bitch, please

Donate money to the Moomins, get Eerie, Indiana fanfic in return!

As some of you may know, a new Moomin animated series is currently seeking backers on Indiegogo. They have sixteen days to go and have raised almost 40% of their $200,000 goal.

As some of you may also know, I am a huge Moomin fan. The kind of fan who travelled 400 miles to see the Moomin exhibit at the Southbank Centre in London (seriously it was amazing, go if you get the chance) and is really bitter that I'll miss the exhibit at Kew Gardens this Easter, because if I wasn't attending a wedding I'd totally deal with Gatwick Airport again.

I grew up on the Moomins, first the books and then the 1990s cartoon as a kid, and the comic strip (and the cartoon again when the dvds came out) at university and beyond. When I was in college, my friends and I claimed the Church of Snufkin as our religion and "Snufkin's Tent of Wisdom" as our house of worship. We waged war on our rivals, the Church of the Breadlike God, which ended when we stole the Holy Loaf and ate him. My final project for A Level Media Studies was on children's entertainment as a way of conveying complex ideas in a way that a young audience can comprehend, and I chose it specifically because I wanted to talk about the Moomins.

The versions of the "core canon" books that I own are the ones I've had since I was seven, and the preface on each says that Tove Jansson lived alone on an island, because God forbid you mention an author's same sex relationship in a kids' book in the nineties.

I read the truth years later in various biographies, but my point is that the Southbank tour I was on was for all ages, and the guide straight up said that Thingumy and Bob were Tove Jansson and theatre director Vivica Bandler. They had a whole room about Too-Ticky and Tuulikki Pietilä and the way that her relationship with Tove Jansson shaped Moominland Midwinter.

Afterwards, in the privacy of my cheap hotel room , I full on cried that I hadn't had the comfort of knowing that as a kid, that I found out years later in books aimed at adults. I don't know that it would have made my own journey easy, but I think it would have made it a little less hard.

I really want this new series to get made. I want an animated version of Comet in Moominland, and I want a Moominpapa at Sea where Moominpapa is a selfish dick and the seahorses are shallow and beautiful and cruel, and I want the Hemulen Who Loved Silence on my screen in all his sad, quiet longing.

The Moomins aren't necessarily a fandom we have in common, I know. But we do have at least one fandom in common, and so, for every $5 you donate to the Moomin Indiegogo, I will either write you a minimum of 100 words of eerie_indiana fanfic, or draw you two pieces of shitty biro art. Just head over to the Indiegogo page, make your donation, then drop me a comment or a private message letting me know what name you've used on the backers page.

You can request specific characters and give me specific prompts, and if you donate more than $5, I can either do multiple drabbles or longer pieces. Sadly, donating larger amounts will not result in you getting bigger or better art, because this represents the limit of my artistic ability.
pony

Full moon on Halloween!

Yes, I know Halloween is a full three months away. No, I don't care, because this year All Hallows Eve coincides with the full moon, and that means we need epic Eerie/Hocus Pocus crossovers.

Will Max and Mars run into each other while attempting to thwart Bette Midler's plans? Are Binx and Dash the same guy, or just a boy and a cat who sound remarkably similar? Do Simon and Danni have a standing movie-night date on the last Saturday of each month? Dig out your DVDs, put on your fanwork hats (these may or may not be baseball caps turned sideways) and let everyone know your thoughts!
bitch, please

Eerie Indiana Quadruple Drabble: Sea Bell

The sea bell was old, pitted from years of exposure to salt spray and ocean gales, and blue-green with oxidisation. It felt both incredibly heavy and as though she was holding nothing at all, and Janet had to focus on the reality of it to keep it from slipping through her fingers.

The swan-shaped pedalo bobbed in the swell of the waves that broke around the ghost reef, anchored there by a single strand of spider silk and Janet's own fierce belief that this would work. She slid back the white canopy of her little craft, took a deep breath, and put one rubber-soled foot on the semi-translucent rock.

