David would have this look on his face like he's enjoying a private joke that nobody else is smooth enough to get. Lycanthropy would not even dent the surface of his cool. He'd be like, "Oh, I'm a werewolf. How mildly entertaining." |
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