It held, and she stepped from the boat onto the slimy stone, the huge, half-visible bell clanking softly in her hands. Here and there, ghost shrimp swam in puddles of ghost ocean, their white shrouds drifting dramatically around them. The rising ghost-tide would carry them home, if the seagulls didn't get to them first, and they seemed happy enough where they were.

The protruding spire of rock that she'd picked as her makeshift bell tower was jagged, twisted, and black as those tiny sea serpents Simon erroneously thought he was keeping secret in the tank behind his parent's house. It radiated malice, and streaks of waterproof paint along it's sharp edges told of all the vessels it had gleefully dragged beneath the waves.

Janet wrapped the coarse, heavy rope around one jutting angle, looped it seven times while humming the sea shanty that the Jenny Haniver had taught her. The stone vibrated with outrage beneath her cold-numbed fingers, and she ignored it as it deserved. Murder-rocks with shitty attitudes forfeited her consideration.

The sea bell's clapper was suspended in a protective sheath of blessed lambswool, and it glistened new-penny bright when she slipped it free. Resting one hand on the bell's curved lip, she pushed gently, relishing the rich, deep sound that echoed over the water as it swung on it's makeshift headstock.

"That's what you get," she told the reef that snarled faintly beneath her feet. "Maybe if you'd behaved yourself, I wouldn't have had to bell you."

She returned to her swan boat, ready both for dry land and an end to the sad waterlogged ghosts who kept showing up at the restaurant, soaking the floor. A hungry mermaid grabbed for her and she kicked it in the face.

Ongoing Verse: Janet

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bitch, please

(no subject)

bitch, please

This is exactly what I was talking about!!

So i ended up taking a week and a day off. I did go back on Friday after getting some weird pushbacky vibes from the supervisor I called in to, but I was about ten minutes into the interview with HR and the HR lady was like, yeah, youre not in any shape to be here, please go home.

Anyway I came back properly on Monday and before i even had the back to work interview, this bellend calls me and just exemplifies everything that drove me over the edge in the first place:

Idiot: Hi, this customer has sold the house and needs to shut their account down

ME: okay, send the details to the team inbox and we'll get it sorted

Idiot: cant you do it now?

Me: no*, please send it to the inbox

Idiot: so you cant do it now?

ME: no, im in the middle of a job, please send it to the inbox. Thanks.

Idiot: so youre not able to do it now?

Me: no. Please send it to the inbox.

Idiot: oh. Okay, i guess ill send it to the inbox then

*because thats the fucking procedure and has been for at least the last four years, but hey feel free to argue with me, waste time, and put unnecessary pressure me because thats super fucking helpful

And like a few seconds later shes ringing my phone again. I didnt bother answering, just got up and left the room. Sat in the breakroom for fifteen minutes waiting for my hands to stop shaking because FUCKING STOP PILING EXTRA WORK ON ME ESPECIALLY FOR SHIT WHERE THERES AN ESTABLISHED TIMEFRAME THATS BEEN IN PLACE FOR YEARS, YOU FUCKHEAD.

UGH blargh anyway i have more to say on this, but im fucking tired after this bullshit, so whatever.
bitch, please

(no subject)

So here's the calmer more worksafe version of what happened on Thursday:

I am so burned out on my job right now.

My team is supposed to be four people. This year we’ve had two people out for extended periods of time due to ongoing health/personal issues.

I ‘ve done my best to cover what I could, keep things moving along, and although it was hard and draining I managed because it was temporary.

Except now two of these people – a chronic underperformed and someone whose personality is most tactfully described as challenging – are being moved on to other departments and me and the one remaining coworker are being expected to absorb this four person workload in perpetuity.

And the one remaining co-worker has an ongoing health issue that means they’re on reduced hours, so essentially there’s one person in the office full time covering four people, and that person is me.

I’m getting so much hassle and pushback and backbiting from other departments because I can’t do four peoples work as fast as four people would, and people are getting so offended because I can’t immediately drop the five things I’m juggling and give them my full undivided attention the moment they decide they have to get an answer for their non urgent query that could just as easily go to the group inbox so that I could manage my workload.

I called in sick on Friday because after asking four people to please put their query in an email as I was swamped and the only one in the office – which they could see, as they were literally at my desk harassing me and could see five empty desks around me – and getting interrupted four times while trying to answer one complicated query that covered seventeen different schools, I was a hundred percent done.

I spent the day in bed, just trying to catch up on the sleep I missed because I was crying and stressing out all Thursday night. I’m so exhausted and so sick of the selfishness and stupidity of these assholes.

And now it's almost 1am Monday morning and I don't feel any better and I still can't sleep.
bitch, please

(no subject)

Called in sick. The fuck am I picking up four peoples work and getting shit on for not being immediately available for every timewasting buffoon in that building whole doing so. Its not even a lie since i spent most of the night tossing and turning and stress-cried myself into a headache while taking a shower this morning.
bitch, please

Fuck off fuck off fuck off

So the team im on used to have four people. One of them was a chronically useless underperformer, but it was still like three and a quarter. Then it went down to three, because the supervisor who wouldnt supervise got promoted to become a manager who wouldnt manage and just moved the lazy useless one to another team.

Instead of replacing her with another fourth person, we got the assistant supervisor who had that role for two years while getting paid to assistant-supervise one guy. Hes a fantasy football buddy of the manager who would not manage, these things are not unrelated.

Assistant supervisor gets chewed out by the domineering loudmouth on the team for, essentially, not knowing what what we do, not being able to do what we do, and having been promoted because he is besties with TMWWNM. One of those things is an actual massive bugbear for me, the other two are surmountable if hes willing to learn and help put, which i think he is, and which will go a long way mitigate the third issue.

Except TMWWNM transfers Loudy McBlabberton to a totally made up role where she wont be around to shout at his little buddy, and leaves two of us to pick up the four person workload. And the other person is on reduced hours so a lot of the time, its just me.

And fuck me, are relentless cunts ever getting relentlessly cunty with me for not being able to do two, three and four peoples work as fast as two, three or four people would be able to do.

Of course the Assistant Supervisor who never assisted or supervised is fucking useless at actually setting a priority, or agreeing amending or committing to a priority that i suggest, or backing me up when I say i cant do all these tasks in a single morning because it takes four people to do all that in a morning.

Today I had some idiot ring me up first thing demanding to know when a thing that was due at COP today would be done - um, by COP, and likely before that if I can just work without being interupted by cunty cunts cunting it up like they get paid to cunt?

And then when I had a whole bunch of tasks i couldnt complete because her department hadnt done their stage, which blocks my stage, and i emailed the team inbox with the relevant info - you know, not interupting their workflow, not breaking her concentration or demanding immediate attention, just, hey, can you get to these things and let me know when so i can do my bit? - she rings my phone for like five.minutes, then my supervisor - who is out of the room - then a guy on another team who sits near me - who is out of the room - then me again - then the guy at the near desk, who answers.

And hes like, everyone else was out of the room, shes up to her eyes, maybe reply to the email?

ANd she sends an email saying "i wasnt trying to hound you, i just wanted you to know we got your emails and we'll get to them when we can"

OH MY GOD FUCK YOU IF YOU WERENT TRYING TO HOUND ME WHY WOULD YOU RING MY DESKNON STOP FOR FIVE MINUTES, TWICE, IN BETWEEN RINGING MY BOSS AND SO.E GUY WHO JUST SITS NEAR ME, ALL TO SAY YOU HADNT DONE WHAT ID ASKED BUT WOUPD DO WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE?!

HOW ARE YOU ALLOWED TO PRIORITISE YOUR WORKLOAD BUT I HAVE TO DROP EVERYTHING TO LISTEN TO YOU EXPLAIN THAT FUCKING FACT TO ME EVEN THOUGH I LITERALLY GAVE YOU ROOM TO DO JUST THAT BY NOT INTERUPTING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Liar or fucking idiot, most likely a combination of both. Fuck you you werent trying to hound me, you literally just hounded me you stupid fucking cunt!!

God i am so sick of stupid fucking useless shitstains who act entitled to my.immediate time and attention every fucking time they have a fucking half formed abortion of a thought!